Le vita è bella

new blog!

2010-01-07T09:47:00.000-08:00

Now, I can’t tell you that I’ll actually update this blog more often. I don’t like to make empty promises, however, I have officially made the switch to wordpress! YAY! I’m very happy with it…considering the fact that I have NO idea how to use it yet really. I was just sick of having an email address that I didn’t use anymore for my blogger…so I’d have to sign in and out of everything when I wanted to use it.

Scoot on over there!
http://sweetsammieface.wordpress.com

Goodbye blooger, you've been good to me

So excited!!

2009-11-24T07:31:00.001-08:00

I'm very excited about this Thanksgiving!
Mostly because I don't have to drive anywhere. (ha) No, but really - my parents are coming down here this year! Momma is cooking (while I apprentice learning how to make a turkey). Daddy and Shaun will probably sit around with Bryan watching the parade...er football! ha It will be a good time!
Lil' Brudder (Shaun) is staying with us instead of at the hotel with my parents!! (Small apartments do not leave much room for tons of sleepover guests.)

ALSO,
My cousin Brandon (and his g/f, Lisa who's been around longer than I can remember) are coming over for dinner tonight and B is staying with us! Lisa might as well, but that decision has yet to be made. Brandon is the baby cousin. We're all pretty close in age though. Brandon is 21 and the oldest, Brett, is 29 *I think*. So squeeze the other 4 of us in that time period and there you have it. We're pretty close and Brandon goes to school like an hour away, so he's coming to hang out!!!
I can't wait!!!!!

My house has been in cleaning mode for a few days though. Well...it's been in the "I'm thinking about cleaning" mode for a few days and yesterday I cleaned 1/2 of it. Bryan has been working in the office a bit and I cleaned the kitchen, living/dining room(s), and the guest bathroom. We'll finish the office first (since that's where Brandon will sleep) and then I'll move on to our bedroom/bathroom. It's HORRIBLE!
I mean seriously...it's the worst it's been since I moved in! (eh, such is life!)

Anyway, I'm sure you LOVED reading this very boring account of my life!
<3

Happy Thanksgiving

an update for the parents

2009-11-07T13:51:00.000-08:00

My daddy told me I needed to update this, so here you go, dad!

Not much of anything other than work and school has been happening. Everything is approaching REALLY, REALLY quickly and that's a bit stressful, so I pretty much won't stop moving until Thanksgiving break...and then I have to memorize music that week, so not until finals are over the first week of December.

I had a GIANT position paper for Systematic Theology due Wednesday, then Doxology went on a 3 school/2 day tour. I'm SUPER exhausted, but we had fun!

I have to conduct a piece from memory in conducting on Tuesday, which I have yet to look at, I have to have an arrangement of any piece I choose (It is Well with my Soul) completely arranged on Friday, and I have a recital that I have to sing in on Saturday at 2:30...I don't even get off work until around 3 or so...so we'll see how that goes. I'll be rushing in from work to sing in front of the head of the voice department at U of L for the first time...I'm going to make a GREAT first impression. I know that my audition isn't until January, but it's a bit unnerving to know that I'll be 1. late, 2. not warmed up, 3. rushing in, 4. in work clothes smelling like country fried steak and syrup, 5. might not even make it if we get THAT busy! I'm not a fan of having to be there despite telling my voice teacher that I don't get off work until later...but whatever. I just have to trust that God has it under control even if I don't like the situation.

My accompanist has MRSA and has been out for a long time now.
I don't have to do an entire voice recital hearing for my jury, so that's good!

Bryan's momma and grandma are in for the weekend! It's fun!
WVU barely eeeked by U of L today, but they won, so I can trash talk my co-workers about it on Wednesday!

That's all!
<3

Happy now dad?!

Sojourn Released their New CD!!

2009-10-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

The following is taken from my husband's blog

Sojourn Community Church, where I am a member, has just released their newest album nationwide. The album is called "Over the Grave," and contains songs inspired by and adapted from the hymns of Isaac Watts. Here's what SojournMusic.com has to say about the album:

In the midst of the Reformation in England, Isaac Watts recognized that people needed to see the gospel in the psalms and hymns of the church, and they needed to sing them in language and metaphors that they understood. In this, he became not only the father of the modern hymn, but the pace-setter for contextualizing the gospel for the people of God.

As musicians, pastors and songwriters, our desire was to explore the hundreds of hymns that Watts wrote during his lifetime, to learn from the incredible range and depth of his lyrics, and to re-envision those songs with modern language and melodies. In particular, we gravitated towards themes that seem unfortunately absent in modern worship — themes about God’s wrath and judgment, His righteousness, and a dramatic vision of the cross and atonement of Christ.

This CD is the first installment of the Isaac Watts Project: songs inspired by and adapted from his hymns. The record was written and performed entirely by musicians from Sojourn Community Church — 35 in all. It is our hope that this project, like Watts’s hymns, will point us beyond the music and lyrics to see the glorious Savior who inspires them.

You can purchase the cd at Sojourn Music. You can also purchase the album on itunes or at amazon, where you can also preview the songs.

For Mandi's Cakes

2009-10-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

Dearest Mandi's cakes,

I love that you are here and that I can look at you as much as I want!
You're my favorite kind of cake(s)!

I'm glad we're baking a pumpkin pie right now and the smell is wafting through the apartment!

<3
Samn

Makeup Palette

2009-10-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

I just ordered an 88 color makeup palette to add to my stage makeup collection. (And because I'm going as an 80s prom queen for Halloween and stores just do not have these amazing colors).

I got this one from Coastal Scents for $26.05 including shipping.
I found one on Still Glamor Us for $35.00 plus shipping so it ended up being $43. I could NOT do that. I also found one with 120 colors, but it was from a company called Tamanala, but it's based out of Hong Kong...so I wasn't a fan of having it shipped overseas, etc.

I did some looking around in Target and online at Wet-n-Wild products and brands you think would have the outrageous colors (Rimmel London, etc) but NONE of them had colors like these. Cover Girl came closest but it's around $6 for individual colors! That's crazy!
I'm just super excited that I found the 88 palette I wanted for half the price I initially saw it for!!

YaY!

Once it comes in, I'll let you know about it!

Oh yes,
AND I'll post pictures of the Halloween looks!
<3

small update and a recipe!

2009-09-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile!
Sorry about that!

Things have been GREAT over here! My husband is so much fun!

My a Capella group came over for a pot luck on Tuesday and we had a BLAST! It was great to have some of my best friends in the city get to hang out with my husband too!

My voice teacher got 4 tickets to the Kentucky Opera's production of Verdi's La Traviata, so she and her husband are taking me and another girl in my voice studio FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited! We get to dress super fancy and I'm SO pumped!!!!

Today, I made a beef stroganoff!
I took a recipe from allrecipes.com and tweaked it!

ground beef
1/2 chopped onion
4oz cream cheese
Worcestershire sauce
1 can golden mushroom sauce
egg noodles
1/4 cup of water

Cook the meat, add the soup, water, Worcestershire and onion, then add the cream cheese!
Put over top of the cooked noodles

DONE!
It's SO good!!!
It was originally a slow cooker meal with cubed stew meat or something, but I had a lot of ground beef that I had to use TODAY!

What is my problem?

2009-09-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

Warning:
Stream-of-consciousness post follows

I don't know what my deal is, but I suck.

When did I become this lazy?
I don't practice.
I don't read for class.
I don't read the Bible.
I'm annoyed over the stupidest things.

What is wrong with me?

I believe it has everything to do with the statement "I don't read the Bible".
How selfish am I that I can't even find a single minute in my "busy" day to spend time with the Lord everlasting, the Creator of the ends of the earth!? What do I do all day!? Certainly none of the things I'm supposed to be doing.

I go to class.
I do my work for class.
I don't particularly enjoy it, but I don't hate it either...until it comes to conducting. The only reason I dislike conducting?
I'm not good at it!
I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to do what I want my hands to do! I basically shut down and become unable to be helped. I dread that class everyday because the last thing I want is for people picking apart a skill that I already know I don't have.
That's dumb!
That's why I'm in the class!!!

I feel more uncomfortable in my own skin than I ever remember feeling.
I feel like I should be more talented than I am.
I feel hurt that friends haven't responded to things I've sent them.
I feel hurt that I have no idea why I've been phased out of having a say in anything that happens with the group.
I feel taken for granted.

Who am I?
No one!
I'm not entitled to anything! I have this very American way of thinking that I should have the 'right' to this that or the other thing.
Let me tell you what! When I get out of my own way and stop relying on feelings (the least reliable form of truth in the world) and I take a good, long look in the mirror...
I see a sinner who constantly chooses other things over God! I'm living as if I never knew Him at all! Why in the WORLD aren't things worse!?
I deny His existence my very life, but He still sees me through Christ!
All my sins, all my offenses against this pure and Holy God are washed away because He loved me so much, He sent his only Son to die for those offenses, so I didn't have to! When God looks at this wretched person I am, He doesn't see the lazy, whiny, thankless person...He sees His daughter!
I am SO thankful for that!
Why don't I live like I know that's true!?
The fact that I am a child of God is THE most TRUE thing about me, but I don't live that way.
I live a life that puts God in a bubble with all these restrictions and limits.

Have you know known?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the Everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable!
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint!
Isaiah 40:28-31

Father,
How I need you to break my heart, Lord!! I want to live out these truths! I want to be BOLD! Crucify this horrible attitude I've had!

...in the workplace

2009-09-04T19:24:00.001-07:00

Today, I mistakenly left my phone in a locker without a lock at work this evening. My phone was stolen 2 months before my wedding because of the same negligence on my part...I accidentally left it in the locker instead of in my pocket or car.
Today...the replacement phone was stolen again. This is the first time I've had my purse/phone at work since the incident but because I needed to have girl things with me all day, I took it in (purposely leaving my wallet outside). He/she opened my purse (again) and took my phone (again).

It's very hard to know that I am one of the nicest people working there, and I've had something taken from me two times. (I think it's by the same person...I have a suspicion.) I PRAY that I handled it with grace and mercy. I told my manager what happened...he knew I was upset, but I was trying to handle it in a manner worthy of the gospel. I didn't yell, I didn't cuss, (I wanted to!) I really wanted to walk straight up to the guy and scream at him to empty his pockets, but I couldn't. Praise the LORD I couldn't. Our manager, Kevin, called everyone to the back, said what happened, mentioned that we have cameras that they'll be going through in the morning, and gave he/she a chance to turn the phone in by anonymously placing it on the office desk. My co-workers kept checking on me and telling me that they'd be yelling and punching things and they couldn't understand why I wasn't. I really pray that they could see the love of Christ in me...that they saw something different in the way I reacted. I pray that the person who took my phone knows I forgive them, and I forgave them the last time (whether it was the same person or not). It's just a phone. It's a thing. I feel worse because the phone was a gift from my mother-in-law and she paid to replace it last time.

To be honest, I'm more upset with myself for my mistake. That's not a habit...leaving things in my locker. It's happened twice...and both times, it's been because I forgot that day to take it out and keep it in my car or pocket.

To be really honest...it's hard for me to walk back in there. Knowing that someone I am nice to every shift purposely stole something from me (maybe even twice). That sucks ya know. But I know that in life, things get messy...you get hurt and the people I work with are hurting much worse than simply being out a phone (or two). We need the gospel! We need to see real faith being lived out. So many of my co-workers have been burned by the church and Christians who profess Christ's love, but live contradictory lifestyles. I know I'm supposed to stay there and let them see that my hope doesn't lie in the things of this world. My hope is in Christ Jesus and He's already won the battle! Walking back in there tomorrow morning will be difficult...it will be more difficult on Wednesday when I'm on the same shift with everyone, and worse on Friday when the exact same people are present, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, my strength comes from God and the hope of what I KNOW to be true in His Son! I just pray that someone sees that.

Attention Christian men: Stop acting like boys

2009-08-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to speak on an issue that doesn't get addressed enough.
Christian men, stop dragging women along if you have no interest in them. For the life of me, I cannot understand why you continue to invest emotional energy in the women in your life if you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with them. I'm not talking about causal friends who just happen to hang out once in awhile and have surface level conversations. I'm talking about the guys who give specialized attention to one of their female friends on a consistent basis with no intentions of the relationship progressing whatsoever.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO A WOMAN'S HEART!

I have multiple friends (3 without even dwelling on it) in this situation:
A guy starts hanging out with her alone consistently, texting her constantly, giving her compliments on a regular basis, having her spend time with his family, etc. He doesn't do this with anyone else. It's not as if she is part of a group of people he is inviting to do all these things. When asked by the girl, or others, what his intentions are, he gives generic responses like "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I don't really know how I feel about you, I need time to think" or any of those generic statements women hear. If the guy doesn't feel anything beyond platonic feelings for said girl, he should change how he is treating her because obviously, he's given her the wrong impression. I understand how this happens. Sometimes, guys are just completely oblivious to the situation, but once it's brought into the light, he needs to man up and change his behavior.

First of all, the girl shouldn't have to sit you, the man, down to have a chat about this. You should make your intentions clear from the beginning. If you are interested, GREAT! If you're not, stop acting like it! Perhaps you didn't realize the magnitude of your actions. So, once this has been brought to your attention, you need to be very cautious about how you handle this delicate friendship. Simply stating that you are not ready for a relationship does NOTHING to remedy the situation without seriously tweaking the way you interact with her. You can tell her you're not interested until you're blue in the face, but if you still text her constantly, invite her to hang out alone, etc. it's your problem, not hers for 'reading to too much into it' which females get accused of enough as it is.

Men - If you have a guy friend who is doing this to a girl, you need to man up and tell him how it is! Stop sucking as friends and rebuke your brother(s) in Christ!

And to the ladies (who aren't completely without fault in some cases) - If a guy tells you he's not interested, but continues to treat you like he is...you need to stop wasting your time. Let it be known that he is not acting like a man of Christ, then cut him out. In the same way that his actions speak louder than his words (in regards to continuing to treat you the same even after the "conversation") your actions speak louder than words as well. Simply telling him he's being a tool while allowing him to get away with toying with your heart will do him no good in the future.

Anyway, sorry I just went on and on about that, but I'm very frustrated with Christian men who act like babies and the men (and women) who let them get away with it.

Bottom line:
Stop acting like tools. Man up and start acting in a manner worthy of the gospel!

apartment chaos

2009-08-24T08:07:00.001-07:00

Our apartment is still in the "settling in" stage of its existence. We finally finished all the painting and things, but there are still many items without a "home".
For example, my bookshelf broke, so it's now only 3 shelves instead of 5, so all of my binders from past music classes that I actually need to keep, are piled up under the coffee table with many more stacked to the side in a corner. All of the other books that didn't fit in that 5 shelf bookshelf initially, are sitting on the floor of the office along with all the wedding gifts that need to be returned, given away, or put on the walls. I put trash out on the porch the other night, forgot about it, and something got into it creating a mess and a warning phone call from the office that we received at 730 this morning. And to top off my over-dramatic retelling of the "mess" that is my life (I meant that sarcastically because you see, I know I'm over reacting) my kitchen was a MESS! *Why is it that no matter how many times you clean your kitchen, or how often, it's still messy?*
So, the day started off crappy, and continued with me scrubbing my kitchen and picking up everything I own (with the exception of the bedroom - that's another story) while tears were streaming down my face because I was so frustrated that I still had stuff everywhere.

Now, I know this is a season. We're not settled in all the way, our classes are JUST getting into the swing of things, B started a new job, I have a slight schedule change with my job, etc, but I have NO idea what caused me to flip out this morning. I'm just very glad the husband was already gone because I would have taken this irrational crap out on him.

Ok, I feel better!
<3

Addiction

2009-08-10T19:14:00.001-07:00

If you're a SYTYCD fan, you've probably already seen this video, but I ran across it the other day, and I can't stop watching it!

The song is called "Gravity" by Sara Bareillas and the name of the piece is called "Addiction". I love modern dance and this piece makes me cry almost every time I watch it.

Enjoy!

AND as an extra, from a few seasons ago:

Sojourn Community Church

2009-08-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

My Tylenol PM is kicking in, so I can't really write a post on the topic of how amazing Sojourn is, but you can check them out here:

Sojourn Community Church
(~~I tried to make it a link, but it was being silly~~
You can thank your husband).

I'll write more about why it is such a great community when I am not about to fall asleep!

BBQ RIB SUCCESS!

2009-08-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

Hello loves!
In my last post, I mentioned that I was making Bryan BBQ Ribs in the slow cooker! I also said that if they turned out well, I'd share the recipe!
WELL they were AMAZING! I was very surprised and super impressed! I've never made ribs ever...and I've never made anything in the crock pot either, SO I was super pumped to start!
I got the recipe from Taste of Home magazine, their August & September 2009 issue! It seriously took 15 minutes to prep this morning and then I just left them all day!

Secret's in the Sauce BBQ Ribs:
2 racks pork baby back ribs (about 4-1/2 lbs)
1-1/2 tsp. pepper
2-1/2 cups barbecue sauce (I chose KC Masterpiece Original)
3/4 cup cherry preserves
1 Tbsp. Dijon mustard (Kroger brand for me)
1 garlic clove, minced (I used a tsp. of the pre-minced stuff because I don't go through enough fresh garlic to buy an entire clove.)

