So excited!!

I'm very excited about this Thanksgiving!
Mostly because I don't have to drive anywhere. (ha) No, but really - my parents are coming down here this year! Momma is cooking (while I apprentice learning how to make a turkey). Daddy and Shaun will probably sit around with Bryan watching the parade...er football! ha It will be a good time!
Lil' Brudder (Shaun) is staying with us instead of at the hotel with my parents!! (Small apartments do not leave much room for tons of sleepover guests.)

ALSO,
My cousin Brandon (and his g/f, Lisa who's been around longer than I can remember) are coming over for dinner tonight and B is staying with us! Lisa might as well, but that decision has yet to be made. Brandon is the baby cousin. We're all pretty close in age though. Brandon is 21 and the oldest, Brett, is 29 *I think*. So squeeze the other 4 of us in that time period and there you have it. We're pretty close and Brandon goes to school like an hour away, so he's coming to hang out!!!
I can't wait!!!!!

My house has been in cleaning mode for a few days though. Well...it's been in the "I'm thinking about cleaning" mode for a few days and yesterday I cleaned 1/2 of it. Bryan has been working in the office a bit and I cleaned the kitchen, living/dining room(s), and the guest bathroom. We'll finish the office first (since that's where Brandon will sleep) and then I'll move on to our bedroom/bathroom. It's HORRIBLE!
I mean seriously...it's the worst it's been since I moved in! (eh, such is life!)

Anyway, I'm sure you LOVED reading this very boring account of my life!
<3

Happy Thanksgiving

an update for the parents

My daddy told me I needed to update this, so here you go, dad!

Not much of anything other than work and school has been happening. Everything is approaching REALLY, REALLY quickly and that's a bit stressful, so I pretty much won't stop moving until Thanksgiving break...and then I have to memorize music that week, so not until finals are over the first week of December.

I had a GIANT position paper for Systematic Theology due Wednesday, then Doxology went on a 3 school/2 day tour. I'm SUPER exhausted, but we had fun!

I have to conduct a piece from memory in conducting on Tuesday, which I have yet to look at, I have to have an arrangement of any piece I choose (It is Well with my Soul) completely arranged on Friday, and I have a recital that I have to sing in on Saturday at 2:30...I don't even get off work until around 3 or so...so we'll see how that goes. I'll be rushing in from work to sing in front of the head of the voice department at U of L for the first time...I'm going to make a GREAT first impression. I know that my audition isn't until January, but it's a bit unnerving to know that I'll be 1. late, 2. not warmed up, 3. rushing in, 4. in work clothes smelling like country fried steak and syrup, 5. might not even make it if we get THAT busy! I'm not a fan of having to be there despite telling my voice teacher that I don't get off work until later...but whatever. I just have to trust that God has it under control even if I don't like the situation.

My accompanist has MRSA and has been out for a long time now.
I don't have to do an entire voice recital hearing for my jury, so that's good!

Bryan's momma and grandma are in for the weekend! It's fun!
WVU barely eeeked by U of L today, but they won, so I can trash talk my co-workers about it on Wednesday!

That's all!
<3

Happy now dad?!

Sojourn Released their New CD!!

The following is taken from my husband's blog

Sojourn Community Church, where I am a member, has just released their newest album nationwide. The album is called "Over the Grave," and contains songs inspired by and adapted from the hymns of Isaac Watts. Here's what SojournMusic.com has to say about the album:

In the midst of the Reformation in England, Isaac Watts recognized that people needed to see the gospel in the psalms and hymns of the church, and they needed to sing them in language and metaphors that they understood. In this, he became not only the father of the modern hymn, but the pace-setter for contextualizing the gospel for the people of God.

As musicians, pastors and songwriters, our desire was to explore the hundreds of hymns that Watts wrote during his lifetime, to learn from the incredible range and depth of his lyrics, and to re-envision those songs with modern language and melodies. In particular, we gravitated towards themes that seem unfortunately absent in modern worship — themes about God’s wrath and judgment, His righteousness, and a dramatic vision of the cross and atonement of Christ.

This CD is the first installment of the Isaac Watts Project: songs inspired by and adapted from his hymns. The record was written and performed entirely by musicians from Sojourn Community Church — 35 in all. It is our hope that this project, like Watts’s hymns, will point us beyond the music and lyrics to see the glorious Savior who inspires them.

You can purchase the cd at Sojourn Music. You can also purchase the album on itunes or at amazon, where you can also preview the songs.

For Mandi's Cakes

Dearest Mandi's cakes,

I love that you are here and that I can look at you as much as I want!
You're my favorite kind of cake(s)!

I'm glad we're baking a pumpkin pie right now and the smell is wafting through the apartment!

<3
Samn

Makeup Palette

I just ordered an 88 color makeup palette to add to my stage makeup collection. (And because I'm going as an 80s prom queen for Halloween and stores just do not have these amazing colors).




I got this one from Coastal Scents for $26.05 including shipping.
I found one on Still Glamor Us for $35.00 plus shipping so it ended up being $43. I could NOT do that. I also found one with 120 colors, but it was from a company called Tamanala, but it's based out of Hong Kong...so I wasn't a fan of having it shipped overseas, etc.

