new blog!

Now, I can’t tell you that I’ll actually update this blog more often. I don’t like to make empty promises, however, I have officially made the switch to wordpress! YAY! I’m very happy with it…considering the fact that I have NO idea how to use it yet really. I was just sick of having an email address that I didn’t use anymore for my blogger…so I’d have to sign in and out of everything when I wanted to use it.

Scoot on over there!
http://sweetsammieface.wordpress.com

Goodbye blooger, you've been good to me

So excited!!

I'm very excited about this Thanksgiving!
Mostly because I don't have to drive anywhere. (ha) No, but really - my parents are coming down here this year! Momma is cooking (while I apprentice learning how to make a turkey). Daddy and Shaun will probably sit around with Bryan watching the parade...er football! ha It will be a good time!
Lil' Brudder (Shaun) is staying with us instead of at the hotel with my parents!! (Small apartments do not leave much room for tons of sleepover guests.)

ALSO,
My cousin Brandon (and his g/f, Lisa who's been around longer than I can remember) are coming over for dinner tonight and B is staying with us! Lisa might as well, but that decision has yet to be made. Brandon is the baby cousin. We're all pretty close in age though. Brandon is 21 and the oldest, Brett, is 29 *I think*. So squeeze the other 4 of us in that time period and there you have it. We're pretty close and Brandon goes to school like an hour away, so he's coming to hang out!!!
I can't wait!!!!!

My house has been in cleaning mode for a few days though. Well...it's been in the "I'm thinking about cleaning" mode for a few days and yesterday I cleaned 1/2 of it. Bryan has been working in the office a bit and I cleaned the kitchen, living/dining room(s), and the guest bathroom. We'll finish the office first (since that's where Brandon will sleep) and then I'll move on to our bedroom/bathroom. It's HORRIBLE!
I mean seriously...it's the worst it's been since I moved in! (eh, such is life!)

Anyway, I'm sure you LOVED reading this very boring account of my life!
<3

Happy Thanksgiving

an update for the parents

My daddy told me I needed to update this, so here you go, dad!

Not much of anything other than work and school has been happening. Everything is approaching REALLY, REALLY quickly and that's a bit stressful, so I pretty much won't stop moving until Thanksgiving break...and then I have to memorize music that week, so not until finals are over the first week of December.

I had a GIANT position paper for Systematic Theology due Wednesday, then Doxology went on a 3 school/2 day tour. I'm SUPER exhausted, but we had fun!

I have to conduct a piece from memory in conducting on Tuesday, which I have yet to look at, I have to have an arrangement of any piece I choose (It is Well with my Soul) completely arranged on Friday, and I have a recital that I have to sing in on Saturday at 2:30...I don't even get off work until around 3 or so...so we'll see how that goes. I'll be rushing in from work to sing in front of the head of the voice department at U of L for the first time...I'm going to make a GREAT first impression. I know that my audition isn't until January, but it's a bit unnerving to know that I'll be 1. late, 2. not warmed up, 3. rushing in, 4. in work clothes smelling like country fried steak and syrup, 5. might not even make it if we get THAT busy! I'm not a fan of having to be there despite telling my voice teacher that I don't get off work until later...but whatever. I just have to trust that God has it under control even if I don't like the situation.

My accompanist has MRSA and has been out for a long time now.
I don't have to do an entire voice recital hearing for my jury, so that's good!

Bryan's momma and grandma are in for the weekend! It's fun!
WVU barely eeeked by U of L today, but they won, so I can trash talk my co-workers about it on Wednesday!

That's all!
<3

Happy now dad?!

Sojourn Released their New CD!!

The following is taken from my husband's blog

Sojourn Community Church, where I am a member, has just released their newest album nationwide. The album is called "Over the Grave," and contains songs inspired by and adapted from the hymns of Isaac Watts. Here's what SojournMusic.com has to say about the album:

In the midst of the Reformation in England, Isaac Watts recognized that people needed to see the gospel in the psalms and hymns of the church, and they needed to sing them in language and metaphors that they understood. In this, he became not only the father of the modern hymn, but the pace-setter for contextualizing the gospel for the people of God.

As musicians, pastors and songwriters, our desire was to explore the hundreds of hymns that Watts wrote during his lifetime, to learn from the incredible range and depth of his lyrics, and to re-envision those songs with modern language and melodies. In particular, we gravitated towards themes that seem unfortunately absent in modern worship — themes about God’s wrath and judgment, His righteousness, and a dramatic vision of the cross and atonement of Christ.