Cut rings into serving-size pieces; sprinkle with pepper. Place in a 5 or 6 quart slow cooker. (I only used 1 rack in my 4 quart cooker and froze the other rack). Combine the remaining ingredients; pour over ribs.

Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until meat is tender. Serve with sauce. (I only had to cook mine for 5...they were already falling off the bone!)

These ribs were so good!! They fell right off the bone. B LOVED them! I threw together some frozen mixed veggies and we had a nice meal!
I've decided that crock pot meals are the WAY TO GO, especially since I will be working dinner shifts 3 nights a week. B can most certainly help himself to a great dinner without having much kitchen knowledge or having to order take-out!

<3
YaY!
I think I'm starting to REALLY like this cooking thing!!!

Next task:
From the same issue of Taste of Home: Gooey Chocolate Cookies!
Tonight?
Perhaps!

Slow Cooker BBQ Ribs

2009-08-03T06:11:00.001-07:00

My husband LOVES BBQ and he LOVES ribs, so this morning, I'm attempting to put the two together using a recipe from Taste of Home magazine! They go in the crock pot, which I'm super pumped about!

If they turn out alright, I'll put the recipe up here! If not, then I'll just keep the disaster to myself!
It's a crock pot, and not that easy to mess up *luckily* and this is my first crock pot dish ever!

I'm pumped!

<3

Fatigue

2009-08-01T10:59:00.001-07:00

I have been having a problem for the past week and a half. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I am overly tired in the morning and half of the afternoon. It takes me hours to get moving, and that's just not typical for me. I know I have been sleeping differently because I've been dreaming almost every night the whole night, so maybe this has something to do with it.
I also think that once we get in to some type of routine, it will be much easier on my body. It just SUCKS right now.
I looked up all the possible causes of fatigue, and the only ones that even kind of apply are the stress, unbalanced diet, and lack of routine.

Hopefully, this will be worked out once we get things more settled around here!

I don't like waking up feeling like I took Nyquil every single night!

:(
Sad day.

Aria

2009-07-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Aria is my 1 year old Calico cat:

(I don't have a better picture of her on this computer.)

This is how she acts:

I love her!!!

Nightmares

2009-07-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

I had 2 very intense nightmares last night. They were very specific with very specific people involved. As opposed to the type of dreams including people you know, but you can't see their faces, you just KNOW it's them.

My first nightmare went a little something like this:

I was with a girl I know from home named Rachel, and we were somewhere in our hometown at a rival basketball game. During this basketball game we ended up doing some type of trick snowboarding? or something like that. Afterward, a new basketball game was about to start, so we decided to sell things we'd made. We took my other friend Sommer, and what seemed to be Melissa with us to sell stuff. I remember having to park miles away from this game and take a shuttle to our car because there was no parking, so instead of driving to our retail set up, we walked (about 5 miles). I had my video camera out filming ridiculous parts of the evening, including the location we'd chosen to set up shop. It was down a holler in the middle of nowhere. There was a field next to us on our right and a small house a bit farther down the field on our left. The people from the house came out and chatted with us for awhile. They were extremely kind and all was well.
Nightfall hit and these people started shooting at us!!!! So the 4 of us had to run the entire 5 miles back to our cars, but we didn't make it to them...Instead we ended up somewhere near an ocean. When we woke up the next morning NONE of us could remember what had happened. We didn't know where we were or what we had been doing prior to the running. We couldn't even remember where the actual location of the shooting site was. Another friend of mine from high school, Chris Brewster, ended up in the same place and he kept asking us if we'd see the hotel in the middle of the water...Eventually, we remembered that yes, we'd passed a hotel on an island that looked like it was the only thing there, but we weren't sure why it was significant.
When I finally got to my mom's, I was trying to explain what had happened, but I had no recollection of anything. I then remembered the video camera! We watched everything, and took off driving to find the house of the people that shot at us. They were coal truck drivers and somehow I managed to push over one of the trucks. The guy was fine, but they knew that someone had tampered with their truck. Mom and I were still sitting on the side of the road and she tried to play it off as if we'd just stumbled upon the accident, but the guy knew better. He said he would give us a call and that we could go on our way, but his eyes definitely let us know he was going to follow us to kill us...
then I WOKE UP!

It was awful!

THEN, I went back to sleep and had a dream that my old friend Levi died! I remember a car explosion being in that one, and some crazy girl who had brain washed him. He was looking around from his coffin, but he was dead...it was creepy. I talked to his mom after the funeral and she said that she had some things for me and to make sure that some specific girl (the brain washer) didn't get her hands on any of it...She said he'd written up a will because he knew he was going to die...
Then I grieved and woke up.

Ugh.
I've been having nightmares/dreams constantly for the past week.
I'd like to sleep please.

Paris Hilton has a reality show...

2009-07-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

What in the world happened to television?
With the exception of a small handful of shows, the rest is just white noise! Every station has fallen prey to this, but the WORST has to be MTV!

They were at the head of the reality curve when The Real World started in 1992. Since then, they have filmed something like 21 seasons, but that's neither here nor there. Right now, there is a show by Paris Hilton called "My New BFF"! (WHAT?!) It's essentially like The Bachelor, only she doesn't date them, just tries to find her new BFF. (At least that's what it looks like...I just stumbled on this show today and I don't plan on watching much more.)
What happened to shows like Daria and My So-Called Life!?
Better yet, what the heck happened to MTV!?
It was bad enough when they started having more TV shows than videos...then they started to cut TRL so only part of the video was shown, but now this!?
And of ALL people...Paris Hilton!? How does someone get THAT famous with that little talent?
I'll never get it.

I'm very confused right now and I think I died a little inside today...

Over-emotional performer

2009-07-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have an uncanny ability to mask my emotions and not let people in too deep. I'm not sure from where it stems, nor does it really matter at this moment, but I am just beginning to realize how acutely it affects my performing ability.
I've known how guarded I am for years. That in and of itself is nothing new. I have always known other people much better than they know me.

When I was a Freshman in college and at the top of the curve vocally, it didn't really matter that I didn't perform well. "You're a freshman, that's just how it is." It was overlooked and not usually talked about. When being critiqued, MOST of the time it was on technical things. The farther I went along in college, the better I got, but I was still very disconnected from my character and what I was singing about. Instead of conveying a real character with distinct emotions, I protrayed a mood. (A step up from the beginning years of standing there looking like I was reading words somewhere out in the audience).
I have a minor in Theatre. My acting teachers liked me, and apparently saw SOME sort of potential in my abilities as an actress, so they invited me to join the senior acting studio in their Shakespeare class. I had a blast, learned a lot, and thought I walked away with valuable information I would be able to put into my performances.
Then came my senior recital. I was so pumped to put all this new acting knowledge into my interpretation of these wonderful pieces. I did background work, developed inner monologues, and numerous things in preparation for my final "prove yourself as a performance major" performance. The day came and what happened? I stood by the piano, conveyed a mood, and sang.
...
Yep.

All that information was really to prep this:
I have been working with 2 friends recently on a different aspect of singing. We are working on more musical theatre than I've ever done. (If you're reading this, Dr. Sherman, don't worry, I'm very conscious of my vocal health.) We're working on a lot of Jason Robert Brown pieces and he writes very matter-of-fact lyrics. There's not much need for lyrical interpretation because he says exactly what he means. This has been a WONDERFUL thing to jump into because it leaves the "what is really going on here" guess work out of it. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE interpreting pieces, but it's a nice change of pace.)
HOWEVER, due to the blatant nature of the pieces, there's no way to hide behind whatever wall I have built that has always protected me from being vulnerable on stage. This is quite possibly the most terrifying thing on the planet for me. It shouldn't be. There are 2 other people in the room and both of them love me and want me to succeed. It's not like I'm standing in front of the critiquing eyes of the voice majors in my undergrad. The environment we have this summer is very nurturing. This school is a great place to heal those many things that keep my wall steadily in place, but for some reason, I'm still unable to let go.
I have NO trouble playing the character roles. I will make a fool out of myself on stage any day of the week for the sake of the show, heck, I do that every day anyway, but typical character roles are one dimensional...The things we've been working on have multiple layers, and I'm having a hard time allowing myself to dig deep enough in front of others to show them.
It's affecting me though. Will isn't letting Ruthanne or me get away with keeping our guard up, and that's a good thing. I didn't realize that once you open this can of worms, it's hard to close it up at will, so I've been an emotional basket case for a couple weeks. (I just realized that's where the crazy has its roots, by the way). I'm finally stating to let some of those emotions come to the surface. I'm glad it's happening, but it's also a tough pill to swallow and in our lesson today, I had trouble managing those emotions. I'm not sure if all performers get like this, or if it's just me, but I can see how it's possible.

I'm not really sure if this post had any type of flow or not, but I don't really care. I'm just glad it's all out!

My husband's blog

2009-07-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

My husband has a fantastic theological blog:
http://www.katagraphis.com

If you haven't already, you should check it out.
He's definitely the most intelligent person I've ever met, but he has a way of writing about theology that doesn't make me feel stupid for not having the knowledge in the first place.

I think you would all benefit from a look at his blog!

My sleep schedule

2009-07-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

My sleep schedule is completely normal for someone who works 2nd shift, but it's not so normal to function well in the rest of the world.

You see, I typically go in to work at 3 or 4pm. This puts me home anywhere from 9-midnight depending on the day. If I could go directly to sleep upon my return from work, I wouldn't really have a problem, but I can't. It takes me quite a while to wind down from the busyness of the day. Perhaps if I wasn't on my feet, running around the entire shift, I might have a bit easier of a time, but this is not the case.

Because I have to wind down first, I'm not in bed until 1am, some nights (like last weekend) it wasn't until 3. *I actually laid down and had to get up an hour later because I was still wide awake, which is why I laid down again at 3*.

That would be fine with me. I'm ok going to bed that late because I still try to get my 8 hours of sleep and USUALLY, I do!

The problem starts on those days when I have to get up early to get things done, or go to piano class, or be at church at 9am. On those days, I look like death warmed over and have the disposition of the Hulk. I try not to, but I need those sweet 7-8 hours of sleep a night...

So instead of sleeping (the husband has been out cold for about 30 minutes now), I'm in the living room writing this blog, wishing I had something more significant to say, but I don't.

So there you go...a blog about my sleeping habits...instead of something "honest" or "interesting" like I mentioned in my previous post...
Old habits die hard, I suppose.

Writing this DID make me sleepy though!
VICTORY!

New Goals

2009-07-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

Hello faithful blog world (meaning both of you).

I have decided that it's time this blog gets a face lift, both aesthetically and in regards to subject matter. The only reason I have a blog (or have ever had one) is to make sure people in my life can keep up with what's going on in my little corner of the world. I still aim to keep it that way, but there needs to be a bit more depth sometimes. I'm sure it's not easy for my friends to read "we got our cat a new litter box today" and such other dull boring details every time they visit my page! I am entering a phase of my life where I'm trying to become more honest with myself. I'm not really sure how that will go, or what that will look like here, but we'll see. I've never been one for baring my soul - especially on the internet, so I make no guarantees for this blog, but I'm tired of looking through past posts and only having minute details documented.

I would just like to keep my friends and family informed (honestly) about what's going on in life!

Hopefully, that will begin with a more faithful approach to writing...

We'll see!
<3

It's been 2 weeks!

2009-07-12T13:36:00.000-07:00

Bryan and I got married 2 weeks ago and I figured it was time to post a few pictures for those of you who haven't stalked my facebook for them! :D I don't have the professional ones yet, so these are all swiped from my wonderful friends!

We got married here:

My momma made my dress!

Bryan's momma made the AMAZING cake!

Those are a few to hold you over until I get some really good shots up!
<3

The Nature of the Creative Being

2009-05-27T11:54:00.001-07:00

I was reading through a book called "The Musician's Soul" and the author James Jordan had a list created by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi from his book "Creativity" detailing the characteristics that he has found in creative individuals. I'm not "sold" on his ideas by any means, I just think it's an interesting list of characteristics.

1. Creative individuals have a great deal of physical energy, but they are often quiet and at rest
2. Creative individuals tend to be smart, yet also naive at the same time.
3. A third paradoxical trait refers to the related combination of playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.
4. Creative individuals alternate between imagination and fantasy at one end, and a rooted sense of reality at the other.
5. Creative people seem to harbor opposite tendencies on the continuum between extroversion and introversion
6. Creative individuals area also remarkably humble and proud at the same time.
7. In all cultures, men are brought up to be the "masculine" and to disregard and repress those aspects of their temperament that the culture regards as "feminine," whereas women are expected to do the opposite.
8. Generally, creative people are thought to be rebellious and independent.
9. Most creative persons are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.
10. Finally, the openness and sensitivity of creative individuals often exposes them to suffering and pain yet also a great deal of enjoyment.

What do you think?

All my girlfriends are leaving - and I'm not OK with it

2009-05-24T08:35:00.001-07:00

So far since I've moved to Louisville, my 3 best girl friends have all moved away. Helena was my first Seminary friend - she moved back to Charlotte, NC after the first semester, and now we VERY rarely speak.
Allison and I were such good friends, we were accountability partners - she just left Friday. She'll be in Chicago for the summer, then in Louisville long enough to move her belongings back to NC where her family lives.
Jennifer became my closest music school friend very quickly over the course of the last 2 semesters. I just helped her load a U-Hall yesterday to move back to Georgia.

I'm not OK with this.

It's hard enough to make friends at Seminary. The ratio of boys to girls is like 4000 to 1, and as an engaged woman, I'm not going to make friends with those 4000 boys. I have a few male friends, but only because in music school, you're kind of in each others faces every day for every class and rehearsal that exists, so I don't really have a choice there. I mean, I love my male friends, but I won't hang out with them outside of class. Unless another girl is around, I won't even eat lunch with them.

I've been feeling very lonely lately because of my lack of companionship period. Bryan and I are on completely opposite work schedules, so I only see him on his days off. He goes to work early, and by the time he's off, I'm just heading in to work at Bobs where I stay until the doors are locked. The same is true of work schedules when it comes to time with my roommate, Hannah. She's out the door at 630am every morning and in bed before I get back. We've actually gone an entire week without seeing one each other...and we live in the same apartment!

I feel...sad. That's the only way I can explain it. It's hard to say goodbye to your best friends especially when you have all the free time in the world to sit and think about how they are here anymore.

My kitty keeps me company and I am VERY thankful for her because she gives me something to come home to.

I am very thankful that Katie is coming over for a sleepover tonight!!! That will be a ton of fun. We always have a great time! And I am also super pumped that I've been able to see Teresa a couple times in the past few weeks!

I don't know why I'm complaining. I love the girl friends I have, I just wish I could get out of this stupid apartment and see them more often!

AND
I need to play some SOFTBALL or do SOMETHING ACTIVE!!! This is driving me nuts!

On a WONDERFUL note!
I'm getting married in 35 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wedding update!!

2009-05-14T11:51:00.000-07:00

Hello 4 friends!

Wedding plans are moving at a much quicker pace than they were during the semester! YAY!
My biggest fear so far:
Invitations and all the possible ways there could be mix ups...like not sending one to someone I thought I sent one to, etc. You know, you've been there!
We have also run out of our RSVP online cards, so a few people will get the RSVP by mail who were initially going to get the online ones, but that's not a big deal at all. If it's the only thing that happens, I will rejoice greatly! I have also re-calculated the guest list and we are down to 295 invites! YAY! That's under 300 which I'm pumped about! We did all the initial costs for 150, and I know they say 20% won't show, but we figure since it's a bit of a "destination" for 90% of the guestlist, the number of regrets will be greater than normal. *crosses fingers* I hope. (is that bad?)

Stamps = expensive!! $88 for 200! That's crazy!

Another fear:
Friends asking to bring dates. How do we tell them, "no"? If they are coming and won't know anyone else in attendance, we are allowing a date, also if they have a long term significant other, they can come *obviously*, but if they are going to be there with 23424987 people they know...let's just say the invitation is addressed to 1. It's extremely expensive to feed strangers I've never met and won't see again. I hope this isn't rude. How can I tell friends politely that we would rather them come stag without upsetting them?

Bryan has been working on what we like to call the "liturgy" for the wedding! He's been picking out the Scriptures and working on the order, etc. This is a VERY big help! I'm super pumped. Since he actually knows what he's doing, it was awesome when he said, "so I've been working on our ceremony!" YAY for fiance!

Speaking of fiance, it's been AWESOME to hang out with him on a regular basis!! YAY!

I think that's about all I have to talk about as far as the wedding is concerned! So there's my little update!
They will all probably be wedding related from here until after the honeymoon, just an FYI!

<3

To do list

2009-05-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world, or should I say, all 5 of you who read this!

I have figured out that if I don't write down some summer goals for myself, I'll end up sleeping till 1, going to work at 3, getting home at 11 or so, and doing it all over again. There are a few things I would really like to accomplish this summer!