I did some looking around in Target and online at Wet-n-Wild products and brands you think would have the outrageous colors (Rimmel London, etc) but NONE of them had colors like these. Cover Girl came closest but it's around $6 for individual colors! That's crazy!
I'm just super excited that I found the 88 palette I wanted for half the price I initially saw it for!!

YaY!

Once it comes in, I'll let you know about it!

Oh yes,
AND I'll post pictures of the Halloween looks!
<3

small update and a recipe!

It's been awhile!
Sorry about that!

Things have been GREAT over here! My husband is so much fun!

My a Capella group came over for a pot luck on Tuesday and we had a BLAST! It was great to have some of my best friends in the city get to hang out with my husband too!

My voice teacher got 4 tickets to the Kentucky Opera's production of Verdi's La Traviata, so she and her husband are taking me and another girl in my voice studio FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited! We get to dress super fancy and I'm SO pumped!!!!

Today, I made a beef stroganoff!
I took a recipe from allrecipes.com and tweaked it!


ground beef
1/2 chopped onion
4oz cream cheese
Worcestershire sauce
1 can golden mushroom sauce
egg noodles
1/4 cup of water


Cook the meat, add the soup, water, Worcestershire and onion, then add the cream cheese!
Put over top of the cooked noodles

DONE!
It's SO good!!!
It was originally a slow cooker meal with cubed stew meat or something, but I had a lot of ground beef that I had to use TODAY!

What is my problem?

Warning:
Stream-of-consciousness post follows

I don't know what my deal is, but I suck.

When did I become this lazy?
I don't practice.
I don't read for class.
I don't read the Bible.
I'm annoyed over the stupidest things.

What is wrong with me?

I believe it has everything to do with the statement "I don't read the Bible".
How selfish am I that I can't even find a single minute in my "busy" day to spend time with the Lord everlasting, the Creator of the ends of the earth!? What do I do all day!? Certainly none of the things I'm supposed to be doing.

I go to class.
I do my work for class.
I don't particularly enjoy it, but I don't hate it either...until it comes to conducting. The only reason I dislike conducting?
I'm not good at it!
I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to do what I want my hands to do! I basically shut down and become unable to be helped. I dread that class everyday because the last thing I want is for people picking apart a skill that I already know I don't have.
That's dumb!
That's why I'm in the class!!!

I feel more uncomfortable in my own skin than I ever remember feeling.
I feel like I should be more talented than I am.
I feel hurt that friends haven't responded to things I've sent them.
I feel hurt that I have no idea why I've been phased out of having a say in anything that happens with the group.
I feel taken for granted.

Who am I?
No one!
I'm not entitled to anything! I have this very American way of thinking that I should have the 'right' to this that or the other thing.
Let me tell you what! When I get out of my own way and stop relying on feelings (the least reliable form of truth in the world) and I take a good, long look in the mirror...
I see a sinner who constantly chooses other things over God! I'm living as if I never knew Him at all! Why in the WORLD aren't things worse!?
I deny His existence my very life, but He still sees me through Christ!
All my sins, all my offenses against this pure and Holy God are washed away because He loved me so much, He sent his only Son to die for those offenses, so I didn't have to! When God looks at this wretched person I am, He doesn't see the lazy, whiny, thankless person...He sees His daughter!
I am SO thankful for that!
Why don't I live like I know that's true!?
The fact that I am a child of God is THE most TRUE thing about me, but I don't live that way.
I live a life that puts God in a bubble with all these restrictions and limits.


Have you know known?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the Everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable!
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint!
Isaiah 40:28-31

Father,
How I need you to break my heart, Lord!! I want to live out these truths! I want to be BOLD! Crucify this horrible attitude I've had!

...in the workplace

Today, I mistakenly left my phone in a locker without a lock at work this evening. My phone was stolen 2 months before my wedding because of the same negligence on my part...I accidentally left it in the locker instead of in my pocket or car.
Today...the replacement phone was stolen again. This is the first time I've had my purse/phone at work since the incident but because I needed to have girl things with me all day, I took it in (purposely leaving my wallet outside). He/she opened my purse (again) and took my phone (again).

It's very hard to know that I am one of the nicest people working there, and I've had something taken from me two times. (I think it's by the same person...I have a suspicion.) I PRAY that I handled it with grace and mercy. I told my manager what happened...he knew I was upset, but I was trying to handle it in a manner worthy of the gospel. I didn't yell, I didn't cuss, (I wanted to!) I really wanted to walk straight up to the guy and scream at him to empty his pockets, but I couldn't. Praise the LORD I couldn't. Our manager, Kevin, called everyone to the back, said what happened, mentioned that we have cameras that they'll be going through in the morning, and gave he/she a chance to turn the phone in by anonymously placing it on the office desk. My co-workers kept checking on me and telling me that they'd be yelling and punching things and they couldn't understand why I wasn't. I really pray that they could see the love of Christ in me...that they saw something different in the way I reacted. I pray that the person who took my phone knows I forgive them, and I forgave them the last time (whether it was the same person or not). It's just a phone. It's a thing. I feel worse because the phone was a gift from my mother-in-law and she paid to replace it last time.

To be honest, I'm more upset with myself for my mistake. That's not a habit...leaving things in my locker. It's happened twice...and both times, it's been because I forgot that day to take it out and keep it in my car or pocket.

