I am a people person. I thrive on the company of others. Too many days by myself starts to get to me. Today, the past month of being alone in Chapmanville finally came to a head. I'm not sure what exactly caused it, but I went to work about 30 minutes early to eat, and as I was sitting there, I found it difficult to choke back the tears.
I miss my boyfriend. I miss my friends in Morgantown. I miss the girls/guys I worked with. Generally, I just miss being around people that know me.
Now, I always miss someone, but growing up 5 hours away from the rest of my family has given me this way of dealing with it...I just don't. I guess that's the best way to put it. I don't typically consciously miss anyone. It's just an emotion that's always been there, but doesn't come out very often. I think I'm just used to it honestly. I don't necessarily think it's because I don't deal with it...I just know how to deal with it I guess. I don't know!
Anyway...once I talked to my friend Heather at work (we've practically grown up together) I felt MUCH better. Just being around that ONE person that knows me (even though we were never super close friends...we have TONS of memories together) made me ok again. *I know girls are emotional, and this post is nothing but that.*
I just need to find something to do. Not necessarily to occupy my time, or distract myself, but here's my typical day:
I sleep in *as late as possible*
take a shower
go to work evening shift
come home
talk to Bryan (which has been a lot of silence on my end because I do nothing, sorry babe)
go to bed
repeat.
I sleep in as late as I can because I have nothing else to do. This morning, I got up, went for a super short jog *it's WAY hard to jog when you haven't done it in years* ate breakfast, showered, then sat around until it was time to go to work.
I'm so used to being so busy all the time that this is KILLING me. I don't need to be as busy as I was *by ANY means* and I have learned how to relax since graduation, but this is the complete opposite of being busy. Bryan used to talk to me all the time about how I always needed something to do and I didn't know how to relax. Well, that was VERY true and I'm VERY thankful for him pointing that out because now I'm ok with laying around and just resting. HOWEVER, after 2 months of that...it's time to find something to do. My emotions need it. I know that might sound like a dumb statement, but it's very true. AND did I mention that 95% of the time I'm at my house...I'm alone, with kitties because my mom works 2 jobs.
I was in Morgantown last week, and it was the best I've felt since I've been home. I spent the majority of time with my roommate, Brandon, and Shane (three of my favorite people) and it did WONDERS for my soul. I have to head back up the day after Mother's Day to get the rest of my stuff and help clean the house because Sommer is moving out. I can't wait to be back there!
Anyway, this is just a bunch of ramblings, but I needed to say it all.
I feel much better!
1 year ago
2 comments:
Sam,
Thanks for being so honest! I can relate to everything you said in SO many respects... and not just because I'm a girl (and an emotional one, at that).
The same thing happened to me for a while when I graduated and was in Morgantown for a year. Even though I was still surrounded by most of the people I knew and loved, I was lonely. Most of my friends were still in college, so they were in a completely different phase of life. They hung out all hours of the night; I couldn't because I had to stay at home and care for my elderly grandmother who couldn't be alone. They skipped class and had fun during the day; I couldn't because I had a full-time job (responsibility, what?). I was planning a wedding and a move out-of-state; everyone else was planning for which party to attend Saturday night (ok, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but that's how I felt). I'm not sure what's worse -- actually being alone, or feeling alone when you're not!
I also have problems relaxing. My mom always used to tell me, "You're only so busy because you want to be -- I never believed her." But as I've gotten older, I've found that she was right (which somehow is always true -- why are moms right so often??). I get a little nervous when I don't have anything to do. Even on a Saturday when I kind of just want to sit around and relax, I invent things that need to be done -- errands that MUST be run TODAY, cleaning that CAN'T WAIT, etc. It's kind of bizarre. Bizarre enough that I'm writing an entire blog post in response to yours, I guess!
I can't WAIT for you to move down. Then we can be busy/lonely together... or not!! :)
Dangit -- I knew I should've proofread before I posted that... I screwed up the quotes in the third paragraph. Please forgive. :)
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