I haven't had much to say on this thing lately. I'm not really sure why today is any different, as I should be getting ready to run a bunch of errands including going to the bank *with 10 days of tip money...they are going to LOVE me with all my $1 bills*, taking my sick roommate and our other friend, Scott to the Dr, dropping off prescriptions, eating lunch, meeting Lou at Forever 21, and learning the rest of "The Prayer" for my music rehearsal with Ryan tonight...but instead of preparing for my morning, I find myself unable to tear myself away from this blog.
It's weird.
It could be the beautiful piece playing in the background via youtube.com. I'm listening to a classmate's composition that was premiered on the New Music Concert back in the fall semester. I'm having trouble fathoming the fact that I know the kid that wrote this. So often, I think "wow that Mozart, what a guy, he was amazing, etc." so it's weird to think, "I sat next to the composer in a couple classes." haha It's just hard for me to wrap my mind around I suppose! Another thing that really got me when I first heard it is how it's not all about the piano (which he is playing) there are a lot of times where the other instruments take precedence. It's just really nice!
For those of you interested, go to youtube and type in Zack Wilson...it's his piano trio (piano, violin, and cello). There are three movements and it's very tonal and GORGEOUS!! I typically can't STAND new music because it's so far removed from any sense of tonality, but this is different. So, check it out if you are so inclined.
Now for the real reason for this post:
Recently, it's started to become apparent to me JUST how depraved we really are. Even though I've heard how no one is good apart from God, and I've read it at least a dozen times...it never resonated with me as much as it has been lately. It started when I was at work a couple weeks ago. I had 90 minutes of sleep, so needless to say I was pretty crabby pants. I found myself having pep talks with myself to insure that I wouldn't take out my crabbyness on those I work with. 20 things could go right, but if I got one bad tip from a table or had to make one too many trips because people at the table couldn't tell me what they wanted all at once...I had to physically stop and remind myself not to throw my tray in the tray holder or smart off to the grill cooks! It was a struggle all day. That is completely opposite of how I usually operate at work. (Granted, at times I do throw my tray in the tray holder, and there are the occasional eye rolls of annoyance, but they are typically very few and far between.)
To continue this realization...I was reading Donald Miller's "Blue like Jazz" (which I don't recommend or not recommend yet...I'm not far enough through it to have an opinion one way or the other on the book) but anyway...
He was having a conversation with one of his friends, I believe it was 'Tony the beat poet' about all the things happening in the Congo (this was published in 2003) and they ended up discussing what makes a person do things like that...rape, murder, etc. and figured out that anyone is capable of such things. Of course, at first I was like "NOT ME, THAT'S HORRIBLE" but why not me? Apart from God no one is good...so what makes me any better than anyone else?
I'm not.
Also...we have to teach kids right from wrong. They don't just instinctively know! I can't believe I haven't realized that part at least, sooner than now! haha It actually makes me laugh. I'm still struggling with the idea that not only is my previous idea completely wrong: 'not everyone is bad, there is good in everyone, etc.' but it's the exact opposite.
Total depravity never meant much to me until now.
I'm finally starting to understand when Bryan advises me not to do something...it's not that he doesn't trust me/thinks I'm going to cheat on him/anything else...it's that our nature is SINFUL, and no matter how 'good' you think you are...and no matter how much you love Jesus...our tendencies as humans are still not good ones!
The entire time I'm typing this...I STILL want to say things like...granted, I wouldn't murder...or...blah blah blah I wouldn't do this or that...
I'm still struggling with this idea that I'm better than other people.
I'm not.
I'm just as sinful as every other person on this planet.
It's hard to wrap my head around it.
I still can't really do it...
1 year ago
2 comments:
I think Kiel put it best last night. He said (paraphrasing) that he wakes up every morning and looks at his wife and reminds himself that it only takes one day to screw up his marriage.
As Christians, we have this weird tension, where we of all people know our depravity (or at least have a glimpse of it) yet we are also being conformed to the image of the Son daily. We need to recognize that balance... yes, because of that battle we have that Paul describes in Romans 7, we are capable of giving in to our sinful nature, yet we are becoming more and more like Christ. I think the balance comes when we recognize we must rely solely on the work of the Holy Spirit through the inspired Bible and through our community of Christians to continue that transformation, and rely on Him every single day to keep us from doing those things.
It's very interesting you chose to write and then the subject on which you chose to write. We were talking about very similar things in class on Sunday.
In class we were discussing Jesus in our marriage. Of course that is a VERY broad topic, but it went into specifically sexual immorality.
The reason I even bring it up is because of past conversations the class has had. Anywho the biggest thing that *I* took out of the class (as well as others I know) is that no one is above the sexual immorality. No One.
To kind of piggy back on what Bryan had said, one of the men in our class said this, "It only takes one dumb decision to totally ruin my marriage." And it's true.
Watch the left of the line in any situation. As you bend your rules even just a little and step 2 inches to the left it may not have a negative consequence, but who knows how many of those 2 inch steps it will take?!
Let your line stay solid and not become blurry.
on a side note....Love you Sam!!! Miss you!!
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