To be really honest...it's hard for me to walk back in there. Knowing that someone I am nice to every shift purposely stole something from me (maybe even twice). That sucks ya know. But I know that in life, things get messy...you get hurt and the people I work with are hurting much worse than simply being out a phone (or two). We need the gospel! We need to see real faith being lived out. So many of my co-workers have been burned by the church and Christians who profess Christ's love, but live contradictory lifestyles. I know I'm supposed to stay there and let them see that my hope doesn't lie in the things of this world. My hope is in Christ Jesus and He's already won the battle! Walking back in there tomorrow morning will be difficult...it will be more difficult on Wednesday when I'm on the same shift with everyone, and worse on Friday when the exact same people are present, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, my strength comes from God and the hope of what I KNOW to be true in His Son! I just pray that someone sees that.

Attention Christian men: Stop acting like boys

I feel the need to speak on an issue that doesn't get addressed enough.
Christian men, stop dragging women along if you have no interest in them. For the life of me, I cannot understand why you continue to invest emotional energy in the women in your life if you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with them. I'm not talking about causal friends who just happen to hang out once in awhile and have surface level conversations. I'm talking about the guys who give specialized attention to one of their female friends on a consistent basis with no intentions of the relationship progressing whatsoever.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN'S HEART!

I have multiple friends (3 without even dwelling on it) in this situation:
A guy starts hanging out with her alone consistently, texting her constantly, giving her compliments on a regular basis, having her spend time with his family, etc. He doesn't do this with anyone else. It's not as if she is part of a group of people he is inviting to do all these things. When asked by the girl, or others, what his intentions are, he gives generic responses like "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't really know how I feel about you, I need time to think" or any of those generic statements women hear. If the guy doesn't feel anything beyond platonic feelings for said girl, he should change how he is treating her because obviously, he's given her the wrong impression. I understand how this happens. Sometimes, guys are just completely oblivious to the situation, but once it's brought into the light, he needs to man up and change his behavior.

First of all, the girl shouldn't have to sit you, the man, down to have a chat about this. You should make your intentions clear from the beginning. If you are interested, GREAT! If you're not, stop acting like it! Perhaps you didn't realize the magnitude of your actions. So, once this has been brought to your attention, you need to be very cautious about how you handle this delicate friendship. Simply stating that you are not ready for a relationship does NOTHING to remedy the situation without seriously tweaking the way you interact with her. You can tell her you're not interested until you're blue in the face, but if you still text her constantly, invite her to hang out alone, etc. it's your problem, not hers for 'reading to too much into it' which females get accused of enough as it is.

Men - If you have a guy friend who is doing this to a girl, you need to man up and tell him how it is! Stop sucking as friends and rebuke your brother(s) in Christ!

And to the ladies (who aren't completely without fault in some cases) - If a guy tells you he's not interested, but continues to treat you like he is...you need to stop wasting your time. Let it be known that he is not acting like a man of Christ, then cut him out. In the same way that his actions speak louder than his words (in regards to continuing to treat you the same even after the "conversation") your actions speak louder than words as well. Simply telling him he's being a tool while allowing him to get away with toying with your heart will do him no good in the future.

Anyway, sorry I just went on and on about that, but I'm very frustrated with Christian men who act like babies and the men (and women) who let them get away with it.

Bottom line:
Stop acting like tools. Man up and start acting in a manner worthy of the gospel!

apartment chaos

Our apartment is still in the "settling in" stage of its existence. We finally finished all the painting and things, but there are still many items without a "home".
For example, my bookshelf broke, so it's now only 3 shelves instead of 5, so all of my binders from past music classes that I actually need to keep, are piled up under the coffee table with many more stacked to the side in a corner. All of the other books that didn't fit in that 5 shelf bookshelf initially, are sitting on the floor of the office along with all the wedding gifts that need to be returned, given away, or put on the walls. I put trash out on the porch the other night, forgot about it, and something got into it creating a mess and a warning phone call from the office that we received at 730 this morning. And to top off my over-dramatic retelling of the "mess" that is my life (I meant that sarcastically because you see, I know I'm over reacting) my kitchen was a MESS! *Why is it that no matter how many times you clean your kitchen, or how often, it's still messy?*
So, the day started off crappy, and continued with me scrubbing my kitchen and picking up everything I own (with the exception of the bedroom - that's another story) while tears were streaming down my face because I was so frustrated that I still had stuff everywhere.

Now, I know this is a season. We're not settled in all the way, our classes are JUST getting into the swing of things, B started a new job, I have a slight schedule change with my job, etc, but I have NO idea what caused me to flip out this morning. I'm just very glad the husband was already gone because I would have taken this irrational crap out on him.



Ok, I feel better!
<3

Addiction

If you're a SYTYCD fan, you've probably already seen this video, but I ran across it the other day, and I can't stop watching it!

The song is called "Gravity" by Sara Bareillas and the name of the piece is called "Addiction". I love modern dance and this piece makes me cry almost every time I watch it.


Enjoy!










AND as an extra, from a few seasons ago:

Sojourn Community Church

My Tylenol PM is kicking in, so I can't really write a post on the topic of how amazing Sojourn is, but you can check them out here:

Sojourn Community Church
(I tried to make it a link, but it was being silly
You can thank your husband).


I'll write more about why it is such a great community when I am not about to fall asleep!