1. GET MARRIED!!!! woohoo!!!!
2. after finals week, I am starting project Get in Shape for the Wedding. I will be grocery shopping for some healthy foods and starting a daily workout routine! (MutheringHeight, can you email me some of your favorite recipes? (some that don't require a ton of prep work) You eat really great foods! I MIGHT need an explanation of what some of the items are...haha
3. read my theology books for the Survey of Systematic Theology course in the fall. I want to get a head start on the reading for that class so I can learn from it instead of just read to get it finished!
4. practice the things for the Piano Proficiency. I have to have 3 repertoire pieces and 6 accompaniments (which I already have). I also have a ton of hymns to whip into shape and some hymns by ear. I think with a summer of practice under my belt, I can get out of taking the piano level 4 class in the fall!
5. learn Spanish or Italian - ok I know this is a LONG shot (I know that because I have looked into the price of the software and it's 239482394832749823 dollars), but I'd really like to pick those back up again. I had 3 years of Spanish in high school and 2 semester of Italian in college, and I would like to pick up the basics again.
6. learn how to belt from Will
7. take lessons and pick out rep for my recital from Dr. Sherman.

I think those are great goals! The only problem I can see is that I have to be at work at 3, and I usually don't get home until around 11 or later. That means, I can't fall asleep until late, etc. It's a vicious cycle. I just don't want to waste my entire summer sleeping late and working.

There ya go!

Oh and just so ya know, SBTS dropped my program!
bye

Marketing GENIUS!!!

2009-03-28T07:39:00.000-07:00

Last night I received a youtube video link from one of my best friends in the world!
It was of a girl named Miranda trying to get voice students:

I laughed hysterically and could NOT believe she was actually serious, but found nothing proving otherwise as it was VERY late and I was tired!

This morning I woke up to a message from another friend confirming that she IS, in fact, a professional named Colleen Ballinger and she's fantastic:

What a genius! Check out "Miranda's" actual page! It's hilarious!

A small update

2009-03-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I don't write in this thing much. I only know a few people who actually read it, and 95% of the time, they already know what's going on in my life.

Things have been crazy here lately. I made it through my mid-semester meltdown with minimal damage, but I still feel like I'll never catch up. This semester has taken SO long to get going, and my schedule constantly changes *even still*, so I have NO routine. (And for those of you who know me...you KNOW I need routine).

Oh well!
Rehearsals for the Mozart opera are going REALLY well. We're having a blast and learning a lot from Dr. Sherman. She's an AMAZING teacher! (I found my adult voice, p.s.! No more sounding like a high school soprano in my middle range!!!)
I am one of the founding members of an a capella group this semester at school. We aren't really sure what will come of it, but there's really nothing better than singing sacred works in a jazz style! It's great!

I'm trying to think of things that actually matter...but there aren't really many, so here's a nicely organized bullet list:
* I am moving from the Bob's I'm at now, to a new one!
* I got my wisdom teeth out and everyone said it would be horrible
* I was not (so far I've had no problems at all)
* I start pre-marital counseling with the B tonight!!!
* I'm really pumped about it! It should be a lot of fun!
* I can't think of anything else
* I really hope best friend Lou comes to school here.
* All of my best girl friends from here are leaving or have already left...
it's hard enough on a seminary campus to find friends who are girls to actually hang out with, but they are all leaving. :( Helena left already, Jenn is leaving after this semester, Alison is leaving in August. :( Sad DAY!

10 things I'm thankful for

2009-02-05T19:01:00.000-08:00

Bryan wrote a blog on this very topic. I think it's important to sit down right now and remind myself of a few of the positive things in my life! :D

...I am washed in the blood of the Lamb - something the exact opposite of what I actually deserve
...A fiance who loves me more than I ever thought anyone could
...A fiance who leads and teaches me that joyful submission is the best feeling in the world! (For those of you who know/knew me...you KNOW that's a big deal!)
...Parents who have provided every single thing in my life
...Parents who show and tell me how much they love me.
...The best family in the entire world. I'm pretty sure my family should go down in the Guinness book of world records as being the coolest family on the planet! NAY! The universe. The Bartlows know where it's at.
...The amazing group of support I have in my friends and my community group.
...A Gospel-centered church who is transparent about their flaws
...The opportunity to be a student at a school where I am constantly built up and encouraged.
...My kitten, Aria, who has helped me through all the transitions life has thrown at me over the past 6 months! (wow, I've been here 6 months!)

:D
That was awesome! I wanna write more, but I REALLY need to sleep.

Leo Bernard Schwierjohann

2009-01-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

My granddad passed away around 1am this morning. He'd been suffering from and illness for quite sometime and finally went home to God this morning.

While I am still extremely sad about his passing, I have an extreme sense of peace and closure. He decided on Sunday to stop treatment, so I was able to call and talk to him to tell him, "goodbye." My brother and I also knew over Christmas that he wasn't going to be around much longer, so we got him a card and each wrote notes telling him how much we loved him. He knew we did.

I was able to thank him for the many things he's done for me. He bought me my first keyboard when I was in elementary school and encouraged me to keep taking piano lessons. When I would visit, he would have me play his little keyboard (the same exact kind as mine) to show him what I had learned. When mine broke, he gave me his. I only took lessons for a few years early in school, but I had that keyboard until Freshman year of college. When I graduated from college, he and my parents when in together and bought me a very nice Kawai Digital Piano for my graduation present. I play that thing almost everyday.

When he couldn't drive his car anymore, he gave it to me! It's a wonderful 1998 Oldsmobile which I named Bernard after him. That thing is a tank!

He was able to make it to my senior recital in the spring of 2007, so he got the chance to see me sing and he bragged to all the nurses about it.

He was a great man! He told the same stories every time we came to visit, but I never got tired of hearing them. Stories about how the Cincinnati Reds approached him to play baseball for them after WWII, but once he said he was 30 and had a wife they changed their minds...how he was throwing the split knuckle pitch long before anyone else...tons of stories from the war when he was a foot soldier running around in Germany. My favorite memory (and my brother will agree) is from a Christmas when we were VERY small. In his old house, he had a fireplace and mantle. On Christmas Eve, Shaun and I decided we were going to sleep by the fireplace so we could see Santa when he came down the chimney. Granddad then replied by picking up his BB gun and saying, "I'm going to shoot Santa when he comes down the chimney." We cried and cried and cried *obviously too little to understand the joke*. HAHA we STILL laugh about that and I'm SURE my brother will tell his kids the exact same thing.

I've lost a NUMBER of people in my life...that number nearing 20, but Granddad is the closest. My Grandma *his wife* died when I was in the 2nd grade, so I don't really remember much of that, and my step-grandma, Matty, died on my 21st birthday, but they had only been married about 8 years, so I didn't really know her very well either.

This is a sad time in our lives, but I know he's in Heaven playing baseball and flirting with all the women angels. I know I'll see him again!

Staying down on the farm

2009-01-14T21:02:00.001-08:00

Many of you know that I have been talking about leaving my current Bob Evans job for quite some time now. I have tried multiple times and nothing has ever worked out. Before Thanksgiving break, I put in applications everywhere and the only response I got ended up not working out because I could only work 1 of the 2 required lunch shifts.
The past little bit, I've been working on going to a different restaurant. I thought I was a shoe in because a friend of mine has worked there for a few years and pretty much did everything for me. All the way from talking me up, to turning my application in to the right manager and checking on the status of it. The manager's response? "She doesn't have enough availability." I put every free moment of my life on that schedule (which, admittedly is not a ton, but it's still 4 days!) Apparently, even the one thing that was "totally going to get me out of Bob Evans" also failed.

(a little back story)
I've worked at Bob's since I was 17. I've made really good money at both other stores I worked at and I loved the people I worked with. At this one...I don't make much at all, and a large majority of my co-workers for some reason do not like me - something I'm completely unfamiliar with feeling...

While I've been on this 'other restaurant is a sure thing' kick, I've started to notice a change at my current job...my co-workers have been opening up to me like CRAZY. There have been many comments about how I'm "the coolest church person they've ever met" and things along those lines. How BLIND have I been!? How many doors does God have to slam in my face before I realize that I'm exactly where I need to be in terms of employment!? The reason I had to stick it out is because for some reason...most of these people have been really burned by the church. (This isn't a fact, it's an assumption). The mere mention of the fact that I was at Seminary of all places automatically raised red flags that have taken since AUGUST to be lowered. God is moving in really great ways where I work, and as much as I'd rather have a better paying job (join the club right?) I know I'm exactly where I need to be.

I wonder how many more awesome things He will do now that I'm not bitter about my employment!? Holy cow the possibilities are ENDLESS and I can't wait!!!

35 Random facts about yours truly

2008-12-23T09:54:00.000-08:00

I have been inspired by Carissa to list things about myself. I also have a few hours to kill before leaving for the holidays and there's not much else to do here!

1. I have the best fiance in the WORLD. He is the coolest kid I've ever met.
2. I REALLY want another tattoo - on my wrist, but that REALLY can't happen anytime soon because a) I'm broke. b)the wrist is NOT the best place for a pastor's wife to have a tattoo... c)I'm pretty sure my mom would hate it
3. I want the conch of my right ear pierced and I ALMOST did it this summer in Gatlinburg, but the first place we looked at said they would only do it with a hoop...and the second place said it would be an hour wait and $20 more than the first place, so I said NO WAY. Then when I moved to Louisville, I realized how broke I was and haven't had the extra cash around yet to do it.
4. I'm trying to figure out if I've outgrown the piercing phase of my life
5. I love cookie dough. I don't care how bad it is for you.
6. I am going to have cholesterol problems when I get older because of my daily cheese intake.
7. I am much smarter than I let myself think. Even after amazing grades in Seminary, I still just think I'm "good at school"
8. Bryan wants to kill me for those thoughts
9. I am SUPER organized
10. I LOVE wedding planning
11. Registering for gifts is not my favorite thing because I hate asking people to spend that much money on stuff. Granted I know we "need" it or whatever, but it's just a lot.
12. I have the most fun family on the planet. It makes me sad to hear that others don't have such a good relationship with their families because I've been blessed with a fantastic one.
13. My little brother is the most fun little brother I could ever ask for.
14. I wish he called me more often though
15. I love that I get my knack for nicknames from my daddy.
16. My mom is super woman.
17. I mean it.
18. I really like living in Louisville, I just wish I had more good friends here.
19. Not that I'm complaining about my friends here, but I really don't have many I can call and go to Denny's with.
20. And one of the girls on that list *the top of it actually* just moved away...
21. My granddad is really sick and in the hospital.
22. I don't want him to die, but I know he's been ready for awhile and it's really hard to watch him suffer and not really know what's going on.
23. I love JESUS!!!!!!!
24. I am constantly amazed at how faithful God is even when I have been unfaithful to Him.
25. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Mainly because I get to spend time with my family. The Bartlows know how to have a good time!
26. My least favorite "holiday" used to be New Years Eve because I have only really had 1 fun New Years eve, but NOW I LOVE IT because the 1st is Bryan's birthday! So we'll be able to have birthday parties for him instead of New Years parties and birthday parties are MUCH more fun!
27. I'll be 24 on March 18!
28. I didn't realize how much I loved softball until playing slow-pitch in Morgantown for 2 summers and then this summer in Man.
29. Short stop is my new favorite position.
30. I'm really good at it!
31. I have not bought a SINGLE Christmas present...which sucks cause the fiance wants books for his birthday too...and those books come from Amazon.
32. Shaun *lil brudder* and I will go Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve as we have since I got my license and was allowed to drive in Cincinnati by myself.
33. That is one brother/sister tradition that will probably always stay in place.
34. This year, he has to buy all of our parents presents because I have exactly $130 for Christmas...
35. Yeah, I'm finding a new job after the new year. For REAL this time ya'll!

Ok! 35 is enough!
Carissa - I have NO idea how you did 101!

I 'spose it's time to pack and get clean for the start of CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

Seminary grades

2008-12-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

My first semester of Seminary has been over since December 5th. I had a crazy week of finals and I honestly thought I was not going to do so hot in a few of my classes. Well...my grades have spoken otherwise!!!!

French Vocal Literature: A- (I was the youngest by 9 years in this class)
Voice Jury: A (They grade harder on these than WVU even THOUGHT about grading, so it actually IS a big deal that I got an A)
Intro to Music Ministry: unknown at this point, but I'm assuming I got an A since I got an A- on the paper, turned in all of my assignments, and the test was open note...
Here's the kicker...
Biblical Theology of Worship: A-!!!!!!!! HOLY COW! This was the crazy class I thought I was going to fail. I looked at my test today and I got every single question right on the final! I ended up with a 92 on it *a B+* because I didn't elaborate enough on the two essays, but everything else was right!!! EVEN THE TRICK QUESTIONS!!! It was crazy!!!
I'm still waiting on Piano. I got an A- on the Jury, so I pass to level III, but I KNOW this one won't be an A. I definitely did not have the practice hours to get an A.

BUT
HOLY COW! I got almost straight As in my first semester of Seminary!
It's STILL a crazy notion!

:D

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!

I said, "YES!"

2008-12-09T21:00:00.000-08:00

Hello cyber land!
To those of you who actually read this and don't know, I'm ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!
He really surprised me which was great AND he picked out a fantastic ring!
*the stories and picture to follow at some point*

We've decided on the end of June which gives us about 7 months to plan it. It can totally be done AND has been done in WAY less time. HOWEVER, I LOVE to plan! Like, give me a vision, and I'll get you there. That's the kind of girl I am. It's been 3 days...and I've already contacted my bridesmaids, told them about their dresses/shoes, signed up for a knot page, entered some information into our wedding website, AND started working on the guest list. I had all morning this morning with no cable and no good movies to watch...why not right!? I'm not really micro-managing anything, for example, I told my girls to buy whatever black dress they wanted. There were a few stipulations *i.e. tea length*, but nothing too much and Bryan's guys are picking out their own tuxes. Since the girls won't look the same, the guys shouldn't be stuck uncomfortable either. So I'm not being that crazy about stuff, but I just really LOVE the teeny details, and it's really hard for me not to be excited about everything. I'm not stressed out, but with the guest list, I'm trying to figure out how to keep it under control...that involves thinking and re-thinking about it - which I'm totally cool with.
I haven't really talked to many people about anything because I don't want to bug them about it, so when I talk to Bryan (my FIANCE! :D) I kind of shove him in front of a bus by bombarding him with all the details...plus the fact that I repeat everything multiple times to help myself process through it all...
Poor guy.
and yes, he does realize it WILL be like this for the rest of our lives.
haha
I already told him that I'm going to try really hard not to nag him. In doing this, I told him what my definition of "soon" was...which is much sooner than his definition...and I told him that I would try to give him specific times instead of just vague sayings like "when you get around to it." Because for ME, that means really soon because it's really important so I'll do it now, but for him it really means, when he gets around to it! SO if I say statements without clarification...I realize that I WILL nag him about it and that's the LAST thing I want to do.

I have also realized that I need to give people a cushion as far as time frame goes. Like not everyone has the time (or cares enough about it haha) to do something exactly when I ask them to do it *like respond to an email or look over music* this fact frustrates me. Partly because I think they should just do it (which is my own flaw, not theirs) and partly because I really love planning, so the more stuff I get done now, the more stuff I get to do later! haha

Oh well!
SO please pray for us all.
Not only for God to work in my and Bryan's relationship, that it would be a light to everyone around us, but also that God would help keep my ridiculous urge to plan and organize under control. I think it can be a great trait, but it can also be a bad one, and there's a delicate balance when doing a wedding. Please pray that I can find that balance without making everyone in my life miserable first!

:D
Thanks loved ones!

It is finished...

2008-11-05T14:15:00.000-08:00

My first paper for Seminary is finished!! (aside from formatting it, but that doesn't require in depth study).

I feel really good about the paper! Not because I think the content is that great...because I don't necessarily think that, and not because I even think I'll get an A on it...quite frankly I feel as if a high school senior wrote it more so than a college graduate, BUT I feel good about it because I learned so much!
The topic was Worship and Creation in the Psalms and while I didn't go as in depth as I could have (7-9 pages doesn't allow for a ton of depth), I really feel like I learned a lot and my ideas of worship of God as Creator are much different than before! (Meaning, I actually think about it!)

I'm so excited about the graciousness of God! I'm completely filled UP right now!
SO even if this paper doesn't get an A, or even a B, or a C! I still learned an amazing amount of stuff about Him that I didn't realize before and THAT is the whole point...not a silly letter grade.
I'll pass the class even if my paper is sub-par, but it doesn't matter because God has revealed himself to me! Even if it was through the mediocrity of my 1st paper!!!

:D
YAY!

Praise the Lord!

Samantha

2008-10-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

What Samantha Means
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

I agree with some of it! Other parts not so much!
What do you think!?

Thanks Jessie!

Kitty pictures!!

2008-10-19T17:22:00.000-07:00

She likes to sit in bags...

And the sink!

I meant to post a picture of Aria a long time ago, but I never got the chance to, then I completely forgot!