This CD is the first installment of the Isaac Watts Project: songs inspired by and adapted from his hymns. The record was written and performed entirely by musicians from Sojourn Community Church — 35 in all. It is our hope that this project, like Watts’s hymns, will point us beyond the music and lyrics to see the glorious Savior who inspires them.

You can purchase the cd at Sojourn Music. You can also purchase the album on itunes or at amazon, where you can also preview the songs.

For Mandi's Cakes

Dearest Mandi's cakes,

I love that you are here and that I can look at you as much as I want!
You're my favorite kind of cake(s)!

I'm glad we're baking a pumpkin pie right now and the smell is wafting through the apartment!

<3
Samn

Makeup Palette

I just ordered an 88 color makeup palette to add to my stage makeup collection. (And because I'm going as an 80s prom queen for Halloween and stores just do not have these amazing colors).




I got this one from Coastal Scents for $26.05 including shipping.
I found one on Still Glamor Us for $35.00 plus shipping so it ended up being $43. I could NOT do that. I also found one with 120 colors, but it was from a company called Tamanala, but it's based out of Hong Kong...so I wasn't a fan of having it shipped overseas, etc.

I did some looking around in Target and online at Wet-n-Wild products and brands you think would have the outrageous colors (Rimmel London, etc) but NONE of them had colors like these. Cover Girl came closest but it's around $6 for individual colors! That's crazy!
I'm just super excited that I found the 88 palette I wanted for half the price I initially saw it for!!

YaY!

Once it comes in, I'll let you know about it!

Oh yes,
AND I'll post pictures of the Halloween looks!
<3

small update and a recipe!

It's been awhile!
Sorry about that!

Things have been GREAT over here! My husband is so much fun!

My a Capella group came over for a pot luck on Tuesday and we had a BLAST! It was great to have some of my best friends in the city get to hang out with my husband too!

My voice teacher got 4 tickets to the Kentucky Opera's production of Verdi's La Traviata, so she and her husband are taking me and another girl in my voice studio FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited! We get to dress super fancy and I'm SO pumped!!!!

Today, I made a beef stroganoff!
I took a recipe from allrecipes.com and tweaked it!


ground beef
1/2 chopped onion
4oz cream cheese
Worcestershire sauce
1 can golden mushroom sauce
egg noodles
1/4 cup of water


Cook the meat, add the soup, water, Worcestershire and onion, then add the cream cheese!
Put over top of the cooked noodles

DONE!
It's SO good!!!
It was originally a slow cooker meal with cubed stew meat or something, but I had a lot of ground beef that I had to use TODAY!

What is my problem?

Warning:
Stream-of-consciousness post follows

I don't know what my deal is, but I suck.

When did I become this lazy?
I don't practice.
I don't read for class.
I don't read the Bible.
I'm annoyed over the stupidest things.

What is wrong with me?

I believe it has everything to do with the statement "I don't read the Bible".
How selfish am I that I can't even find a single minute in my "busy" day to spend time with the Lord everlasting, the Creator of the ends of the earth!? What do I do all day!? Certainly none of the things I'm supposed to be doing.

I go to class.
I do my work for class.
I don't particularly enjoy it, but I don't hate it either...until it comes to conducting. The only reason I dislike conducting?
I'm not good at it!
I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to do what I want my hands to do! I basically shut down and become unable to be helped. I dread that class everyday because the last thing I want is for people picking apart a skill that I already know I don't have.
That's dumb!
That's why I'm in the class!!!

I feel more uncomfortable in my own skin than I ever remember feeling.
I feel like I should be more talented than I am.
I feel hurt that friends haven't responded to things I've sent them.
I feel hurt that I have no idea why I've been phased out of having a say in anything that happens with the group.
I feel taken for granted.