BBQ RIB SUCCESS!

Hello loves!
In my last post, I mentioned that I was making Bryan BBQ Ribs in the slow cooker! I also said that if they turned out well, I'd share the recipe!
WELL they were AMAZING! I was very surprised and super impressed! I've never made ribs ever...and I've never made anything in the crock pot either, SO I was super pumped to start!
I got the recipe from Taste of Home magazine, their August & September 2009 issue! It seriously took 15 minutes to prep this morning and then I just left them all day!


Secret's in the Sauce BBQ Ribs:
2 racks pork baby back ribs (about 4-1/2 lbs)
1-1/2 tsp. pepper
2-1/2 cups barbecue sauce (I chose KC Masterpiece Original)
3/4 cup cherry preserves
1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard (Kroger brand for me)
1 garlic clove, minced (I used a tsp. of the pre-minced stuff because I don't go through enough fresh garlic to buy an entire clove.)

Cut rings into serving-size pieces; sprinkle with pepper. Place in a 5 or 6 quart slow cooker. (I only used 1 rack in my 4 quart cooker and froze the other rack). Combine the remaining ingredients; pour over ribs.

Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until meat is tender. Serve with sauce. (I only had to cook mine for 5...they were already falling off the bone!)




These ribs were so good!! They fell right off the bone. B LOVED them! I threw together some frozen mixed veggies and we had a nice meal!
I've decided that crock pot meals are the WAY TO GO, especially since I will be working dinner shifts 3 nights a week. B can most certainly help himself to a great dinner without having much kitchen knowledge or having to order take-out!

<3
YaY!
I think I'm starting to REALLY like this cooking thing!!!

Next task:
From the same issue of Taste of Home: Gooey Chocolate Cookies!
Tonight?
Perhaps!

Slow Cooker BBQ Ribs

My husband LOVES BBQ and he LOVES ribs, so this morning, I'm attempting to put the two together using a recipe from Taste of Home magazine! They go in the crock pot, which I'm super pumped about!

If they turn out alright, I'll put the recipe up here! If not, then I'll just keep the disaster to myself!
It's a crock pot, and not that easy to mess up *luckily* and this is my first crock pot dish ever!

I'm pumped!

<3

Fatigue

I have been having a problem for the past week and a half. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I am overly tired in the morning and half of the afternoon. It takes me hours to get moving, and that's just not typical for me. I know I have been sleeping differently because I've been dreaming almost every night the whole night, so maybe this has something to do with it.
I also think that once we get in to some type of routine, it will be much easier on my body. It just SUCKS right now.
I looked up all the possible causes of fatigue, and the only ones that even kind of apply are the stress, unbalanced diet, and lack of routine.

Hopefully, this will be worked out once we get things more settled around here!

I don't like waking up feeling like I took Nyquil every single night!

:(
Sad day.

Aria

Aria is my 1 year old Calico cat:




(I don't have a better picture of her on this computer.)


This is how she acts:




I love her!!!

Nightmares

I had 2 very intense nightmares last night. They were very specific with very specific people involved. As opposed to the type of dreams including people you know, but you can't see their faces, you just KNOW it's them.

My first nightmare went a little something like this:

I was with a girl I know from home named Rachel, and we were somewhere in our hometown at a rival basketball game. During this basketball game we ended up doing some type of trick snowboarding? or something like that. Afterward, a new basketball game was about to start, so we decided to sell things we'd made. We took my other friend Sommer, and what seemed to be Melissa with us to sell stuff. I remember having to park miles away from this game and take a shuttle to our car because there was no parking, so instead of driving to our retail set up, we walked (about 5 miles). I had my video camera out filming ridiculous parts of the evening, including the location we'd chosen to set up shop. It was down a holler in the middle of nowhere. There was a field next to us on our right and a small house a bit farther down the field on our left. The people from the house came out and chatted with us for awhile. They were extremely kind and all was well.
Nightfall hit and these people started shooting at us!!!! So the 4 of us had to run the entire 5 miles back to our cars, but we didn't make it to them...Instead we ended up somewhere near an ocean. When we woke up the next morning NONE of us could remember what had happened. We didn't know where we were or what we had been doing prior to the running. We couldn't even remember where the actual location of the shooting site was. Another friend of mine from high school, Chris Brewster, ended up in the same place and he kept asking us if we'd see the hotel in the middle of the water...Eventually, we remembered that yes, we'd passed a hotel on an island that looked like it was the only thing there, but we weren't sure why it was significant.
When I finally got to my mom's, I was trying to explain what had happened, but I had no recollection of anything. I then remembered the video camera! We watched everything, and took off driving to find the house of the people that shot at us. They were coal truck drivers and somehow I managed to push over one of the trucks. The guy was fine, but they knew that someone had tampered with their truck. Mom and I were still sitting on the side of the road and she tried to play it off as if we'd just stumbled upon the accident, but the guy knew better. He said he would give us a call and that we could go on our way, but his eyes definitely let us know he was going to follow us to kill us...
then I WOKE UP!


It was awful!


THEN, I went back to sleep and had a dream that my old friend Levi died! I remember a car explosion being in that one, and some crazy girl who had brain washed him. He was looking around from his coffin, but he was dead...it was creepy. I talked to his mom after the funeral and she said that she had some things for me and to make sure that some specific girl (the brain washer) didn't get her hands on any of it...She said he'd written up a will because he knew he was going to die...
Then I grieved and woke up.