Here she is!! She's about 7.5 months old now!!!

Louisville for real

2008-10-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

Weeks like this week really make me miss the gang in Morgantown. I got to spend an amazing week with them during the break! I got a lot of school work done, but still got to spend real quality time with some of my greatest friends. Then Sunday, the LOU came to visit me!! She was visiting campus and things, so I got to spend 2.5 days with her!! But when she left...it was back to the same thing it usually is here. Me...and that's it.

Bryan and I have such different schedules and heavy homework loads, that it's hard to spend any time together. I'm not used to living with a roommate I don't do anything with...When I lived with Danielle G. she and I had the same major, so we hung out all the time and it was wonderful! With Sommer, we had the same friends, so I always knew where we were going and what we would be doing on any given night. I actually opted out of hanging out quite a lot so I could talk to B on the phone and we STILL spent a TON of time together. There were always people to call at the last minute for dinner or a random movie. Actually, often times, I didn't have to call, they'd just be around my house. It got old sometimes, like too much of anything often can, but I loved being around them. I miss the inside jokes that keep come up in a new way every night. I miss feeling like I'm needed...I have that with Bryan. I feel like he needs me, and I need him, but like I said before, our schedules are crazy, so it's hard to spend a lot of time together...

I think I probably bring some of this on myself by opting to turn on an episode of Friends rather than call someone to do something. I'm kind of back in the same spot I was in the spring semester of my first senior year when I had my senior recital. I shut down from the outside world because I had so much stuff to get done. I realize that yes, I have a lot to do, but hiding away behind a book or piano isn't always healthy...

Pretty much I just really miss my friends right now.
I know I'm being all girly and whiny, but I don't care. I long for a real connection. I have a few girl friends here, for which I'm VERY thankful, but I guess even after 2 months, I still want that closeness I had in Morgantown. I realize that those things, the jokes and everything, take time and to be fair, I guess I'm not really giving it much time...

It seems like it's been much longer than 2 months...maybe because I can count the number of girl dates I've had on 3 fingers...or even any kind of friend time...when you're used to having that sort of thing all the time...it can be a hard thing to get used to. I think I can even count dates with B on one hand...we've been in the same room doing homework together a lot, so at least I get to see his handsome face and laugh at his ridiculous commentary!!! Even when I lived at home away from the Morgantown gang, I still was friends with the girls at work and on my softball team. Work here is different. I'm starting to feel like I fit in a little more, so that's good!

Blah!

Pretty much I'm just being whiny and need to get over it, but I think first, I'll pray.

thoughts

2008-10-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

I've been faced recently with the depth of my own sin. It's always a good thing to know how sinful we really are, but that's been an aspect of my Christian life I've been easy to overlook. At this point in my life the overlooking is not happening as easily, and that's something I'm very grateful for.
When you stop and take a look at your heart, a lot of things come up that you thought were gone and buried a long time ago...
It's been really refreshing to see my sin in this new light, and actually own up to it and repent! I'm one of those people who doesn't repent a lot because I don't realize my need for it very often. That's NOT a good place to be, and I'm really glad God has been showing me my true nature and my desperate need for Him.
This has begun a string of repenting to people I've wrong...some YEARS ago...and I'm really glad that I'm able to do that. It sucks having to humble yourself before someone else...but it's been a really good thing to have my heart softened to this aspect.
I still have a VERY LONG way to go, but I'm really glad that I'm finally on this track in my life!

on another note:
I'm visiting The Mo next week!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Hurricane Ike

2008-09-20T19:20:00.001-07:00

I mean that both sarcastically and sincerely.
(Yes, you can do that.)
On Sunday, Louisville was hit by the 80mph winds of Hurricane Ike who ripped up trees, knocked down power poles, and blew transformers leaving 90% of the city without power. Classes were canceled for the week due to the fact that roads were closed because of all the debris.
My apartment building of 4 apartments and a house across the alley were the only ones on the block with power, so our apartment was a revolving door of people sleeping, eating, taking showers, and plugging things in. Until early Wednesday morning when LG&E began to work on the lines outside our house. Since then, our apartment building and the house across the alley have also been without power. Nothing major was lost...a few things of frozen veggies, but we cleared the fridge out and took the contents to my roommate's parent's house. (They lost power Sunday, but got it back on Tuesday.)
Since Wednesday, I've spent a LOT of time in random dining establishments with free internet catching up on school work and reading. At the present moment, I'm at Denny's about a mile down from my house trying to finish up the last bit of reading I need to do and generally waiting until I'm tired enough to go home and sleep. My roommate (Hannah) said we should have power sometime in the morning. I'm not sure where she heard this, but I sure hope it's true!

It sucks not being able to do things (like practice for piano on your electric clavinova) or read in your own house, etc. but it really hasn't been horrible. I'm way ahead on my readings for class, which means that I will be able to concentrate on my 2 papers and creative worship project during fall break (which we still get - thank you private school!)

Other than the events of Ike, things have been going really well!
I'm working on presenting myself more seriously...I know that sounds odd, but it has been brought to my attention that I don't look like I take my school work as seriously as I actually do. I bust my butt in my classes and lessons, and my professors can tell, but according to my voice teacher, I don't come off like I take it seriously at all. I'm not really sure why it matters how I present myself...and to be honest, I'm not even 100% sure what my error has been, but *shrug*. I'm just going to observe my behaviors to see if there is something I actually need to fix, or just because I'm so laid back in my lessons she thinks I carry that out to all my other classes...Again...I'm still not 100% sure why it matters if I do in fact get everything finished...but oh well! I'm learning! :D

<3

I can't do this on my own

2008-09-04T04:12:00.000-07:00

...and frankly, I'm sick of trying.
I realized last night at 11:30 after only 1.5 hours of 6 I was required to practice for piano by today...that I have been trying to do school/life/etc. on my own without the help of God. I didn't even notice it either. It wasn't until I was sitting on my piano bench, staring at the notes on the page in front of me, thinking about all the 23947329487 other things I needed to do aside from practicing, and how if I stayed up all night I could get them done, that I broke down and asked God to forgive me for putting Him on hold for school. I'm here to learn more about Him!! How in the WORLD could I learn more about Him without walking with Him to have His truths be given to me!? I can hear the same 23423897 things about worship, but until God allows me to understand, I can't! That's been the case actually! My two non-music classes overlap so much in the material. One is Biblical Theology of Worship and the other is a Philosophy of Music Ministry (worship) class. AND to top it all off, at the membership class for Sojourn last night, IT was about worship and all the things I'd heard so far since I've been here. Instead of feeling unintelligent because I don't grasp every little thing that my professors say, I should be grateful that I've been allowed to understand anything at all! Instead of freaking out because I was gone all weekend, then was a bad steward of my practice time for the week in piano, voice, and reading...I need to remember that it's not ALL ABOUT SCHOOL...a concept I have a hard time clinging to. I don't get Cs...I get As and SOMETIMES Bs, so it's rough to allow myself to think of being anything less than perfect, so I've been throwing myself into my homework instead of into the Word of God.
I'm SURE if I took the extra time to spend in the Word and in prayer, all the other things would line up MUCH easier.

There's my update!
I must leave for 8AM piano where I will turn in my simple *failing* 2 hours of practice for the week. (I needed 4 to get a C). That simply means that I'll be busting my butt for the remainder of the semester to make up for this week...and the only way I can do that is by the grace of God!

Louisville

2008-08-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world!
I'm officially in Louisville! I'm very glad that I can say that with an exclamation mark at the end because these past few days have been laced with huge fits of anxiety that have left me sick and tired! HOWEVER, God is good and faithful and He has pulled me through!

I live in a very cute apartment *one I will have pictures of as soon as Hannah and I get it all decorated, etc*. My kitty is here!!!!! Though, she's still sick. Her sneezing has calmed down a bit, but she is still weezing a bit, AND her left eye just started watering excessively and producing a lot of goo...She has an appointment for her next round of shots next Saturday and hopefully they can do something for her. :(
She's still eating like she should be and still bouncing around a lot, so I know she's alright, but I want her to feel 100% better!

Music placement exams are FINALLY over and I'm registered for classes! I tested out of Piano I, Musicianship I, undergrad conducting, and Music History from 1750-present! I have to take 3 semesters of theory, 1 semester of music history, and orchestration (as far as undergrad classes go).

This semester I'm taking:
Biblical Theology of Worship
Personal Spiritual Disciplines
Intro to Music Ministry
Piano Level II
Vocal Literature: French Melodie
Voice Lessons
Recital Lab
and I'm in the Seminary Choir - the audition only choir!

It looks like a lot, but it's 13 hours, which is equal to about 18 undergrad...I took like 2239247293847 in undergrad. PLUS the recital lab is one of those "attend random recitals, etc."

Anyway! It's going really well!
I am excited to be here with Bryan and to goof off with him!!!! It's been a lot of fun! :D

Right now, I'm about to finish putting my room together!! WOOHOO!

O!
I have a job interview for Bob Evans *sigh* haha on Saturday! My attitude about that place is terrible! I've been working for them since I was 17 *I'm 23 now* and all I can think about is how much I don't want to work for them...never mind the fact that I have been able to work 1 or 2 days a week since I've been in college to pay my bills! Now I have the chance to do that again...no new training *with the exception of the new computer system* but I already know how everything works! I should be thankful!!!
I need to re-evaluate how I look at this job!

infinite xs and os

Hodge Podge post!

2008-08-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

This post will be quite A.D.D. because I have a lot to cover.

First things first:
Those pesky videos.
WELL I have them all on DVDS...but I have no DVD burner. So much for getting them out to people before I move *ON SUNDAY!*

Kitties!
On Saturday, Momma and I went to the Humane Society and got two kitties!!! One for me and one for Hannah, my roommate because they are way cheaper here than in Louisville. Aria is my kitty, she's a 3 month old calico and SUPER cuddly. Miley was Hannah's kitty...and yes I did say was. She was a teeny 2 month old white kitty. After the first day we had her she started sneezing a little bit, but we just figured because she just got her first round of shots the day we picked her up, that it was because of that...WELL I left on Monday morning for Tennessee and she was fine...Momma called me on Wednesday night and said that she died! :( She was bouncing around all day like normal, then she started to slow down some, then by the end of the day she was dead. :( We have NO idea what happened...we only had her for 4 days. :(
Aria is ok. She was sneezing some, so my brudder (who is home from Idaho!!!!) took her to the vet the day after Miley died, and they said she had an upper respitory infection, so she's on antibiotics now. She seems to be ok!

Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg!
I just got back yesterday from Tennessee with a great friend of mine, Amanda! We were down there for 3 nights. Neither one of us realized HOW BUSY that place is!! We stayed on the strip in Pigeon Forge and it was busy all the time. We had fun though! The first day consisted of window outlet shopping and a Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre called American Idle! It was a blast. I got to be one of the contestants (Annita Mann) where I sang parts of "Redneck Woman", "It's Rainin' Men", and "Fancy" and I won a little trophy and a free ride up the Ober Gatlinburg ski lift (which we never made it to.) We went white water rafting on Tuesday. It was a lot of fun, but the water levels are really low, so it wasn't a very hard trip at all. I think I'm ready for some bigger white water! Bethany and Jennifer drove down from Cleveland, and they got lost in Knoxville detour construction so they didn't even get to us until around 9 that night. We had a lot of fun just hanging around the hotel that night. Wednesday morning they left, and Manda and I went to Dollywood! It was fun, but kind of a pain in the butt becuase the park is laid out REALLY weird. We didn't stay the whole day because we were EXHAUSTED, but it was still a good time. Next time though, I think we'll go to the water park instead. That night we ran into downtown Gatlinburg...we had NO idea it was so super busy and packed with shopping, or we would have planned to be there longer. Oh well! We left yesterday afternoon after a little bit more outlet shopping. It was a really good trip.

Softball!
Last night, I made it home around 530, and left around 550 to head to Man to play a softball game...we only had 8 girls so we had to forfeit, but we still scrimaged anyway and lost, but oh well! I almost didn't go, but I'm glad I did because we don't have a game tonight, so last night was my last game with them. :( I've had a blast playing this year. Those girls are a lot of fun.

Friends!
Today and tomorrow are my last days here so in between packing fun, I'll be trying to spend time with my friends here. Mainly Bekah and Tabi, but there may be a few other stops here and there.

The end!

Keynote videos

2008-07-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hey gang!
I just want to say that I'm FINALLY getting all the keynote video footage *all 7 little tapes from my camera* organized completely and put on DVDs! woohoo!!! For those of you who have NO idea what Keynote is, it's the music ministry branch of Campus Crusade for Christ. I was fortunate enough to get to go on a summer project in 2006 with them and I had a blast and grew a TON because of it.
Your band rehearses for 4 weeks, then tours for 3. There were 5 groups, most did secular songs and did a gospel presentation in the middle of their concerts.
Swerve was a pop/rock group
Mangofish was a rock group
Young Isaac was an alternative rock group
Infinite Impact was a gospel group from a different project that merged with our project!
And Proof of Purchase *my band* was the worship group.
There ya go!

I have TONS of video footage of our dress rehearsals before we all left for tour, random goofy stuff along the way, and all kinds of things that I have been working on organizing for quite some time now. My problem is that I had to put the things onto VHS tapes from the little camera tapes, THEN record the VHS to DVD...WELL our DVD recorder is REALLY hard to figure out, but I FINALLY did it *while wasting 2 (so far) disks* and I have 1 DVD finished, and 1 is currently in the process! :D

YAY!

I am in the home stretch here and I can't wait to move!
:D

My "weekend"

2008-07-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

The work weekend is in quotes because it was really Monday and Tuesday, but those days are my weekend.

I went to the good old Mo to spend a few days with a GREAT friend of mine, Amanda. We had a ridiculously great time, and I WILL be posting pictures (and perhaps videos!?) to show you how silly we are. We watched movies (One Missed Call, Dan in Real Life, and The Dark Knight), ate TONS of junk food, and eventually took glamour shots! HAHA oh yes, I mean the kind you took at middle school slumber parties. It was hilarious. We even had a huge box fan to blow our hair! THEN, if the pictures weren't enough, we decided to make a movie using my digital camera...the concept of this cinematic genuis is that the mad hatter *or my gold glitter top hat from tap at age 4* was trying to clean up the image of pop stars...so Jocelyn *Amanda* was the first victim (THIS time around, mwahaha) and Bianca *me, an MTV VJ for the BBC* ...did I mention we were British in this film?...His idea of cleaning us up was turning us into opera singers...just like he did with Bianca's parents - Yoko and John...oh yes, he turned them into Renee Flemming and Placido Domingo *famous soprano and tenor* and he was going to turn us into the dueling sopranos...
There you have it. A work of ART was created! haha

Needless to say, we had a BLAST! So much, in fact, that I'm pretty sure I'm taking my real video camera to Gatlinburg when we go with Tabi, so we can make a movie should we decide to do so!

<3
k bye!

LOU IS COMING TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get to play softball tonight, and I THINK my old friend Clif is coming to watch the game too! woohoo!
I only have 3 days of work left!

Rant

2008-07-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

So...I'm pretty livid right now. Why can't the people I work with show up for work? Every single shift I work *4 days a week* at least one person calls off.
Tonight, I had a softball game at 7...I needed to be out the door by 6, 630 at the VERY latest to still make it the 30 minutes to the game. My manager said he would have no problem getting me out, we just had to wait for either person A or person B to show up first so that they could still have 6 servers on the floor...
WELL the carry out person didn't show up, so he had to take one of the servers and put her on carry out, which gave us 6 on the floor including me.
Since person A and B were going to be there at 5/530, he told me I'd be able to leave, so I called a girl on the team and my parents, to tell them that I'd be able to go...
WELL
who didn't show up?
NEITHER OF THEM!
Person A came to pick up her check dressed in street clothes, and then called off...
person B, who was on a leave of absence, was supposed to be back for her first day today ALSO didn't show up...
so guess who got stuck there?
me.
I mean, I wouldn't have been so angry if I wouldn't have already thought I was going to make it to the game. I told the girls the night before that unless something changed, I wasn't going to make it, so I would have been ok with not even thinking I could go in the first place. It wasn't my managers fault, nor anyone elses that I work with, so I tried my very best not to take out my mood on everyone else, though I had to stop for a second because my anger put me on the verge of tears on several occasions.
All I had to do was make one phone call earlier today letting them know I wasn't coming to work, but I've NEVER called off and I told my boss that I wouldn't do that to him because he was nice enough to let me have Fridays off. Everyone I talked to said, "you should have called in," but I really couldn't. I tried to get my shift covered, but every single person who said "yeah, I can do that," or, "let me see," fell through, but not until Thursday, when it was pretty much too late to do anything about it...so there I was, at work.

My first commitment is to work, so I'm going to show up when I'm supposed to. Softball, though I love it WAY more, doesn't take precedence over work.

But I am SO mad that others don't think the same way. I mean, I know why they don't but it still is NOT FUN AT ALL!!!!!!!!!

UGH!

Ok. I'm done!
Time to make use of the time I have instead of sitting around sulking about something that God worked out for my good (whether I see it or not).