Who am I?
No one!
I'm not entitled to anything! I have this very American way of thinking that I should have the 'right' to this that or the other thing.
Let me tell you what! When I get out of my own way and stop relying on feelings (the least reliable form of truth in the world) and I take a good, long look in the mirror...
I see a sinner who constantly chooses other things over God! I'm living as if I never knew Him at all! Why in the WORLD aren't things worse!?
I deny His existence my very life, but He still sees me through Christ!
All my sins, all my offenses against this pure and Holy God are washed away because He loved me so much, He sent his only Son to die for those offenses, so I didn't have to! When God looks at this wretched person I am, He doesn't see the lazy, whiny, thankless person...He sees His daughter!
I am SO thankful for that!
Why don't I live like I know that's true!?
The fact that I am a child of God is THE most TRUE thing about me, but I don't live that way.
I live a life that puts God in a bubble with all these restrictions and limits.


Have you know known?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the Everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable!
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint!
Isaiah 40:28-31

Father,
How I need you to break my heart, Lord!! I want to live out these truths! I want to be BOLD! Crucify this horrible attitude I've had!

...in the workplace

Today, I mistakenly left my phone in a locker without a lock at work this evening. My phone was stolen 2 months before my wedding because of the same negligence on my part...I accidentally left it in the locker instead of in my pocket or car.
Today...the replacement phone was stolen again. This is the first time I've had my purse/phone at work since the incident but because I needed to have girl things with me all day, I took it in (purposely leaving my wallet outside). He/she opened my purse (again) and took my phone (again).

It's very hard to know that I am one of the nicest people working there, and I've had something taken from me two times. (I think it's by the same person...I have a suspicion.) I PRAY that I handled it with grace and mercy. I told my manager what happened...he knew I was upset, but I was trying to handle it in a manner worthy of the gospel. I didn't yell, I didn't cuss, (I wanted to!) I really wanted to walk straight up to the guy and scream at him to empty his pockets, but I couldn't. Praise the LORD I couldn't. Our manager, Kevin, called everyone to the back, said what happened, mentioned that we have cameras that they'll be going through in the morning, and gave he/she a chance to turn the phone in by anonymously placing it on the office desk. My co-workers kept checking on me and telling me that they'd be yelling and punching things and they couldn't understand why I wasn't. I really pray that they could see the love of Christ in me...that they saw something different in the way I reacted. I pray that the person who took my phone knows I forgive them, and I forgave them the last time (whether it was the same person or not). It's just a phone. It's a thing. I feel worse because the phone was a gift from my mother-in-law and she paid to replace it last time.

To be honest, I'm more upset with myself for my mistake. That's not a habit...leaving things in my locker. It's happened twice...and both times, it's been because I forgot that day to take it out and keep it in my car or pocket.

To be really honest...it's hard for me to walk back in there. Knowing that someone I am nice to every shift purposely stole something from me (maybe even twice). That sucks ya know. But I know that in life, things get messy...you get hurt and the people I work with are hurting much worse than simply being out a phone (or two). We need the gospel! We need to see real faith being lived out. So many of my co-workers have been burned by the church and Christians who profess Christ's love, but live contradictory lifestyles. I know I'm supposed to stay there and let them see that my hope doesn't lie in the things of this world. My hope is in Christ Jesus and He's already won the battle! Walking back in there tomorrow morning will be difficult...it will be more difficult on Wednesday when I'm on the same shift with everyone, and worse on Friday when the exact same people are present, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, my strength comes from God and the hope of what I KNOW to be true in His Son! I just pray that someone sees that.

Attention Christian men: Stop acting like boys

I feel the need to speak on an issue that doesn't get addressed enough.
Christian men, stop dragging women along if you have no interest in them. For the life of me, I cannot understand why you continue to invest emotional energy in the women in your life if you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with them. I'm not talking about causal friends who just happen to hang out once in awhile and have surface level conversations. I'm talking about the guys who give specialized attention to one of their female friends on a consistent basis with no intentions of the relationship progressing whatsoever.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN'S HEART!

I have multiple friends (3 without even dwelling on it) in this situation:
A guy starts hanging out with her alone consistently, texting her constantly, giving her compliments on a regular basis, having her spend time with his family, etc. He doesn't do this with anyone else. It's not as if she is part of a group of people he is inviting to do all these things. When asked by the girl, or others, what his intentions are, he gives generic responses like "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't really know how I feel about you, I need time to think" or any of those generic statements women hear. If the guy doesn't feel anything beyond platonic feelings for said girl, he should change how he is treating her because obviously, he's given her the wrong impression. I understand how this happens. Sometimes, guys are just completely oblivious to the situation, but once it's brought into the light, he needs to man up and change his behavior.