Ugh.
I've been having nightmares/dreams constantly for the past week.
I'd like to sleep please.

Paris Hilton has a reality show...

What in the world happened to television?
With the exception of a small handful of shows, the rest is just white noise! Every station has fallen prey to this, but the WORST has to be MTV!

They were at the head of the reality curve when The Real World started in 1992. Since then, they have filmed something like 21 seasons, but that's neither here nor there. Right now, there is a show by Paris Hilton called "My New BFF"! (WHAT?!) It's essentially like The Bachelor, only she doesn't date them, just tries to find her new BFF. (At least that's what it looks like...I just stumbled on this show today and I don't plan on watching much more.)
What happened to shows like Daria and My So-Called Life!?
Better yet, what the heck happened to MTV!?
It was bad enough when they started having more TV shows than videos...then they started to cut TRL so only part of the video was shown, but now this!?
And of ALL people...Paris Hilton!? How does someone get THAT famous with that little talent?
I'll never get it.

I'm very confused right now and I think I died a little inside today...

Over-emotional performer

I have an uncanny ability to mask my emotions and not let people in too deep. I'm not sure from where it stems, nor does it really matter at this moment, but I am just beginning to realize how acutely it affects my performing ability.
I've known how guarded I am for years. That in and of itself is nothing new. I have always known other people much better than they know me.

When I was a Freshman in college and at the top of the curve vocally, it didn't really matter that I didn't perform well. "You're a freshman, that's just how it is." It was overlooked and not usually talked about. When being critiqued, MOST of the time it was on technical things. The farther I went along in college, the better I got, but I was still very disconnected from my character and what I was singing about. Instead of conveying a real character with distinct emotions, I protrayed a mood. (A step up from the beginning years of standing there looking like I was reading words somewhere out in the audience).
I have a minor in Theatre. My acting teachers liked me, and apparently saw SOME sort of potential in my abilities as an actress, so they invited me to join the senior acting studio in their Shakespeare class. I had a blast, learned a lot, and thought I walked away with valuable information I would be able to put into my performances.
Then came my senior recital. I was so pumped to put all this new acting knowledge into my interpretation of these wonderful pieces. I did background work, developed inner monologues, and numerous things in preparation for my final "prove yourself as a performance major" performance. The day came and what happened? I stood by the piano, conveyed a mood, and sang.
...
Yep.

All that information was really to prep this:
I have been working with 2 friends recently on a different aspect of singing. We are working on more musical theatre than I've ever done. (If you're reading this, Dr. Sherman, don't worry, I'm very conscious of my vocal health.) We're working on a lot of Jason Robert Brown pieces and he writes very matter-of-fact lyrics. There's not much need for lyrical interpretation because he says exactly what he means. This has been a WONDERFUL thing to jump into because it leaves the "what is really going on here" guess work out of it. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE interpreting pieces, but it's a nice change of pace.)
HOWEVER, due to the blatant nature of the pieces, there's no way to hide behind whatever wall I have built that has always protected me from being vulnerable on stage. This is quite possibly the most terrifying thing on the planet for me. It shouldn't be. There are 2 other people in the room and both of them love me and want me to succeed. It's not like I'm standing in front of the critiquing eyes of the voice majors in my undergrad. The environment we have this summer is very nurturing. This school is a great place to heal those many things that keep my wall steadily in place, but for some reason, I'm still unable to let go.
I have NO trouble playing the character roles. I will make a fool out of myself on stage any day of the week for the sake of the show, heck, I do that every day anyway, but typical character roles are one dimensional...The things we've been working on have multiple layers, and I'm having a hard time allowing myself to dig deep enough in front of others to show them.
It's affecting me though. Will isn't letting Ruthanne or me get away with keeping our guard up, and that's a good thing. I didn't realize that once you open this can of worms, it's hard to close it up at will, so I've been an emotional basket case for a couple weeks. (I just realized that's where the crazy has its roots, by the way). I'm finally stating to let some of those emotions come to the surface. I'm glad it's happening, but it's also a tough pill to swallow and in our lesson today, I had trouble managing those emotions. I'm not sure if all performers get like this, or if it's just me, but I can see how it's possible.


I'm not really sure if this post had any type of flow or not, but I don't really care. I'm just glad it's all out!

My husband's blog

My husband has a fantastic theological blog:
http://www.katagraphis.com

If you haven't already, you should check it out.
He's definitely the most intelligent person I've ever met, but he has a way of writing about theology that doesn't make me feel stupid for not having the knowledge in the first place.

I think you would all benefit from a look at his blog!

My sleep schedule

My sleep schedule is completely normal for someone who works 2nd shift, but it's not so normal to function well in the rest of the world.

You see, I typically go in to work at 3 or 4pm. This puts me home anywhere from 9-midnight depending on the day. If I could go directly to sleep upon my return from work, I wouldn't really have a problem, but I can't. It takes me quite a while to wind down from the busyness of the day. Perhaps if I wasn't on my feet, running around the entire shift, I might have a bit easier of a time, but this is not the case.

Because I have to wind down first, I'm not in bed until 1am, some nights (like last weekend) it wasn't until 3. *I actually laid down and had to get up an hour later because I was still wide awake, which is why I laid down again at 3*.