Picture post!

2008-07-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine the FUN we will have!?

Zelah!

Zoe is NOT modest.

That's all for today!
SOFTBALL THIS WEEKEND! Momma and Daddy took me down to the ballfield on Monday and we worked on hitting. My mom was always AWESOME in that department and by the end of the 30 minutes we were down there, I was busting the crap out of the ball and it didn't even feel like work! YAYAY! Now, hopefully I can remember what I did for the game TOMORROW!!!!
I'm heading to spend some QT with Amanda on Monday and Tuesday. We're going to do goofy, relaxing, stupid things like...taking glamour shots hahaha I can't wait! She can REALLY use the break. From someone who has had MANY a voice major related mental breakdown...she needs some FUN!
We're getting new carpet Monday in lil' brudder's room, so I can't leave till the carpet guy finishes which will be "sometime after 8" so we all know how THAT goes.
NEXT Friday, LOU IS COMING TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!! We're softballing and then I THINK maybe hitting up some karaoke! I'm sure there's nothing better than karaoke in the Legion with 2 of the best people in the world *Lou and Bekah* in softball cleats! YaY! I'll let you know how it goes!

Countdown to Louisville:
24 DAYS!!!!!!!!

Random update

2008-07-14T14:48:00.001-07:00

See, I knew once I got all my thoughts sorted out, it wouldn't be hard to figure out what to do about auditions. I'm not going to do them. It would pretty much be a waste of time to go stand around in line all day when I really don't want to be an American Idol anyway! There are PLENTY of other reasons, but I'll spare the details.

I have been at home by myself since Friday since my parents are in Idaho visiting Lil' Brudder. *He's there working as a carpenter for the Idaho Shakespeare Festival this summer. He likes it a lot. My parents when out to see "Into the Woods", my mom's new favorite musical, thanks to me.* It's been interesting being by myself. My cats love me now that I'm the only one here to give them attention! haha However, Zelah *my kitty...she's all black half Persian, half Himalayan* has woken me up every night since my parents have been gone to give her luvinz. I'm not a big fan of sleep being interrupted by my squeaking cat, but at least she likes me now! haha Zoe *my momma's cat...she's a Heinz 57 variety* is crazy. This cat has to be where I am, especially if I'm in the kitchen. She'll rub her head on my toes until I pet her a sufficient amount. I love them though! :D I've been very lazy this weekend until today. Well...I have been working and playing ball, so I guess I haven't been THAT lazy, but still. Today, they are coming back *they actually just called saying they were in the car on the way back from the airport and will be here in about an hour!* I decided to surprise them by cleaning everything up. I've been doing that this summer, but they have been BIG cleaning projects, so I decided to just clean the kitchen, etc. It looks pretty nice. I can't do anything about the boxes of my junk sitting in the dining room though until I move away on the 10th. The people are coming to put carpet in my brother's room (aka mom's new sewing room) sometime next week, so we need to begin the process of yanking everything out of the room and things need to be picked up for that. We actually just finished putting the room altogether, so it kind of sucks that we have to drag it all back out. Oh well, such is life! The next step is to get my mom to clean out her closet so we only have to make one trip to the Salvation Army instead of 2394823942387. I just finished up her laundry and everything is hanging nicely in the closet. Too bad I can't be that dedicated to my own room. Eh, I'll get around to it before Lou comes next weekend!

I am playing softball for a women's slow pitch league. You have to be 21 to play and the girls average age 35. My team isn't bad. We're not amazing, but it's still fun. My team would be better if the other 3 teams in the league didn't have 3 or 4 girls that could knock the ball out of the park...you can't play defense against a grand slam, followed by a homerun with 2 on base. Needless to say, we've been KILLED our first 2 games last weekend because of such things. I'm playing 3rd base, and to be honest...I'm really comfortable there. I'd rather be at short stop or 2nd just because there's more to do at those spots, but 3rd is a really hot spot in this league. These ladies CRUSH the ball, so even if it's on the ground, it comes REALLY hard. I was kind of nervous at first, but then I realized that this year will be my 16th year playing, so I think I can handle myself. It's a blast! AND one of my greatest friends, Bekah, is playing too!!! We car pool to the games in Man *about 40 minutes away* and belt show tunes the entire way! *She's also my Musical Mondays partner.* Speaking of which...I need to figure out if we're doing that today...

I had a bunch more stuff written about how I'm going to Gatlinburg with 2 of my best friends, but then the internet stopped working and this part of my post was lost...so I'm done.

:D
BYE!

AI auditions make me a nut case...

2008-07-12T23:21:00.001-07:00

Yes, I do realize it's 20 after 2 in the morning, but a heart is never quiet when it's convenient and I just really need to process some stuff. I figure if I type it all out somewhere, I'll be able to go back and re-read it to help get some clarity. If I do it on this thing, I'll at least be able to get SOME feedback.

**WARNING: This post is highly over dramatic and very stream of consciousness.**

Ok, so American Idol season 8 auditions are in Louisville next week! When I found this out a few hours ago, I got all giddy and excited and my stomach dropped to my toes. (I know lame, right!?) My first instinct was to do it just for fun. After all, I auditioned for season 4 and had a complete blast. Granted, I didn't get past the first round of producers and neither did any of the people I was with, but it was still a lot of fun. So, Louise and I decided why not...let's do it.
Bryan, who is super supportive despite his hatred of the show, just advised me to think a little farther ahead than I want to. Because I'm convinced that I won't get ANYWHERE with it. But he asked me to think about what happens if I actually do make it through the producers to Simon, Randy, and Paula, and they say, "welcome to Hollywood." What next?

You're all probably thinking...you GO stupid, duh, but it's not that simple. 4 years ago when I auditioned, I was in a place where I would have had no reason not to go. I was also in a different, not so good at all, place spiritually. Now I'm not going to get on a rant about how you can't be a Christian in the music industry, or anything even remotely close to that, so don't worry. But I AM going to try to sort out what I'm supposed to do with life, and how easily swayed I can be at times. I really feel like I'm called to Southern for music ministry. I have NO idea what that will actually look like when I'm finished with the program, but I'm supposed to be there. (A thought that actually from time to time, I STILL doubt.) Some round(s) of the competition happen in November. I have no idea when in November, and also no idea if that means I would have to miss school...which will NOT happen by the way. If I DO get through it all...I'd have to take off the 2nd semester to do it...we ALL know how ridiculously long that season is. Am I ready to possibly do that?

Also,how do you go about ministering in that type of environment? I know people do it every day, but how do they do it? I think to myself, "I can be a good role model...a good influence...etc" but look at all those "good role models"...Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, etc. When those girls came out, they were looked up to by younger girls (even though Britney's first video was scandalous, but at any rate, Jessica Simpson!) Her early interviews and videos and all that stuff were wholesome! Look at her *them* now. The Hollywood lifestyle does things to people. It's a dark and depraved place. I mean, it sucks me in from way over here sometimes...here in Southern, WV I get wrapped up in things that go on over there and I have NOTHING to do with it! It's that selfish, human desire to be famous. I have that. I can't lie about it. It's there. I'd love to have people idolizing me and my voice as if it's something I actually did myself...but it's not. None of it is me. It's God. The ONLY reason I have the ability to sing is because God designed me that way. I have to figure out if doing AI would be glorifying to Him. Even if I don't have to think about ANY of this stuff and it turns out to be simply a great trip with my best friend...is THAT glorifying to Him? I already know what the AI audition experience is like. Do I really need to find out again?
Of course part of me *most likely the human part* is excited and is pushing to go through with it, but the other part of me is really unsettled.
Like I said earlier, I go back and forth a lot about what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Do I really need to put myself in a situation that I KNOW is going to result in yet another long series of doubts?

And taking it from another perspective that has nothing to do with my emotional issues...here are some practical questions I need to ask myself:

Do I want that kind of life?
Do I want that kind of reality TV, possibly have millions watching my dream potentially get crushed?
Is that even my dream anymore?
Is it what GOD has in store for me?
I don't want to be the next American Idol...I really don't. What I would love from it is the chance to do other stuff...Broadway, etc...but are there even roles out there that I would be comfortable doing without compromising my morals?
These are the kinds of questions popping into my head. And I'm sure it's probably good that they are, but I have no idea what the answers are.
Of course I'd love to be famous in that 'I'm a 23 year old, day dreaming, American who only sees the over-glamourized side of fame' kind of way...but I don't know that I'd want the type of attention that caused cameras to be in my face all the time. I mean, I didn't even like getting the attention after Mountaineer Idol was over! The day after I was ok with it, but after that I was like, "ok it's time for it to stop now thank you."
And I realize that this is a lot to think about when it comes to even AUDITIONING *aka, going up against THOUSANDS of others with 30 seconds to try to impress a producer enough to send you through to another round where you do the same thing...and different people like different sounds, so out of the 10+ people you could possibly end up in front of, you have to hope that your sound is what they like.* So really...I mean my chances are VERY slim to none, but I feel like I should think about these things before I put myself in a situation where I can't say, "no."
Does that make sense? Or do I just sound like a neurotic girl babbling about some unrealistic pipedream? (ok I KNOW I sound like the latter, but does the thought process even make sense?)

Maybe by tomorrow I'll read this and realize how ridiculous I actually sound. I also think I'm the only person in the WORLD worrying about this...
It's late and I have church in about 7.5 hours.
Goodnight.

Really Eugene H. Peterson? Really!?

2008-07-07T08:03:00.000-07:00

Most of you know me, and you know that I don't normally get into the "this translation of the Bible is better than that translation" kind of stuff, but yesterday's scripture lesson read from The Message FLOORED me! Now The Message is not exactly my first choice, but whatever. Here's what got me...the sermon was from Matthew 11:16-19, 25-30. Here's what it says in the ESV:

16"But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their playmates,
17"'We played the flute for you, and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.'

18For John came(A) neither eating(B) nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' 19The Son of Man came(C) eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard,(D) a friend of(E) tax collectors and sinners!' Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds."[a]

25(Q) At that time Jesus declared, "I thank you, Father,(R) Lord of heaven and earth, that(S) you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and(T) revealed them to little children; 26yes, Father, for such was your(U) gracious will.[b] 27(V) All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son(W) except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone(X) to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. 28(Y) Come to(Z) me, all who labor and are(AA) heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and(AB) learn from me, for I am(AC) gentle and lowly in heart, and(AD) you will find rest for your souls. 30For(AE) my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

BUT in The Message, this is the paraphrase:

16-19"How can I account for this generation? The people have been like spoiled children whining to their parents, 'We wanted to skip rope, and you were always too tired; we wanted to talk, but you were always too busy.' John came fasting and they called him crazy. I came feasting and they called me a lush, a friend of the riffraff. Opinion polls don't count for much, do they? The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

25-26Abruptly Jesus broke into prayer: "Thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth. You've concealed your ways from sophisticates and know-it-alls, but spelled them out clearly to ordinary people. Yes, Father, that's the way you like to work."

27Jesus resumed talking to the people, but now tenderly. "The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I'm not keeping it to myself; I'm ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen.

28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

WHAT!?
I don't recall reading ANYTHING in the first version about skipping rope, opinion polls, or eating pudding in 16-19 and he actually thinks "yes Father, that is the way you like to work" is a sufficient substitute for 26"such was your gracious will"...and as far as 25-30...
"I won't lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you"!? That's how he translates 30"My yoke is easy and my burden is light"!? In my opinion the first statement is a lie! As Christians we go through all kinds of things that are 'heavy or ill-fitting', but our hope lies in the fact that we have freedom in Christ. He never says, 'oh follow me and everything will be great and nothing unpleasant will happen'.
In some parts of The Message paraphrase, it's not 100% completely terrible, but I really feel like this one missed the point entirely! I mean most of us have heard "my yoke is easy, my burden is light" before...at least I know I have countless times, but when it was read from The Message, I had NO idea that's what it was talking about. I picked up the NIV translation and read it for myself because I had no clue what was going on.

Seriously, what!?
I could go on, but you get the point.

Content? I'm trying...

2008-06-12T10:20:00.001-07:00

I tell you one thing, learning to be content in all situations is way harder than I ever thought it would be. I go through phases, but I think if you would peel back all the layers, even when it looks like I'm content...I don't know that I am. I'm speaking specifically about being here this summer. (I didn't want anyone to think it has anything to do with ANYTHING else.) I need to learn to be content doing nothing, or working, or sitting around at a rehearsal to walk on stage, stand there, not rehearse the song/dance for the only scene I'm in, and go sit back stage again.
I need to be content when my friends are VERY late for things, or when they fall asleep by mistake or accidently go to the wrong theatre. Those things aren't their fault. I'm sure Tabi didn't mean to misunderstand me and go to the wrong theatre. And really NONE of these things actually matter in the grand scheme of the world...it's just me being SUPER over-dramatic and I know that.

UGH!

Praying about being content is kind of like praying for patience...God sticks you in the middle of situations and says...deal with this. And ya know, I don't think I would deal with it at all in any other way. YaY God for knowing what you're doing!

Another thing...a kid I used to be decent friends with is now in jail for various crimes...not cool!

Also...keep the Guy and Sparks families in your prayers. Ashley Guy died yesterday morning and the reasons aren't really known. I didn't know Ashley very well AT ALL...as in, she was married to Patrick Sparks...I went to school with Patrick's younger sister Jennifer, and their mom has been my hair stylist since middle school. Ashley and Patrick have been married MAYBE 2 years...and they have a 3 month old daughter...so please keep the families in your prayers.

She was involved with The Aracoma Story (TAS) years ago, so it's hit some of the members of the cast pretty hard. It's hard anyway because this is the 5th person that I know of that has passed away that was heavily involved in TAS, so being at the park for rehearsals is always kind of hard on some.
Jennifer Williams died when she was about 12...I was only 6 or even a little younger. She lived up here on the hill, so I remember a few things about her but not much. Her parents Mike and Wendy are still active with TAS and every year there's a girl that looks a lot like Jennifer...this year is no different.
Ron Moxley died...hmm what summer was that? 2002? I think. His daughter Cathleen is a year younger than me. I did the Shawnee Trail with him for a couple years.
Matt Patterson died 2 summers ago? He was in Fiddler on the Roof. His first summer with TAS was my first also. He was about 5 years older than me.
Ruby Sutter died this past fall. Ruby was one of the greatest ladies you could ever meet and I've been in shows with her since I started there. It's especially weird to be back without Ruby there. Last summer I saw her at "Lil' Abner" and she was very excited that I was coming back for this summer...
and now Ashley.

wow...I don't know that I ever really realized all that before...

that's enough for now
this post definitely was very stream of consciousness...sorry about that

Johanna

2008-06-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

My Sondheim clip of the day is Bernadette Peters singing "Johanna" from Sweeney Todd This is one of my favorite songs in the show! :D

Stephen Sondheim

2008-06-07T06:31:00.000-07:00

I have always admired the genuis of Stephen Sondheim (Into the Woods is one of my favorite musicals), but recently I've developed a great passion for his work. I'm not super familiar with much of his stuff, unfortunately, but I hope to remedy that soon. I think I want to do an All Sondheim recital. I know that at SBTS, I have to do a recital, but I'm not sure what the requirements are. I'm sure they would let me do a specitality recital, and just not count it as my real recital? *shrug* I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get there, but I'd LOVE to do a Sondheim recital, so today I spent $100 on Amazon.com and purchased all 4 volumes of his vocal selections, a book about the his shows *for research purposes*, and 3 CDs: a ballads of stephen sondheim cd, and the 2 disk Bernadette Peters (LOVE HER) Sondheim etc. set! :D
That's pretty cheap for all of that stuff. 5 books and 3 Cds!! Come on!
I'm going to start doing research right now because this is something I REALLY would love to do.

...I'd also love to learn every single vocal piece Debussy ever wrote, but there are a TON of them! AND they're in French...and while my French diction isn't atrocious...it's still pretty bad!

Anyway, I'm going to leave you with 3 videos for your viewing pleasure!
First:
Bernadette Peters singing "No one is Alone" from Into the Woods

Second:
Bernadette Peters singing "Children with Listen" from Into the Woods

Third:
The only youtube video I could find of a girl singing one of my favorite Debussy pieces, "C'est l'extase". I really like her voice! I must warn you that French Art Song is somewhat of an aquired taste. I LOVE IT, and it's ok if you don't! :D

Enjoy!

New Apartment!!!!!!

2008-06-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

Hello folks!
Well, the living with Hannah fun is going to work out! :D She found an apartment that she actually almost signed a lease for last month, but her roommate fell through at the last minute. It's still available because of another string of events that made the guys living in it (friends of hers) have to stay an extra month. SO we have an apartment!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!

I haven't even seen it in person, but I've seen pictures, and I don't even care that much because Hannah's the one driving around everywhere looking for them, and since she was super pumped, I was like OK! :D

Here's the only thing I dislike about it...

That's right...HIDEOUS University of Louisville inspired bathroom...ick!

Everything else is great though!!! Hannah and I are ok with the black in the bathroom, but the red is a little offensive. (And it is actually red, not orange, but the picture doesn't so that too well) Any suggestions? The only thing we can think of is tile paint?