First of all, the girl shouldn't have to sit you, the man, down to have a chat about this. You should make your intentions clear from the beginning. If you are interested, GREAT! If you're not, stop acting like it! Perhaps you didn't realize the magnitude of your actions. So, once this has been brought to your attention, you need to be very cautious about how you handle this delicate friendship. Simply stating that you are not ready for a relationship does NOTHING to remedy the situation without seriously tweaking the way you interact with her. You can tell her you're not interested until you're blue in the face, but if you still text her constantly, invite her to hang out alone, etc. it's your problem, not hers for 'reading to too much into it' which females get accused of enough as it is.

Men - If you have a guy friend who is doing this to a girl, you need to man up and tell him how it is! Stop sucking as friends and rebuke your brother(s) in Christ!

And to the ladies (who aren't completely without fault in some cases) - If a guy tells you he's not interested, but continues to treat you like he is...you need to stop wasting your time. Let it be known that he is not acting like a man of Christ, then cut him out. In the same way that his actions speak louder than his words (in regards to continuing to treat you the same even after the "conversation") your actions speak louder than words as well. Simply telling him he's being a tool while allowing him to get away with toying with your heart will do him no good in the future.

Anyway, sorry I just went on and on about that, but I'm very frustrated with Christian men who act like babies and the men (and women) who let them get away with it.

Bottom line:
Stop acting like tools. Man up and start acting in a manner worthy of the gospel!

apartment chaos

Our apartment is still in the "settling in" stage of its existence. We finally finished all the painting and things, but there are still many items without a "home".
For example, my bookshelf broke, so it's now only 3 shelves instead of 5, so all of my binders from past music classes that I actually need to keep, are piled up under the coffee table with many more stacked to the side in a corner. All of the other books that didn't fit in that 5 shelf bookshelf initially, are sitting on the floor of the office along with all the wedding gifts that need to be returned, given away, or put on the walls. I put trash out on the porch the other night, forgot about it, and something got into it creating a mess and a warning phone call from the office that we received at 730 this morning. And to top off my over-dramatic retelling of the "mess" that is my life (I meant that sarcastically because you see, I know I'm over reacting) my kitchen was a MESS! *Why is it that no matter how many times you clean your kitchen, or how often, it's still messy?*
So, the day started off crappy, and continued with me scrubbing my kitchen and picking up everything I own (with the exception of the bedroom - that's another story) while tears were streaming down my face because I was so frustrated that I still had stuff everywhere.

Now, I know this is a season. We're not settled in all the way, our classes are JUST getting into the swing of things, B started a new job, I have a slight schedule change with my job, etc, but I have NO idea what caused me to flip out this morning. I'm just very glad the husband was already gone because I would have taken this irrational crap out on him.



Ok, I feel better!
<3

Addiction

If you're a SYTYCD fan, you've probably already seen this video, but I ran across it the other day, and I can't stop watching it!

The song is called "Gravity" by Sara Bareillas and the name of the piece is called "Addiction". I love modern dance and this piece makes me cry almost every time I watch it.


Enjoy!










AND as an extra, from a few seasons ago:

Sojourn Community Church

My Tylenol PM is kicking in, so I can't really write a post on the topic of how amazing Sojourn is, but you can check them out here:

Sojourn Community Church
(I tried to make it a link, but it was being silly
You can thank your husband).


I'll write more about why it is such a great community when I am not about to fall asleep!

BBQ RIB SUCCESS!

Hello loves!
In my last post, I mentioned that I was making Bryan BBQ Ribs in the slow cooker! I also said that if they turned out well, I'd share the recipe!
WELL they were AMAZING! I was very surprised and super impressed! I've never made ribs ever...and I've never made anything in the crock pot either, SO I was super pumped to start!
I got the recipe from Taste of Home magazine, their August & September 2009 issue! It seriously took 15 minutes to prep this morning and then I just left them all day!


Secret's in the Sauce BBQ Ribs:
2 racks pork baby back ribs (about 4-1/2 lbs)
1-1/2 tsp. pepper
2-1/2 cups barbecue sauce (I chose KC Masterpiece Original)
3/4 cup cherry preserves
1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard (Kroger brand for me)
1 garlic clove, minced (I used a tsp. of the pre-minced stuff because I don't go through enough fresh garlic to buy an entire clove.)