That would be fine with me. I'm ok going to bed that late because I still try to get my 8 hours of sleep and USUALLY, I do!

The problem starts on those days when I have to get up early to get things done, or go to piano class, or be at church at 9am. On those days, I look like death warmed over and have the disposition of the Hulk. I try not to, but I need those sweet 7-8 hours of sleep a night...

So instead of sleeping (the husband has been out cold for about 30 minutes now), I'm in the living room writing this blog, wishing I had something more significant to say, but I don't.


So there you go...a blog about my sleeping habits...instead of something "honest" or "interesting" like I mentioned in my previous post...
Old habits die hard, I suppose.


Writing this DID make me sleepy though!
VICTORY!

New Goals

Hello faithful blog world (meaning both of you).

I have decided that it's time this blog gets a face lift, both aesthetically and in regards to subject matter. The only reason I have a blog (or have ever had one) is to make sure people in my life can keep up with what's going on in my little corner of the world. I still aim to keep it that way, but there needs to be a bit more depth sometimes. I'm sure it's not easy for my friends to read "we got our cat a new litter box today" and such other dull boring details every time they visit my page! I am entering a phase of my life where I'm trying to become more honest with myself. I'm not really sure how that will go, or what that will look like here, but we'll see. I've never been one for baring my soul - especially on the internet, so I make no guarantees for this blog, but I'm tired of looking through past posts and only having minute details documented.

I would just like to keep my friends and family informed (honestly) about what's going on in life!

Hopefully, that will begin with a more faithful approach to writing...

We'll see!
<3

It's been 2 weeks!

Bryan and I got married 2 weeks ago and I figured it was time to post a few pictures for those of you who haven't stalked my facebook for them! :D I don't have the professional ones yet, so these are all swiped from my wonderful friends!

We got married here:





My momma made my dress!



Bryan's momma made the AMAZING cake!




Those are a few to hold you over until I get some really good shots up!
<3

The Nature of the Creative Being

I was reading through a book called "The Musician's Soul" and the author James Jordan had a list created by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi from his book "Creativity" detailing the characteristics that he has found in creative individuals. I'm not "sold" on his ideas by any means, I just think it's an interesting list of characteristics.

1. Creative individuals have a great deal of physical energy, but they are often quiet and at rest
2. Creative individuals tend to be smart, yet also naive at the same time.
3. A third paradoxical trait refers to the related combination of playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.
4. Creative individuals alternate between imagination and fantasy at one end, and a rooted sense of reality at the other.
5. Creative people seem to harbor opposite tendencies on the continuum between extroversion and introversion
6. Creative individuals area also remarkably humble and proud at the same time.
7. In all cultures, men are brought up to be the "masculine" and to disregard and repress those aspects of their temperament that the culture regards as "feminine," whereas women are expected to do the opposite.
8. Generally, creative people are thought to be rebellious and independent.
9. Most creative persons are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.
10. Finally, the openness and sensitivity of creative individuals often exposes them to suffering and pain yet also a great deal of enjoyment.


What do you think?

All my girlfriends are leaving - and I'm not OK with it

So far since I've moved to Louisville, my 3 best girl friends have all moved away. Helena was my first Seminary friend - she moved back to Charlotte, NC after the first semester, and now we VERY rarely speak.
Allison and I were such good friends, we were accountability partners - she just left Friday. She'll be in Chicago for the summer, then in Louisville long enough to move her belongings back to NC where her family lives.
Jennifer became my closest music school friend very quickly over the course of the last 2 semesters. I just helped her load a U-Hall yesterday to move back to Georgia.

I'm not OK with this.

It's hard enough to make friends at Seminary. The ratio of boys to girls is like 4000 to 1, and as an engaged woman, I'm not going to make friends with those 4000 boys. I have a few male friends, but only because in music school, you're kind of in each others faces every day for every class and rehearsal that exists, so I don't really have a choice there. I mean, I love my male friends, but I won't hang out with them outside of class. Unless another girl is around, I won't even eat lunch with them.

I've been feeling very lonely lately because of my lack of companionship period. Bryan and I are on completely opposite work schedules, so I only see him on his days off. He goes to work early, and by the time he's off, I'm just heading in to work at Bobs where I stay until the doors are locked. The same is true of work schedules when it comes to time with my roommate, Hannah. She's out the door at 630am every morning and in bed before I get back. We've actually gone an entire week without seeing one each other...and we live in the same apartment!

I feel...sad. That's the only way I can explain it. It's hard to say goodbye to your best friends especially when you have all the free time in the world to sit and think about how they are here anymore.

My kitty keeps me company and I am VERY thankful for her because she gives me something to come home to.

I am very thankful that Katie is coming over for a sleepover tonight!!! That will be a ton of fun. We always have a great time! And I am also super pumped that I've been able to see Teresa a couple times in the past few weeks!

I don't know why I'm complaining. I love the girl friends I have, I just wish I could get out of this stupid apartment and see them more often!


AND
I need to play some SOFTBALL or do SOMETHING ACTIVE!!! This is driving me nuts!



On a WONDERFUL note!
I'm getting married in 35 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wedding update!!

Hello 4 friends!