<3

Finally, something to do!!!

2008-06-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

Hello internet world!
I'm writing today to tell you that I finally have something to do with my time! Until now, I've been doing whatever I can to entertain myself, but mostly I just get up in the morning, practice a little piano, help organize some other part of my parents' house, and then go to work. I've been trying to reach the lady to play softball for over a month, but I've had no response. She doesn't have an answering machine, and I'm assuming since she doesn't know the number, she isn't answering the phone...but really, if the SAME number called you almost everyday for a month, wouldn't you eventually answer it!? Well she hasn't, so it doesn't look like I'll get to play softball this summer, which actually is kind of hard for me to grasp since I love it so much and have been looking forward to playing since LAST summer.
BUT...
The Aracoma Story (our Native American heritage play) needed singer/dancers for one scene - the settler scene. My friend Jamie is directing this and she asked if I could do it. Well...I didn't audition for the show to begin with because 1. I really don't like it very much due to past directors turning it into a horrible mess, and 2. I work evenings. It actually got cancled this year, but Jamie and crew fought to keep it running leaving 20 days to put it up. A few of her singers dropped out due to various circumstances and she needed another one so she didn't have to sing. I can't be there final dress rehearsal OR the 20 and 21 because of prior commitments, but she said if I could do it, she'd just fill in for me those 3 nights. I talked to my boss at Bobs and for the 6 days it actually conflicts with my work schedule, they are going to let me come in and work mornings, so I don't have to take 2 weeks off of work to do the show!!!! I'm super pumped! I only get two rehearsals though...this Saturday and next Saturday, so hopefully, I'll pick it up quickly. I know I get to sing a verse in the song and I'll be dancing around like a happy settler lady! :D I'm pretty excited! I think I'm more excited just to have something else to do with my time.

Although...this organizing the house for my parents has actually been kind of fun...do I see a future as a personal organizer!? Maybe! If the wedding coordinator dream doesn't work out! ;)

Have a good day!

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! I will not be living on campus this fall because I realized that I can save $200 a month by living with a roommate offcampus. SO, Bryan has a friend, Hannah, that ALSO needed a roommate, so we decided to live together. We've been doing apartment searching and she's actually got appointments to see...3 or 4 of them this afternoon!!!!!!!! Hopefully, we can find one quickly that doesn't make us start paying rent on June 15...I'd rather not have to pay for 2 months I won't be there.

Kbye

My name!

2008-05-16T09:11:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Beth's blog and decided to follow in her footsteps. I don't know how to do that fancy thing where I can post the website I got it from with the words "website" and have it be an active link, but that's ok!
I went here:
http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp

And typed in my name! I think it's pretty accurate! What do YOU think!?

You entered: Samantha Lee Bartlow
There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 64
There are 7 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:Hebrew Female Listen; name of God.
Aramaic Female Listener.

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The negative attributes of the 1 Expression are egotism and a self-centered approach to life. This is an aggressive number and if it is over-emphasized it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.

Your Soul Urge number is: 2

A Soul Urge number of 2 means:
With the Soul Urge number 2, your motivation is centered on friendships, partnerships, and companionship. You want to work with others as a part of a cooperative team. Leadership is not important to you, but making a contribution to the team effort is. You are willing to work hard to achieve a harmonious environment with sensitive, genial people.

In a positive sense, the 2 Soul Urge is sympathetic, extremely concerned and devoted. The nature tends to be very sensitive to others, always tactful and diplomatic. This element in your nature indicates that you are rather emotional. You are persuasive, but in a very quiet way, never forceful. You are the type that makes really close friendships because you are so affectionate and loving.

If this number is over-emphasized in your makeup, you may be over-sensitive, with a delicate ego that is too easily hurt. You may be timid or fearful, too easygoing for your own good.

Your Inner Dream number is: 8

An Inner Dream number of 8 means:
You dream of success in the business or political world, of power and control of large material endeavors. You crave authority and recognition of executive skills. Your secret self may have very strong desire to become an entrepreneur.

Everything's finally come to the surface

2008-04-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

I am a people person. I thrive on the company of others. Too many days by myself starts to get to me. Today, the past month of being alone in Chapmanville finally came to a head. I'm not sure what exactly caused it, but I went to work about 30 minutes early to eat, and as I was sitting there, I found it difficult to choke back the tears.
I miss my boyfriend. I miss my friends in Morgantown. I miss the girls/guys I worked with. Generally, I just miss being around people that know me.
Now, I always miss someone, but growing up 5 hours away from the rest of my family has given me this way of dealing with it...I just don't. I guess that's the best way to put it. I don't typically consciously miss anyone. It's just an emotion that's always been there, but doesn't come out very often. I think I'm just used to it honestly. I don't necessarily think it's because I don't deal with it...I just know how to deal with it I guess. I don't know!
Anyway...once I talked to my friend Heather at work (we've practically grown up together) I felt MUCH better. Just being around that ONE person that knows me (even though we were never super close friends...we have TONS of memories together) made me ok again. *I know girls are emotional, and this post is nothing but that.*
I just need to find something to do. Not necessarily to occupy my time, or distract myself, but here's my typical day:
I sleep in *as late as possible*
take a shower
go to work evening shift
come home
talk to Bryan (which has been a lot of silence on my end because I do nothing, sorry babe)
go to bed
repeat.

I sleep in as late as I can because I have nothing else to do. This morning, I got up, went for a super short jog *it's WAY hard to jog when you haven't done it in years* ate breakfast, showered, then sat around until it was time to go to work.

I'm so used to being so busy all the time that this is KILLING me. I don't need to be as busy as I was *by ANY means* and I have learned how to relax since graduation, but this is the complete opposite of being busy. Bryan used to talk to me all the time about how I always needed something to do and I didn't know how to relax. Well, that was VERY true and I'm VERY thankful for him pointing that out because now I'm ok with laying around and just resting. HOWEVER, after 2 months of that...it's time to find something to do. My emotions need it. I know that might sound like a dumb statement, but it's very true. AND did I mention that 95% of the time I'm at my house...I'm alone, with kitties because my mom works 2 jobs.

I was in Morgantown last week, and it was the best I've felt since I've been home. I spent the majority of time with my roommate, Brandon, and Shane (three of my favorite people) and it did WONDERS for my soul. I have to head back up the day after Mother's Day to get the rest of my stuff and help clean the house because Sommer is moving out. I can't wait to be back there!

Anyway, this is just a bunch of ramblings, but I needed to say it all.
I feel much better!

American Idol and Bob Evans

2008-04-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

Hello folks!
I know it's been awhile since I've actually posted anything substantial and I appologize for that. All I do these days is work, and nothing worth mentioning happens there. This is a fun 2 topic blog! WOOHOO! American Idol banter is in the beginning, followed by the differences I've noticed between the Morgantown Bobs and the Logan Bobs. Enjoy!

Tonight, I've decided to voice my American Idol opinion. Take it or leave it!
Each season, I think I get more disappointed in this show...
I don't think I've actually watched an entire season from beginning to end. The entire process drags on too much for me. The 4 weeks of bad auditions; the long, boring, hour long results show; things like that. Having been to audition before (years ago for season 4) I KNOW how much great talent they get rid of in the beginning phases just to up the amount of goof balls for the audition shows. If they actually let through the talented people *I'm not EVEN considering myself, so don't think that please* this would actually be a great competition!

This season, I'm a little bored. I think they are all great singers, but only one of them has shown any type of versatility...David Cook. And he only showed that this past week during Andrew Loyd Webber week! He's a rocker, but he took on "Music of the Night" from "Phantom of the Opera", and actually sang in the style it was written for! He didn't make it a rock ballad and it proved what a great vocalist he really is!
Syesha finally looked like she was having fun this week! I thought she sounded great, looked great, and was very entertaining! I've never heard the song from "Starlight Express" that she did, but it was a great choice.
Aside from those 2, the rest have still just stayed the same. They pick different songs, but sing them in the exact same way. I really like all of their voices, but isn't this show supposed to showcase your versatility!? *shrug*

Those are just a few quick thoughts on the contestants!
As far as the show goes...how much longer do you think they'll keep this up? It's such a good concept for entertainment, but I'm a little frustrated with the judges. Simon can stay, but I feel like they need to get people in there who can actually give criticisms that will help the contestants. Randy and Paula very rarely provide that kind of feed back. I also would LOVE to see a vocal coach, or someone that knows a bit about the voice and how it works, on the judges panel. I know that 90% of Americans watching and voting don't care about what the singers are doing technically, but for those of us that do, it'd be nice.

Anyway, that's my little Idol rant. I don't know if there will be another one, but you never know. Since I just sit around my house when I'm not at work, you might get another!

And for the Bob Evans fun I'm sure you've all been dying to know about.
I don't mean to compare the Logan Bobs with the Morgantown Bobs, but I worked at the one up north for almost 4 years straight...so similarities and differences are noticed and here is a small list of those things:
* we do a LOT more carry out here than up there.
I'm serious. We have to have a person on Carry Out specifically for the majority of the day because it gets so busy over there that the servers would KILL someone if it was on pick-up.
* in general, the manners here are not so great...
I'm not going to go into details because then I'll get worked up, but it's WAY harder to work down here because of the constant feeling of being under appreciated.
* Working evenings here is MUCH better than working evenings up there.
I used to HATE working evenings in Morgantown because I was the oldest person on the server line (at 23), we never made much money, I had been there the longest...including longer than the night shift manager, and many more reasons.
* The dinner rush is MUCH later down here.
Seriously, we'll be dead from 5-7 (in the Mo, that was a busiser time) and we'll get hit with a rush around 715 *sometimes later* that doesn't stop until we lock the doors. Thursday night, I didn't leave until 10 after 10 because people just kept coming in...we close at 9
* I've already sold more desserts down here than I did my entire 4 year stint in Morgantown.
* We go through WAY more rolls down here and much less banana nut bread.
* The first questions one was asked up north where typically, "are you a student, what year, what's your major" etc...here, I was asked 3 times my first day, "do you have any kids" haha it was cute
* I get super excited to see kids I used to know because I get to catch up with them and find out what they are up to. It's been 5 years since graduation, and most are finishing up school (if they haven't do so already) so it's cool to chat with them in this transitional part of their lives
* We don't really have rules down here...like we can eat and drink on the server line...people will stay onthe phone all day if they can (some of them), if I'm hungry, I can eat a roll in front of my managers and no one will say a word. Up in the Mo, NONE of those things would have happened EVER! (I'd actually prefer it that way here...)

So there's my list of things!
I can't say which one I like more. Actually, yes I can. I liked working at the one up north more. I LOVE waiting tables, but when I was busy up there, I didn't get flustered because of the demeanor of my customers. Here, it's really hard to get super busy, and have people treat you like dirt. And even if they leave a good tip, it doesn't matter. Money doesn't fix feeling under rated.

Anyway!
There you go!
have a nice day!

Theatre Survey

2008-04-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

LAST SHOW ADDED TO YOUR RESUME:
Pamina from Mozart's "The Magic Flute" in scenes
but full show...Poulenc's "Dialogue of the Carmilites"

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR:
opera scenes

LAST SONG YOU USED AT AN AUDITION:
"Dearest Mama" from the Ballad of Baby Doe

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW:
"Fiddler on the Roof" when I was a junior in high school

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO?:
not a big one! :D

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SINGING SOLO?
tons of them

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW?
maybe!? I don't remember

HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK?
Yes

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA?:
yup

HAVE YOU BEEN TO LONDON?:
No but I've always wanted to go.

WHAT'S THE SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION?:
Knowing the roles in the show, and the fact that I'm the tallest person in the room...that usually means I'll be stuck in the background. haha

WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF AN AUDITION?
knowing it's over

NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN:
"The Wizard of Oz"

NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS:
"Footloose"

WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT?
Not Annie! :D

DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS?:
some of them!!!

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW IMPORTANT IS GETTING PAID?
I've never been paid for a role, so it's not! :D

SOMETHING EMBARRASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE ON STAGE? I swallowed a bug once in "Footloose" and another time, during my Shakespeare scenes for class...my skirt definitely unhooked and fell down in front of the entire acting studio...HOWEVER, it did it in rehearsals the night before, so I was smart enough to wear shorts underneath! :D

EVER BEEN NAKED ON STAGE?:
NO!!!!!!!!!!!

BEEN KILLED?:
ya know...I haven't!

PLAYED DRUNK ON STAGE?:
nope

PLAYED SOMEONE HALF YOUR AGE?:
nah

PLAYED SOMEONE TWICE YOUR AGE?:
I don't think so

FIRED A GUN?
Nope! I, thankfully, never was on stage in the Aracoma Story.

DRIVEN A CAR?
No

BEEN DRENCHED?
No.

BEEN IN A DREAM SEQUENCE?
Does the Fruma Sarah dream in Fiddler count!?

BEEN KISSED?
Not really. haha

I miss the theatre!

Matt Pillor

2008-04-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

Hey,
Today, I got news that a kid I went to college with died in his sleep last night. No one knows details at this time. The Creative Arts Center was kind of like a small high school, so you knew everyone in your class, even if you weren't friends with them. That is how I knew Matt. We had a few classes together early on, but as our programs got more specific (voice for me and oboe for him), we stopped having classes together. He was always a very nice guy and an excellent musician.
I am just asking you to please pray for his friends, family, and girlfriend of 4+ years, Elisa.
Thanks so much.

TV shows!

2008-04-10T08:03:00.001-07:00

This was taken from Ms. Hager. I'm a little bored at the house today, if you can't tell! :D

1. Bold the shows you've watched every episode of
2. Italic the shows you've seen at least one episode of
3. Post your answers

50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City

45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers

40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python's Flying Circus
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted

35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI: Las Vegas
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood

30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf

25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office UK
22. The Shield
21. Angel

20. Blackadder
19. Scrubs
18. Arrested Development
17. South Park
16. Doctor Who

15. Heroes
14. Firefly
13. Battlestar Galactica
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld

10. Spaced
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24

05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
01. The Simpsons

Little Red Riding Hill.

2008-04-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

This is really funny. Read it.

Politically-correct Fairy Tale

Spring cleaning!

2008-03-28T08:11:00.001-07:00

Hello!
I am sorry to say that my posting from here until the end of the summer will probabaly be very sporadic. I am officially living back hom now (minus my bedroom furniture, which I'm bringing down in a Uhall on Sunday) and looking for a job that has nothing to do with the food industry.

My task this week has been to clean out my bedroom (full of living room furniture and mom's sewing stuff) to make room for my stuff. That doesn't sound like such a problem right!? Well...it wouldn't usually be except that sometime about 6 months or so ago, a pipe burst in the basement causing my parents to have to replace the carpet in the downstairs living room. That pretty much means that everything from the living room, ended up in my room that had already been stuffed full of holiday things, etc. (I mean, I don't blame them, I didn't live here!)
So long story short, we cleaned out my brother's room and are in the process of turning it into mom's sewing room...while doing this, we found water damage...which means we had to rip up the carpet, tear down some dry-wall, etc. So our process of cleaning up has been slowed a bit.
*Note: I like pulling up carpet and doing various sorts of demolition things* :D
So at the present moment, skipping a ton of boring details, my room is ready to go and the living room is cleared out enough to bring my stuff through it. :D YAY!
Our house is not gross, it's just cluttered and I'm helping mom go through EVERYTHING to eliminate that problem! (I'm a task master and actually it's been kind of fun to clean...) that is so weird!

As far as the job hunt goes, I applied at the community college down here to be a temp! :D Bethany (the best friend from a few posts before) used to do that, and her mom works in HR there, SO I might have a chance of getting it! :D woohoo. I'd love to work in an office. I think it'd be fun!

"Annie" the musical they are doing this summer with my community theatre is later in the summer than usual, so I can't be in it because I'll be at orientation for the last 2 shows. I'm not really that bummed about it because I HATE that musical. I just wanted something to do here aside from working...BUT I have found a girl that plays on a slow-pitch softball team, so hopefully, I'll be able to do that! YAY! After playing the past 2 summers, I'd rather do that anyway.

There's my update!
I'm sorry it's nothing to write home about.

:D

August Rush

2008-03-21T23:00:00.000-07:00

August Rush is one of the best movies I've seen.
I can't even add the prepositional phrase, "in a long time." because It's one of the best films I've seen ever.

wow!
go watch it.
seriously.

A CHORAL ARRANGEMENT OF FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE

2008-03-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

I sang this arrangement a couple semesters ago! It's so much fun!

Go watch it!!!!

AMAZING

Birthday fun

2008-03-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have wonderful friends who do wonderful things!
Today is my 23rd birthday, and it's the best birthday I've ever had!

Last night the gang went to Texas Roadhouse *as usual on Monday nights* and they made me sit on the saddle and have everyone "yee-haw" for my birthday.
Today Sommer *roommate* and I went to a matinée, learned part of the dance to Devil went down to Georgia, then Mama Hawkins took us to Madelein's for dinner!
THEN, at Bible Study, Laura made a cake and sang to me and Gabe *who's birthday is the 29th!*
Thursday is my official "birthday/going away party" so I'll have MORE fun with friends!