Cut rings into serving-size pieces; sprinkle with pepper. Place in a 5 or 6 quart slow cooker. (I only used 1 rack in my 4 quart cooker and froze the other rack). Combine the remaining ingredients; pour over ribs.

Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until meat is tender. Serve with sauce. (I only had to cook mine for 5...they were already falling off the bone!)




These ribs were so good!! They fell right off the bone. B LOVED them! I threw together some frozen mixed veggies and we had a nice meal!
I've decided that crock pot meals are the WAY TO GO, especially since I will be working dinner shifts 3 nights a week. B can most certainly help himself to a great dinner without having much kitchen knowledge or having to order take-out!

<3
YaY!
I think I'm starting to REALLY like this cooking thing!!!

Next task:
From the same issue of Taste of Home: Gooey Chocolate Cookies!
Tonight?
Perhaps!

Slow Cooker BBQ Ribs

My husband LOVES BBQ and he LOVES ribs, so this morning, I'm attempting to put the two together using a recipe from Taste of Home magazine! They go in the crock pot, which I'm super pumped about!

If they turn out alright, I'll put the recipe up here! If not, then I'll just keep the disaster to myself!
It's a crock pot, and not that easy to mess up *luckily* and this is my first crock pot dish ever!

I'm pumped!

<3

Fatigue

I have been having a problem for the past week and a half. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I am overly tired in the morning and half of the afternoon. It takes me hours to get moving, and that's just not typical for me. I know I have been sleeping differently because I've been dreaming almost every night the whole night, so maybe this has something to do with it.
I also think that once we get in to some type of routine, it will be much easier on my body. It just SUCKS right now.
I looked up all the possible causes of fatigue, and the only ones that even kind of apply are the stress, unbalanced diet, and lack of routine.

Hopefully, this will be worked out once we get things more settled around here!

I don't like waking up feeling like I took Nyquil every single night!

:(
Sad day.

Aria

Aria is my 1 year old Calico cat:




(I don't have a better picture of her on this computer.)


This is how she acts:




I love her!!!

Nightmares

I had 2 very intense nightmares last night. They were very specific with very specific people involved. As opposed to the type of dreams including people you know, but you can't see their faces, you just KNOW it's them.

My first nightmare went a little something like this:

I was with a girl I know from home named Rachel, and we were somewhere in our hometown at a rival basketball game. During this basketball game we ended up doing some type of trick snowboarding? or something like that. Afterward, a new basketball game was about to start, so we decided to sell things we'd made. We took my other friend Sommer, and what seemed to be Melissa with us to sell stuff. I remember having to park miles away from this game and take a shuttle to our car because there was no parking, so instead of driving to our retail set up, we walked (about 5 miles). I had my video camera out filming ridiculous parts of the evening, including the location we'd chosen to set up shop. It was down a holler in the middle of nowhere. There was a field next to us on our right and a small house a bit farther down the field on our left. The people from the house came out and chatted with us for awhile. They were extremely kind and all was well.
Nightfall hit and these people started shooting at us!!!! So the 4 of us had to run the entire 5 miles back to our cars, but we didn't make it to them...Instead we ended up somewhere near an ocean. When we woke up the next morning NONE of us could remember what had happened. We didn't know where we were or what we had been doing prior to the running. We couldn't even remember where the actual location of the shooting site was. Another friend of mine from high school, Chris Brewster, ended up in the same place and he kept asking us if we'd see the hotel in the middle of the water...Eventually, we remembered that yes, we'd passed a hotel on an island that looked like it was the only thing there, but we weren't sure why it was significant.
When I finally got to my mom's, I was trying to explain what had happened, but I had no recollection of anything. I then remembered the video camera! We watched everything, and took off driving to find the house of the people that shot at us. They were coal truck drivers and somehow I managed to push over one of the trucks. The guy was fine, but they knew that someone had tampered with their truck. Mom and I were still sitting on the side of the road and she tried to play it off as if we'd just stumbled upon the accident, but the guy knew better. He said he would give us a call and that we could go on our way, but his eyes definitely let us know he was going to follow us to kill us...
then I WOKE UP!


It was awful!


THEN, I went back to sleep and had a dream that my old friend Levi died! I remember a car explosion being in that one, and some crazy girl who had brain washed him. He was looking around from his coffin, but he was dead...it was creepy. I talked to his mom after the funeral and she said that she had some things for me and to make sure that some specific girl (the brain washer) didn't get her hands on any of it...She said he'd written up a will because he knew he was going to die...
Then I grieved and woke up.