Wedding plans are moving at a much quicker pace than they were during the semester! YAY!
My biggest fear so far:
Invitations and all the possible ways there could be mix ups...like not sending one to someone I thought I sent one to, etc. You know, you've been there!
We have also run out of our RSVP online cards, so a few people will get the RSVP by mail who were initially going to get the online ones, but that's not a big deal at all. If it's the only thing that happens, I will rejoice greatly! I have also re-calculated the guest list and we are down to 295 invites! YAY! That's under 300 which I'm pumped about! We did all the initial costs for 150, and I know they say 20% won't show, but we figure since it's a bit of a "destination" for 90% of the guestlist, the number of regrets will be greater than normal. *crosses fingers* I hope. (is that bad?)

Stamps = expensive!! $88 for 200! That's crazy!

Another fear:
Friends asking to bring dates. How do we tell them, "no"? If they are coming and won't know anyone else in attendance, we are allowing a date, also if they have a long term significant other, they can come *obviously*, but if they are going to be there with 23424987 people they know...let's just say the invitation is addressed to 1. It's extremely expensive to feed strangers I've never met and won't see again. I hope this isn't rude. How can I tell friends politely that we would rather them come stag without upsetting them?



Bryan has been working on what we like to call the "liturgy" for the wedding! He's been picking out the Scriptures and working on the order, etc. This is a VERY big help! I'm super pumped. Since he actually knows what he's doing, it was awesome when he said, "so I've been working on our ceremony!" YAY for fiance!

Speaking of fiance, it's been AWESOME to hang out with him on a regular basis!! YAY!




I think that's about all I have to talk about as far as the wedding is concerned! So there's my little update!
They will all probably be wedding related from here until after the honeymoon, just an FYI!

<3

To do list

Hello blog world, or should I say, all 5 of you who read this!

I have figured out that if I don't write down some summer goals for myself, I'll end up sleeping till 1, going to work at 3, getting home at 11 or so, and doing it all over again. There are a few things I would really like to accomplish this summer!

1. GET MARRIED!!!! woohoo!!!!
2. after finals week, I am starting project Get in Shape for the Wedding. I will be grocery shopping for some healthy foods and starting a daily workout routine! (MutheringHeight, can you email me some of your favorite recipes? (some that don't require a ton of prep work) You eat really great foods! I MIGHT need an explanation of what some of the items are...haha
3. read my theology books for the Survey of Systematic Theology course in the fall. I want to get a head start on the reading for that class so I can learn from it instead of just read to get it finished!
4. practice the things for the Piano Proficiency. I have to have 3 repertoire pieces and 6 accompaniments (which I already have). I also have a ton of hymns to whip into shape and some hymns by ear. I think with a summer of practice under my belt, I can get out of taking the piano level 4 class in the fall!
5. learn Spanish or Italian - ok I know this is a LONG shot (I know that because I have looked into the price of the software and it's 239482394832749823 dollars), but I'd really like to pick those back up again. I had 3 years of Spanish in high school and 2 semester of Italian in college, and I would like to pick up the basics again.
6. learn how to belt from Will
7. take lessons and pick out rep for my recital from Dr. Sherman.


I think those are great goals! The only problem I can see is that I have to be at work at 3, and I usually don't get home until around 11 or later. That means, I can't fall asleep until late, etc. It's a vicious cycle. I just don't want to waste my entire summer sleeping late and working.


There ya go!



Oh and just so ya know, SBTS dropped my program!
bye

Marketing GENIUS!!!

Last night I received a youtube video link from one of my best friends in the world!
It was of a girl named Miranda trying to get voice students:




I laughed hysterically and could NOT believe she was actually serious, but found nothing proving otherwise as it was VERY late and I was tired!


This morning I woke up to a message from another friend confirming that she IS, in fact, a professional named Colleen Ballinger and she's fantastic:




What a genius! Check out "Miranda's" actual page! It's hilarious!

A small update

I'm sorry I don't write in this thing much. I only know a few people who actually read it, and 95% of the time, they already know what's going on in my life.

Things have been crazy here lately. I made it through my mid-semester meltdown with minimal damage, but I still feel like I'll never catch up. This semester has taken SO long to get going, and my schedule constantly changes *even still*, so I have NO routine. (And for those of you who know me...you KNOW I need routine).

Oh well!
Rehearsals for the Mozart opera are going REALLY well. We're having a blast and learning a lot from Dr. Sherman. She's an AMAZING teacher! (I found my adult voice, p.s.! No more sounding like a high school soprano in my middle range!!!)
I am one of the founding members of an a capella group this semester at school. We aren't really sure what will come of it, but there's really nothing better than singing sacred works in a jazz style! It's great!


I'm trying to think of things that actually matter...but there aren't really many, so here's a nicely organized bullet list:
* I am moving from the Bob's I'm at now, to a new one!
* I got my wisdom teeth out and everyone said it would be horrible
* I was not (so far I've had no problems at all)
* I start pre-marital counseling with the B tonight!!!
* I'm really pumped about it! It should be a lot of fun!
* I can't think of anything else
* I really hope best friend Lou comes to school here.
* All of my best girl friends from here are leaving or have already left...
it's hard enough on a seminary campus to find friends who are girls to actually hang out with, but they are all leaving. :( Helena left already, Jenn is leaving after this semester, Alison is leaving in August. :( Sad DAY!