It's been amazing!
I'm also getting really REALLY sad about leaving everyone Monday...

:) and :(

Let me tell ya 'bout my best friend Part II

2008-03-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

I didn't intend on posting another story about Bethany, but I figured you were all dying to know about the Beowulf sock puppet show, so here it is!

Our senior year of high school, we studied the Beowulf epic (as most high school students do). Instead of simply reading this particular story, we had to do a "project." This project could be pretty much whatever we wanted it to be. For example, most of the kids in the classes made movies (which really means that the boys finally got the chance to do stupid things in front of a camera for a grade), others did storyboards, and some drew pictures or made statue things, etc. My friends (Lane, Leeann, Chris, Bethany) and I decided we wanted to do a live show of some sort. The movie idea was way over played anyway. I'm not 100% sure how the idea to do a sock puppet show came about *I THINK it was from Lane's genius* but there we were...5 creative kids, the Beowulf epic adventure, some plain socks, and the bottom half of the Calvary Baptist puppet ministry's stage curtain. I have no recollection of 90% of the details that went into making this show, and actually, the only reason I remember as much as I do is because we have it on tape. I do know, however, that Bethany was the narrator with the WORST British accent ever; Lane was the entire supporting cast and the king of Higlick *spelling*; Chris was Grendel, complete with a sock rolled glue, then rice, and spray pained green; Leeann was the most ghetto Beowulf to ever grace the stage, and I was Grendel's mom, who looked kind of like a bad drag queen *with a deep voice* until I screamed...which sounded like an opera singer. During the making of this production, we decided to reference as many ridiculous things as humanly possible including, but not limited to, The Scarlett Letter, Mario Brothers, Zelda, the phrase "shoot to kill!?", and the king's throne...which was a picture of a bedazzled toilet...

Needless to say, we were super under rehearsed and laughed almost the entire way through, but our teacher *and classmates* loved it so much, that we were forced to do it for the entire junior class. *shrug*

This story isn't nearly as funny (or dorky) as the Arabian Dance, but it still makes me laugh to replay it in my head!

AND I'm pretty sure my stories like this embarrass Bryan, so I figured why not another one! ;)

Let me tell ya 'bout my best friend

2008-03-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

My best friend, Bethany, is getting married in May!!!! Her WV bridal shower and bachelorette party are April 5, which means I've been in major maid of honor overdrive. Everything has finally been planned and mailed and I can get back to working on my gift for her. YAY!
Because of the Bethany centered universe I've been living in the past few days, I figured I would tell you a little about our friendship.

We met in the 6th grade at a sleepover and as she says, "we realized we were the biggest dorks at the party and we had to be friends." Which couldn't be more true as you will notice in the pictures following this post. The only thing from that sleepover I remember is having a "talent contest" (which in 6th grade just means that we sang) and the girls couldn't pick who was better, so we tied (or something like that), and playing a game about having dots? and the two of us kept saying "foe" instead of the number "four." *shrug*

Some of my favorite memories involve antics with Bethany. For instance, she was staying the night at my house and we decided choreographing a modern dance to the Arabian Dance from the Nutcracker would be a great idea. *note: neither of us took dance...unless you count tap and ballet at age 3 and 4, which I doubt you do.* The concept of this dance (if you can call it that) was something about 2 lost souls trying to find one another. So we spent the entire length of the song wandering around my bedroom doing the stereotypical dragging of the foot with each step until at long last, on the penultimate measure of the musical piece, we found each other and embraced in a very modern dance sort of way. ...I'm not making this up...though I wish I were because now you have proof of the caliber of our dorkiness. The best part of this creative collaboration, if you will, was a jump and catch thing that we decided to put in. I was supposed to run and leap into Bethany's arms. Now, those of you who've seen me know that the mere thought of all these lanky limbs hurling through the air could could create panic in even the bravest of souls. Bethany realized this fact as well...only I was already in the air when this struck her. In a desperate attempt to save herself, she quickly yelled, "I can't catch you!!!" and jumped out of the way (sort of) causing the two of us to end up in a heap splitting the floor and the edge of the bed. I think we ended up laying there for at least 10 minutes in side splitting pain from all the laughter.

Another memory has to do with 3 other friends, a Beowulf project, and a sock puppet show with Mario Brothers and Zelda theme music, but that's a story for another day. :)

Bethany has been there through almost every phase of my life. She's the kind of friend you only come across once in your life, if you're lucky. We've had our fair share of troubles, as all close friends have. We even went about a year in middle school without speaking (8th grade girls, you know how that can be.) But throughout it all, God has kept pushing us back together. Bethany and I were the first voice majors from Chapmanville (I'm pretty sure in the history of the town EVER...ok maybe not that, but we'd certainly never heard of any.) She went to the University of Charletson and I headed to WVU. When the program at UC folded, she decided she didn't want a degree from a school whose program didn't exist anymore, so she transfered to Lee University in Tennessee (8 hours away from WVU). *WHICH, by the way, she should have gone to right out of high school...it's the only school she ever talked about, but I'm just sayin'* ;) I think we actually went an entire year without seeing one another, but no matter how much time passed, we picked back up where we left off.

Our group of 5 from high school no longer speaks really. Lane is in Illinois being a model and going to rock shows! Natasha just got married the 23rd of this month, and her son Parker is a little over 7 months old. Tabi is an EMT and Volunteer Fire Fighter and is actually helping me plan the bacholerette party!!! Bethany will graduate soon with her degree in Music Education, her fiancee is a youth Pastor in Virginia, working on his Masters of Divinity in...Christian Ministry? perhaps? I have my BM in Vocal Performance and am about to go to Seminary to get my MM in Church Music and my boyfriend is getting his M.Div. in Christian Ministry. It's interesting to see how God has worked through the various stages of our lives, and kept the two of us close in a lot of things. One thing Bethany and I always dreamed about when we were younger was how we were going to live down the street from one another in our silver days in one of the Carolinas, sit in our rocking chairs on the front porch, and sip on sweet tea while our husbands hung out somewhere else. Honestly, that may never happen, BUT when Jonathan *her fiancee* and Bryan get together, it feels like gatherings just might go a little something like this:
Bryan and Jonathan talk about ::insert some highly intellectual theological discussion here::
while Berf and I run around like 5 year olds, singing random songs from All State, and laughing at the top of our lungs. This will be the situation for the rest of our lives and I can't wait.
She is truly the best friend I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

Enjoy the pictures!
These were taken over Thanksgiving Break after seeing our High School Choir's "Bah Humbug" - a musical version of "A Christmas Carol".

If ONLY you knew us in the 7th grade...

We used to dress up in prom dresses and such and take pictures with a fan blowing our hair...so this is recreating that...I also can't believe I'm giving you more proof of how dorky we were/still are! Some things you never outgrow.

Obviously, I'm blinded by her rock.

I don't associate with white chicks who throw gang signs...

This is one of the only normal pictures ever taken of us.

Singers

2008-03-12T14:00:00.001-07:00

I know I said I'd post an update, but I've been inspired to make a list of favored vocalists.
This isn't necessarily my "top of all time" or anything, nor are they in any particular order, just a list of lead singers who tear it up vocally! I'm actually a huge snob about vocalists. I don't really listen to bands with singers who don't sing well. You can call that whatever you want, but I can't really help what I like/how I've been trained.
I hope you enjoy!?

* Freddy Mercury - Queen
* Steve Perry - Journey
* Dennis DeYoung and Tommy Shaw - Styx
* Ann Wilson - Heart
* Martina McBride
* Terry Kath - Chicago
* Phil Collins
* Kevin Cronin - REO Speedwagon
* Christina Aguilera
* Amy Lee - Evanescence
* Michael Buble
* Linda Eder
* Adam Levine - Maroon 5
* Pat Benetar
* Gary LeVox - Rascal Flatts
* Stevie Wonder
* Shannon Hoon - Blind Melon
* Brad Detar - The Juliana Theory
* Whitney Houston

The list goes on and on, but those are a few!

k bye!

The boyfriend...

2008-03-12T04:09:00.000-07:00

is HILARIOUS!
GO look at his latest blog post:
Five Unquestionable Truths

oh no!
haha

<3

An actual post will follow in sometime. I'm kind of of Maid of Honor overdrive at the moment AND I'm in my last 4 days of work *YAY*, so I'll get around to ti sooner or later!
:D

80s quiz!!!!!!

2008-02-18T14:10:00.000-08:00

I figured it was an ok time to do a quiz on my blog!

Too good to pass up (80s quiz)

1.How old were you in 1980?
I wasn't

2. How old were you in 1989?
almost 5

3. Were you a Toys R Us kid?
not particularly, but I DO remember the entire theme song

4. Did you watch Transformers?
no

5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen?
no

6. Did you own a Lite Bright?
No, but I remember them

7. Who is your Favorite Golden Girl?
Dorothy...I often get compared to her actually

8. When someone says; Who you gonna call? You think?
GHOSTBUSTERS!

9. What was your favorite toy?
P.J. Sparkles...it was actually my "password" from my mom...like if something happened and she sent a neighbor or someone else to pick me up from school or where ever, they had to say "Your mommy told me to tell you that P.J. Sparkles sent me to pick you up." That way, I knew I could go with them!

10. Did you have a Pogo Ball?
no

11. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
OH YES! haha my daddy still will tease me about running around the house going "new kids new kids"

12. What New Kid did you have a crush on?
all of them, I LOVED boys when I was little. I mean, I still love boys, but these days it's A boy...not multiple boys.

13. Did you play M.A.S.H?
HAHAHAHA ALL THE TIME!

14. Did you watch The Care Bears?
yes! My room was decorated in them until my little brother came along, and I had a Care Bears birthday party when I turned 1!

15. Did you have Jelly bracelets?
yes

16. Did you have a charm necklace and/or bracelet?
no?

17. Did you own a glo-worm?
maybe!?

18. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
yes tons! I STILL own a slap bracelet!

19. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
I've never seen 16 candles.

20. Did you have a crazy hair style?
haha umm...no, just super long and permed...in 90 I got the female bowl cut though...we won't go there.

21.What was your first bike?
I remember learning to ride my first "big girl bike". A girl named Heather in my neighborhood in Pikeville taught me to ride it...so as soon as I learned, I ran outside and go my mom to make her watch...then I proceeded to ride it into a ditch, tossing myself face first into the mud. I cried for EVER!

22. Name one thing you still own from your childhood?
A few stuffed animals I think. I also have a shirt from my first t-ball team when I was 4. I has "Samantha" on the back of it...when I was a little older *not much though* I used to put it on my dog. HAHA

23. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid?
yup!!!

24. Did you dress like Madonna?
not until college for an 80s party! haha but it was the less scandalous version of her

25. Go-bots or Transformers?
I didn't watch either...I'm beginning to think I need to do a 90s quiz instead... :(

26. Did you watch Miami Vice?
no

27. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
yes, and they caused blisters on my feet, so my mom got rid of them and I wasn't allowed to have them anymore. In fact, when they came back out like...2 years ago...she advised me not to get them because of what happened to my feet during my childhood. I listened...but just because they were ugly and stupid. haha

28. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Not in the 80s, but I DEFINITELY went through my fair share of Trapper Keepers

29. Atari or Nintendo
Nintendo!!!!

30. Did you play Pac-Man?
still do but Tetris and Dr. Mario are my specialties.

31. Which was better: Jem and the Holograms or Barbie and the Rocker?
Barbie and the Rocker!!! I had a coloring book of that!

32. He-Man or She-Ra?
She-ra

33. What movie scared you the most?
IT! hahaha

34. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson?
I listened to oldies with my parents in the 80s *as I was only 5 when it ended* but NOW I dance like Michael Jackson

35. What Is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear flux capacitor, great scott?
Back to the Future

36. What other colors did Pepsi come in?
pepsi clear!! ewwww

37. Roger Rabbit Or Howard The Duck?
Roger Rabbit, but only because I watched it my Freshman year of college

38. Did you ever beg your parents to have your school picture taken with the LASER background?
HAHAHAHA no! BUT I have the amazing late 80s/early 90s mauve and sea foam green with the large vase full of color coordinated sticks in the background picture!!

39. Do you know what the Ninja Rap is?
no

40. Do you know why people cringe when they hear the word BUCKNER?
no

41. Can you name the family members from National Lampoons Vacation movies?
haha no :(

42. Did you have pump sneakers?
no, but I think it'd be awesome to have them now!

43. Did you own HYPER COLOR shirts?
yes I most certainly did

44. Did you watch Smurfs?
OH YES!!!!

Nostalgia

2008-02-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

(I wrote this in a Word document last night because my internet has been down.)

I can’t sleep tonight. I find myself on the verge of tears every five minutes or so. My mind is racing with movie clip versions of memories – one right after the other, in no particular sequence. I relive a moment from middle school and then right after that is junior prom. This nostalgia often comes coupled with the contemplation of relationships I’ve had, and where they are now. Tonight is no different. The first place I naturally go is to relationships with those who’ve passed. The memories are so vivid that I can actually see it all happen over again.

I see myself sitting at Josh’s computer with him and Crystal as they introduced me to homestarrunner.com. She insisted that I watch the ‘Fluffy Puff Marshmallow Commercial’ and one about a jump roping contest…I was hooked right away. She looked gorgeous that day, and I couldn’t even tell she was wearing a wig…

That was the last time I saw her.

I can see Matt dancing around the stage as a Russian in the bar scene of Fiddler on the Roof. The rest of the cast and I would always watch that scene from backstage…every night. To this day when I see a color guard do the bottle dance I think of him. Two weeks before he died, he saw my mom and asked about me. I was really upset that I wasn’t in town until the following weekend. I can’t even remember the last time I saw him…

After all the memories of lost loved ones pass (there are many more), I go straight into seeing what seems like my entire life. I can still remember seeing Bethany the night we became best friends. We were in the 6^th grade at a sleepover. I’d never seen her in my life, and on May 24, I will be her maid of honor. Thinking about Bethany comes all the ridiculous things we’ve done…making up our own modern dance version of the Russian song from The Nutcracker…trying to cook together…dances…church lock-ins…choir…

These thoughts don’t take time to pause and let me look longer…they just keep going to the next one. After my closest high school and college friends comes the part that really makes my heart ache…

Where are we all now?

Some are in other states, some are still at home, some are getting married in a couple weeks others in a few months. Some have just come back into my life and others have recently moved away. I’ve had reunions where we all talked about the old times all the while acting as if we didn’t realize the group of us would never be in the same place altogether again…deep down we all knew. Those are the times when hugs are longer and tighter, and tears are choked back until the friends become small figures in the rearview mirror.

I’m about to move home to a place that I could navigate in my sleep. A place where everything is different, but nothing’s really changed. Part of me dreads it. Like honest to goodness dread because I never thought I’d live there again. My friends who are there have husbands and babies and real jobs and it’s all completely surreal to me. When I’m home, I think about how we used to talk about having babies and husbands and how the biggest responsibility we had was taking out the trash…now they are living that part of their lives. It’s a pretty hard concept to grasp, tonight more so than usual.

There is a part of me that’s excited to go back home though albeit a small part…it’s still a part. I’m looking forward to rekindling some of those relationships that have faded into memories. I’m excited about hanging out with my parents. I’m pumped about not paying bills!

…but I’m still terrified.

I don’t want to leave my friends. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so reluctant to hang out with any of them. I’m leaving in a little over a month and honestly, I think I’m scared of getting any closer because I know it’s almost over. I’ve never been one to push people away just because circumstances were changing, but maybe I’m turning into one of them. Do you know how many times I’ve been asked to do something, but declined for absolutely no reason? A lot. I don’t really enjoy sitting on my couch watching movies by myself for hours (sometimes I love it)…but that’s what daily life looks like for me. I come home from work, lay around on the couch watching horrible reruns of dumb shows, eat (maybe), decline invitations to do anything that wasn’t scheduled ahead of time, call Bryan, barely say two words, get really sleepy, go to bed (which sometimes means I sleep all night, and sometimes *like tonight* I stare at the ceiling trying to get my brain to be quiet), then I get up and do it all the next day.

I don’t think my life sucks or anything like that (don’t get me wrong), I just realize that I’m making excuses to keep from spending time with people…I’m going to kick myself for that when I’m having another one of these nights in about 6 months. I think I’ve just decided to make the most of it, instead of balling up on the couch for hours.

This entry really helped…

hmm

Time to brag

2008-02-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks, but I have to get this out!
MY BOYFRIEND IS SO HANDSOME!!!!
I mean just look at him!!!

This is him being artsy.

This is him talking to me on the phone and showing me his new hair cut.

This is him being hot.

On top of good looks, he "seems like he has a brain," says my manager at work!
On a scale of 1-10, I'd give him a 28!

<3
Happy 9 month-iversary love!