Ugh.
I've been having nightmares/dreams constantly for the past week.
I'd like to sleep please.

Paris Hilton has a reality show...

What in the world happened to television?
With the exception of a small handful of shows, the rest is just white noise! Every station has fallen prey to this, but the WORST has to be MTV!

They were at the head of the reality curve when The Real World started in 1992. Since then, they have filmed something like 21 seasons, but that's neither here nor there. Right now, there is a show by Paris Hilton called "My New BFF"! (WHAT?!) It's essentially like The Bachelor, only she doesn't date them, just tries to find her new BFF. (At least that's what it looks like...I just stumbled on this show today and I don't plan on watching much more.)
What happened to shows like Daria and My So-Called Life!?
Better yet, what the heck happened to MTV!?
It was bad enough when they started having more TV shows than videos...then they started to cut TRL so only part of the video was shown, but now this!?
And of ALL people...Paris Hilton!? How does someone get THAT famous with that little talent?
I'll never get it.

I'm very confused right now and I think I died a little inside today...

Over-emotional performer

I have an uncanny ability to mask my emotions and not let people in too deep. I'm not sure from where it stems, nor does it really matter at this moment, but I am just beginning to realize how acutely it affects my performing ability.
I've known how guarded I am for years. That in and of itself is nothing new. I have always known other people much better than they know me.

When I was a Freshman in college and at the top of the curve vocally, it didn't really matter that I didn't perform well. "You're a freshman, that's just how it is." It was overlooked and not usually talked about. When being critiqued, MOST of the time it was on technical things. The farther I went along in college, the better I got, but I was still very disconnected from my character and what I was singing about. Instead of conveying a real character with distinct emotions, I protrayed a mood. (A step up from the beginning years of standing there looking like I was reading words somewhere out in the audience).
I have a minor in Theatre. My acting teachers liked me, and apparently saw SOME sort of potential in my abilities as an actress, so they invited me to join the senior acting studio in their Shakespeare class. I had a blast, learned a lot, and thought I walked away with valuable information I would be able to put into my performances.
Then came my senior recital. I was so pumped to put all this new acting knowledge into my interpretation of these wonderful pieces. I did background work, developed inner monologues, and numerous things in preparation for my final "prove yourself as a performance major" performance. The day came and what happened? I stood by the piano, conveyed a mood, and sang.
...
Yep.

All that information was really to prep this:
I have been working with 2 friends recently on a different aspect of singing. We are working on more musical theatre than I've ever done. (If you're reading this, Dr. Sherman, don't worry, I'm very conscious of my vocal health.) We're working on a lot of Jason Robert Brown pieces and he writes very matter-of-fact lyrics. There's not much need for lyrical interpretation because he says exactly what he means. This has been a WONDERFUL thing to jump into because it leaves the "what is really going on here" guess work out of it. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE interpreting pieces, but it's a nice change of pace.)
HOWEVER, due to the blatant nature of the pieces, there's no way to hide behind whatever wall I have built that has always protected me from being vulnerable on stage. This is quite possibly the most terrifying thing on the planet for me. It shouldn't be. There are 2 other people in the room and both of them love me and want me to succeed. It's not like I'm standing in front of the critiquing eyes of the voice majors in my undergrad. The environment we have this summer is very nurturing. This school is a great place to heal those many things that keep my wall steadily in place, but for some reason, I'm still unable to let go.
I have NO trouble playing the character roles. I will make a fool out of myself on stage any day of the week for the sake of the show, heck, I do that every day anyway, but typical character roles are one dimensional...The things we've been working on have multiple layers, and I'm having a hard time allowing myself to dig deep enough in front of others to show them.
It's affecting me though. Will isn't letting Ruthanne or me get away with keeping our guard up, and that's a good thing. I didn't realize that once you open this can of worms, it's hard to close it up at will, so I've been an emotional basket case for a couple weeks. (I just realized that's where the crazy has its roots, by the way). I'm finally stating to let some of those emotions come to the surface. I'm glad it's happening, but it's also a tough pill to swallow and in our lesson today, I had trouble managing those emotions. I'm not sure if all performers get like this, or if it's just me, but I can see how it's possible.


I'm not really sure if this post had any type of flow or not, but I don't really care. I'm just glad it's all out!