10 things I'm thankful for

Bryan wrote a blog on this very topic. I think it's important to sit down right now and remind myself of a few of the positive things in my life! :D

...I am washed in the blood of the Lamb - something the exact opposite of what I actually deserve
...A fiance who loves me more than I ever thought anyone could
...A fiance who leads and teaches me that joyful submission is the best feeling in the world! (For those of you who know/knew me...you KNOW that's a big deal!)
...Parents who have provided every single thing in my life
...Parents who show and tell me how much they love me.
...The best family in the entire world. I'm pretty sure my family should go down in the Guinness book of world records as being the coolest family on the planet! NAY! The universe. The Bartlows know where it's at.
...The amazing group of support I have in my friends and my community group.
...A Gospel-centered church who is transparent about their flaws
...The opportunity to be a student at a school where I am constantly built up and encouraged.
...My kitten, Aria, who has helped me through all the transitions life has thrown at me over the past 6 months! (wow, I've been here 6 months!)


:D
That was awesome! I wanna write more, but I REALLY need to sleep.

Leo Bernard Schwierjohann

My granddad passed away around 1am this morning. He'd been suffering from and illness for quite sometime and finally went home to God this morning.

While I am still extremely sad about his passing, I have an extreme sense of peace and closure. He decided on Sunday to stop treatment, so I was able to call and talk to him to tell him, "goodbye." My brother and I also knew over Christmas that he wasn't going to be around much longer, so we got him a card and each wrote notes telling him how much we loved him. He knew we did.

I was able to thank him for the many things he's done for me. He bought me my first keyboard when I was in elementary school and encouraged me to keep taking piano lessons. When I would visit, he would have me play his little keyboard (the same exact kind as mine) to show him what I had learned. When mine broke, he gave me his. I only took lessons for a few years early in school, but I had that keyboard until Freshman year of college. When I graduated from college, he and my parents when in together and bought me a very nice Kawai Digital Piano for my graduation present. I play that thing almost everyday.

When he couldn't drive his car anymore, he gave it to me! It's a wonderful 1998 Oldsmobile which I named Bernard after him. That thing is a tank!

He was able to make it to my senior recital in the spring of 2007, so he got the chance to see me sing and he bragged to all the nurses about it.

He was a great man! He told the same stories every time we came to visit, but I never got tired of hearing them. Stories about how the Cincinnati Reds approached him to play baseball for them after WWII, but once he said he was 30 and had a wife they changed their minds...how he was throwing the split knuckle pitch long before anyone else...tons of stories from the war when he was a foot soldier running around in Germany. My favorite memory (and my brother will agree) is from a Christmas when we were VERY small. In his old house, he had a fireplace and mantle. On Christmas Eve, Shaun and I decided we were going to sleep by the fireplace so we could see Santa when he came down the chimney. Granddad then replied by picking up his BB gun and saying, "I'm going to shoot Santa when he comes down the chimney." We cried and cried and cried *obviously too little to understand the joke*. HAHA we STILL laugh about that and I'm SURE my brother will tell his kids the exact same thing.

I've lost a NUMBER of people in my life...that number nearing 20, but Granddad is the closest. My Grandma *his wife* died when I was in the 2nd grade, so I don't really remember much of that, and my step-grandma, Matty, died on my 21st birthday, but they had only been married about 8 years, so I didn't really know her very well either.

This is a sad time in our lives, but I know he's in Heaven playing baseball and flirting with all the women angels. I know I'll see him again!

Staying down on the farm

Many of you know that I have been talking about leaving my current Bob Evans job for quite some time now. I have tried multiple times and nothing has ever worked out. Before Thanksgiving break, I put in applications everywhere and the only response I got ended up not working out because I could only work 1 of the 2 required lunch shifts.
The past little bit, I've been working on going to a different restaurant. I thought I was a shoe in because a friend of mine has worked there for a few years and pretty much did everything for me. All the way from talking me up, to turning my application in to the right manager and checking on the status of it. The manager's response? "She doesn't have enough availability." I put every free moment of my life on that schedule (which, admittedly is not a ton, but it's still 4 days!) Apparently, even the one thing that was "totally going to get me out of Bob Evans" also failed.

(a little back story)
I've worked at Bob's since I was 17. I've made really good money at both other stores I worked at and I loved the people I worked with. At this one...I don't make much at all, and a large majority of my co-workers for some reason do not like me - something I'm completely unfamiliar with feeling...

While I've been on this 'other restaurant is a sure thing' kick, I've started to notice a change at my current job...my co-workers have been opening up to me like CRAZY. There have been many comments about how I'm "the coolest church person they've ever met" and things along those lines. How BLIND have I been!? How many doors does God have to slam in my face before I realize that I'm exactly where I need to be in terms of employment!? The reason I had to stick it out is because for some reason...most of these people have been really burned by the church. (This isn't a fact, it's an assumption). The mere mention of the fact that I was at Seminary of all places automatically raised red flags that have taken since AUGUST to be lowered. God is moving in really great ways where I work, and as much as I'd rather have a better paying job (join the club right?) I know I'm exactly where I need to be.

I wonder how many more awesome things He will do now that I'm not bitter about my employment!? Holy cow the possibilities are ENDLESS and I can't wait!!!