A Piano Trio and our sinful nature

2008-02-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

I haven't had much to say on this thing lately. I'm not really sure why today is any different, as I should be getting ready to run a bunch of errands including going to the bank *with 10 days of tip money...they are going to LOVE me with all my $1 bills*, taking my sick roommate and our other friend, Scott to the Dr, dropping off prescriptions, eating lunch, meeting Lou at Forever 21, and learning the rest of "The Prayer" for my music rehearsal with Ryan tonight...but instead of preparing for my morning, I find myself unable to tear myself away from this blog.
It's weird.
It could be the beautiful piece playing in the background via youtube.com. I'm listening to a classmate's composition that was premiered on the New Music Concert back in the fall semester. I'm having trouble fathoming the fact that I know the kid that wrote this. So often, I think "wow that Mozart, what a guy, he was amazing, etc." so it's weird to think, "I sat next to the composer in a couple classes." haha It's just hard for me to wrap my mind around I suppose! Another thing that really got me when I first heard it is how it's not all about the piano (which he is playing) there are a lot of times where the other instruments take precedence. It's just really nice!
For those of you interested, go to youtube and type in Zack Wilson...it's his piano trio (piano, violin, and cello). There are three movements and it's very tonal and GORGEOUS!! I typically can't STAND new music because it's so far removed from any sense of tonality, but this is different. So, check it out if you are so inclined.

Now for the real reason for this post:
Recently, it's started to become apparent to me JUST how depraved we really are. Even though I've heard how no one is good apart from God, and I've read it at least a dozen times...it never resonated with me as much as it has been lately. It started when I was at work a couple weeks ago. I had 90 minutes of sleep, so needless to say I was pretty crabby pants. I found myself having pep talks with myself to insure that I wouldn't take out my crabbyness on those I work with. 20 things could go right, but if I got one bad tip from a table or had to make one too many trips because people at the table couldn't tell me what they wanted all at once...I had to physically stop and remind myself not to throw my tray in the tray holder or smart off to the grill cooks! It was a struggle all day. That is completely opposite of how I usually operate at work. (Granted, at times I do throw my tray in the tray holder, and there are the occasional eye rolls of annoyance, but they are typically very few and far between.)
To continue this realization...I was reading Donald Miller's "Blue like Jazz" (which I don't recommend or not recommend yet...I'm not far enough through it to have an opinion one way or the other on the book) but anyway...
He was having a conversation with one of his friends, I believe it was 'Tony the beat poet' about all the things happening in the Congo (this was published in 2003) and they ended up discussing what makes a person do things like that...rape, murder, etc. and figured out that anyone is capable of such things. Of course, at first I was like "NOT ME, THAT'S HORRIBLE" but why not me? Apart from God no one is good...so what makes me any better than anyone else?
I'm not.
Also...we have to teach kids right from wrong. They don't just instinctively know! I can't believe I haven't realized that part at least, sooner than now! haha It actually makes me laugh. I'm still struggling with the idea that not only is my previous idea completely wrong: 'not everyone is bad, there is good in everyone, etc.' but it's the exact opposite.
Total depravity never meant much to me until now.
I'm finally starting to understand when Bryan advises me not to do something...it's not that he doesn't trust me/thinks I'm going to cheat on him/anything else...it's that our nature is SINFUL, and no matter how 'good' you think you are...and no matter how much you love Jesus...our tendencies as humans are still not good ones!

The entire time I'm typing this...I STILL want to say things like...granted, I wouldn't murder...or...blah blah blah I wouldn't do this or that...
I'm still struggling with this idea that I'm better than other people.
I'm not.
I'm just as sinful as every other person on this planet.

It's hard to wrap my head around it.
I still can't really do it...

Heath Ledger

2008-01-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

Heath Ledger died today at 28...
wow.
That's horrible!!!!!

My life in recent days

2008-01-21T07:02:00.000-08:00

Hello again!
I seem to go through phases with this blogging thing. I apologize that it's been such a long time!

Things have been interesting lately.
This stage of life is very transitional...and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I kind of feel like I'm floating in some sort of limbo *not that I think limbo actually exists, just for the record*. I was asked the entire month of break how it felt to be a graduate. My response, obviously, was, "well...ask me when my friends go back to class and I go to work full time because right now it just feels like break." Now that my friends HAVE gone back to class and I've gone to work...it's just weird. I don't hate being at Bob Evans 4 days a week as much as I thought I would. People are much more relaxed during the slow weekday morning shifts than they EVER are on the weekend, so it's easier to work with them. It's just weird to slow down. A good weird!! But weird just the same. For the past 4 1/2 years I've done nothing but run run run run run because of my insane music major/theatre minor schedule. I actually feel extremely lazy these days. I go to work, come home, sit around, depending on the day I might hang out with someone, but not often, call the boyfriend, go to sleep and it starts all over the next morning. My room is kind of a mess, I need to do laundry, I need to do a bunch of things, but I'm not making the time to do them.
Quiet time? What's that? I've been not busy for a long time, and yet I still don't take time to spend with God. If ANY time is easiest to do it...it should be now in my life.
I also have the spiritual autobiography to write for admittance to SBTS (which is on the board for today and tomorrow) but I've been dreading it...and thus have put it off until now.
I think somewhere in my head, I feel guilty for not spending time with God...and I feel like I can't write about my spiritual life because it feels like lying? or something ridiculous like that.
I DO know, however, that it's not going to write itself...so I need to get breakfast and then get started.

Sorry if this wasn't the wonderful, exciting update you've been waiting for.

Update!!!!!

2007-12-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

Hello all!
I realize it's been about three weeks since my last post of any kind, so I figured an update is due.
(this will be short and to the point because I have stuff to do)

I GRADUATED!
I had a great time at home with my friends for a day after finals.
I have been working, but not a lot.
I have been sick *again*.
I have 3 hours left of 24 season 6 and I'm DYING to know what happens!
I saw Bryan for my graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My family came up for it as well!
I leave Saturday for my Christmas vacation which includes:
*singing at my home church Sunday
*leaving with my family Sunday afternoon for Cincinnati
*games at my cousin Brett's Sunday night
*hanging out with the Bartlow clan Christmas eve and shopping with lil' brudder
*CHRISTMAS with the rest of the gang
*home for my house Christmas
*skiing with my brother and daddy (Bryan!?)
*visiting B for his birthday
*heading back here on the 4th for work the next morning

That's pretty much the plan.
I have been having a nice, relaxing time hanging out with the roommate and Lou as well as becoming addicted to The Office and season 6 of 24!

:D

A more substantial post will come at SOME point!

Discipline?

2007-12-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

Three Years in the Gospel of John

I suggest that everyone read the above article.
Bryan sent it to me because I am the CHIEF of making excuses for not being disciplined to consistently read scripture. I am a busy girl (which is an entirely different can of worms) but I let the business of my schedule get in the way of my time in the Word. In this article, he talks about his 3 year trek through the Gospel of John...instead of his one year, as originally planned. He gives a list of things he did that caused him to take such a long time, and encourages us not to do the same. Ha! It was really refreshing to read that because most of the people in my life are disciplined in this area *coughBryanandLoucough* and it was nice to read suggestions on how to overcome it from someone who has!

:D
enjoy!

Graduation

2007-12-02T20:38:00.000-08:00

I GRADUATE A WEEK FROM TODAY!!!!!!!!!

Caffeine high

2007-11-23T21:51:00.000-08:00

So I'm not supposed to have caffeine. It's all good, I don't usually have much of it anyway. Since I've been doing a FAIRLY good job at sticking to the diet...I haven't had much caffeine. I had a few cokes this week *it was a holiday...don't judge me* haha
My roommate Sommer and I LOVE sweet tea and she makes the BEST sweet tea ever! However, I forget that when I'm gone...she doesn't make the decaf kind of sweet tea...but she makes regular. She forgot that I was coming home today...so naturally she didn't leave a note stating "this tea is not decaf". I got home around 2 this afternoon, and I've been drinking the "decaf" tea since I got here...at LEAST 3 glasses...if not more than that. She informed me around 1030 tonight, when she got home, that the tea was not decaf like I originally thought.
...I had been bouncing off the walls for a few hours and couldn't figure out why...
I now know.
You should all pray for Bryan because we just got off a phone date...and I talked and talked and talked and talked...and he sat there and had to listen to me exhaust him. It was pretty terrible. Sorry B.

I never realized that caffeine would affect me this much because it never has in the past...but I suppose that's what you get when you don't have it for awhile! HMMMMM

k, time to read!
NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

BREAK!!!!!

2007-11-22T18:14:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving break, I did exactly what I do every Thanksgiving break...
make a plan for all the work I have to do...
and do none of it!
SO,
on this Thursday of the break (HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!) I still have NOTHING done that I needed to get done...
However, I think that the ability to sit around for HOURS and watch "The Office" with my dad and lil' brudder will be just what I need to sit down and pound out the work for the rest of the semester....because if I think about it logically...I DO have enough time to get everything done if I just DO it.

I just need to get over my 'I graduate in 3 weeks' syndrome and all will be right with the world!
*good luck there right!*

Break has been amazing thus far!
I got to spend time with Bryan!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was amazing to see him, FINALLY!!!!!!!!! :D
The last time I saw him was October 2...NOT COOL!
BUT that's the longest gap we'll have to go, so we're past the long one!!!!! YAY!!!

I also got to see some really great old friends...some I hadn't seen in 7 years!

My lil' brudder is pretty much the coolest kid I know, and I was reminded of that this week!

I also figured out that my last Sunday in Morganland will be March 16...and I'll move back home after my birthday!
CRAZY!!!!!!!!
I was at Walmart and I realized that in a few months...I'll be there on a semi-regular basis...running into EVERYONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN!
weird!!!
I saw my bride-to-be and her fiancee!!! WONDERFUL!

I love thanksgiving!!!
I love my family!!!
I love my boyfriend!!!
I love my friends!!!

2007-11-18T11:40:00.001-08:00

I see my boyfriend in a few hours!!!!!
*does happy dance*
I'm leaving as soon as Sommer gets back with my car...

Finale pictures

2007-11-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

Best friend, Lou, drove 7 hours to see me!!!

8 of the top 15 sang "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" to kick off the finale.

"The Girl in 14G"

"Vision of Love"

"Mercy on Me"

Happiness to me...in pictures

2007-11-12T21:08:00.001-08:00

I was inspired by my cousin Janine to make a post about the things in life that make me happy. (I don't have a picture of the Lord, but you get the idea.)

2007 Mountaineer Idol

2007-11-12T07:09:00.001-08:00

I won!
holy cow!! haha I really still, even now, can not believe it. I have also realized how much I don't really like the attention! HAHA I mean...I enjoy the spotlight...let's face it, I wouldn't be a performance major if I didn't...but I do NOT really like the attention from this. It's ok. I'm not gonna complain about it! I don't think I could be famous though! I tend to hide my face or shy away when people congratulate me in front of a large group of other people. haha Good thing God has called me to something else! :D

I figured I would put the articles from the Post and the DA in here for those of you (*coughBryanKatyandBethcough*) who live far away and won't be able to read them!
BUT FIRST!
I have to say thank you so much for all of your encouraging words throughout this competition. Thank you for putting up with only reading out this stuff for a couple months! haha It was only by the grace of God that I even had the chance to perform...or even have this voice! SO it all goes to Him. not me!

"Bartlow win '07 Mountaineer Idol"
by J. Myles Layton *The Dominion Post*
Samantha Bartlow, a budding opera singer, reigns as the 2007 Mountaineer Idol
Shortly after capturing the title Sunday at the Metropolitan Theatre, Bartlow said, "I don't know what to do with myself right now. I can't believe I won. I really, really can't."
Bartlow was still in shock when she was asked by The Dominion Post if she had any plans to go to Disney World like all those guys on TV after they win a Superbowl of World Series.
"I'm going to church tonight to thank God for everything," she said. "If it wasn't for Him, I don't believe that I would have the voice that I have, or the opportunity to use it."
A field of 65 contestants was narrowed to 15 semifinalists, who have been competing in various genres of music since August.
"If you were only and opera singer, and then you had to sing a country song when you got to the country genre...you would have to be a wellrounded singer to be able to sing the various genres of music required in this competition," said Sonja Wilson, Mountaineer Idol coordinator.
The finalists were Bartlow, Julie Cerrone, who was second place, and Nicole Mata, third place. On the final day of the competition, they each had to sing three songs. On Sunday, each of these finists was judged on three songs - one previously performed song, a new song and one selected by Kasey Hott, the 2006 Mountaineer Idol and master of ceremonies. The contestant with the highest score won $1,000.
"The finale showcases the hard work and effort that students have put into Mountaineer Idol," Wilson said. "Our winner, Samantha, belted out a diverse group of songs to sing the title of Mountaineer Idol - a title she will remember always."
Mountaineer Idol began in 2004 when WVU student Marci Lane sang herself to Hollywood for the third season of American idol. After being eliminated, she brought the idea back to WVU as a way to showcase student talent at the university.
Before the judges made their decision, The Dominion Post went backstage to interview the three finalists.
With long brown curly hari and brown eyes, Cerrone, 22, looks somewhat like American Idol sensation Kelly Clarkson. She was standing in a dimly lit hallway off stage and sang Ira nd George Gershwin's "Someone to watch over me."
"I've been practicing a lot," said Cerrone, 22, a WVU senior from Pittsburgh, who won second place in 2005. "I do this because I love being in the spotlight singing. Performing gives me a rush."
If Cerrone were ever to audition before notorious American Idol judge Simon Cowell, she said he would probably say she "has what it takes to be the next Americal Idol."
Bartlow, 22, a WVU senior, said she is definitely not what people would consider a pop princess. Though Bartlow belted out blues, pop and rock songs during the competition, in truth, this music major is more comfortable singing opera.
The statuesque 5-foot 11-inch blonde from Chapmanville demonstrated her range with a few notes from Puccini's "Tosca" that could probably shatter crystal and send that cliched fat lady at every opera house into a jealous rage.
If Bartlow were to audition in front of Cowell, she said he would say to her, "you don't have a very pop music voice, but I think you have good control."
Mata, 19, was born in the Philippines, but grew up in Charleston. The WVU freshman practices singing whenever she gest a spare moment.
"I sing into my iPod, in the shower, sometimes I even go to the Creative Arts Center and sing in one of hte practice rooms," she said. "It's whenever I have free time - but to me, school is first."
While Mata was waiting her turn to perform, she was sitting unnoticed in a small chair in the hall near the dressing rooms. Other performers didn't notice Mata as they walked pas her until she started singing "I have nothing," by Whitney Houston. All of a sudden, everyone took notice of the quiet, unassuming girl as her voice pierced souls with a soud that made Whitney a superstar.
Mountaineer Idol is officially sponsored by Coca-Cola, Fox 46 and "American idol."

"Bartlow wins Idol 2007"
by Shelly Davidov *The Daily Athenaeum*
After masterfully peforming three songs by vocally respected artists, Samantha Bartlow was named the 2007 Mountaineer Idol.
The Mountaineer Idol finale kicked off Sunday at 3pm to a packed and excited audience in the Metropolitan Theatre.
The show opened with a performance of Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's version of "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" by eight Idol contestants, including finalists Bartlow, Julie Cerrone, and Nicole Mata.
For Round One, each finalist performed a number from a previous round that best displayed her talent and skills.
Mata took the stage first performing Alicia Keys' "How Come you Don't Call Me?" Mata put sass and soul into her performance, showing for the first time true confidence in her singing.
Bartlow gave another jaw-dropping performance of Kristin Chenoweth's "The Girl in 14G," using her operatic and acting skills to wow the crowd.
Cerrone finished Round One with Whitney Houston's version of "I will Always Love You." The audience loved her dramatic style and use of the stage.
As previous contestant Jessica Zapadka sang Ashlee Simpson's "Unreachable," the finalists prepared for Round Two.
For their second performances, the girls had to perform songs selected by the hosts.
Mata started off the round with Tina Turner's "Proud Mary." In addition to controlled, clear lyrics and vocals, Mata got into character, portraying attitude during the spoken parts of the song.
The song chosen for Bartlow was Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love." Though not that comfortable with the song, she showed off her vast higher register.
Singing the techno version of Leann Rimes, "How Do I Live?" Cerrone walked to the stage from the back of the theatre. Despite some flat notes, Cerrone interacted with the audience and had fun with her performance.
As the finalists prepared for the final round, the show welcomed more past contestants to the stage.
Priscilla Brock showed her country skills with a performance of Martina McBride's "When God Fearin Women get the Blues," while Ryan Russman channeled Broadway with "I Know Where I've Been," from Hairspray. Russman not only gave a consistent performance, but brought emotion and commanding vocals to the moving song.
For the last round of the show, the finalist performed a song of their choice.
Mata selected "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. Though she started strong, Mata couldn't reach the higher notes from the song's key change. She held her composure, but Mata struggled with the rest of the number.
Bartlow chose Christina Aguilera's "Mercy on Me." Baring her soul through the music. Bartlow effortlessly flowed through Aguliera's difficult runs and lengthy notes.
Cerrone closed the final round with an a cappella performance of Ella Fitzgerald's "Someone to Watch over Me," which she dedicated to her grandmother. Though she held nothing of Fitzgerald's fluid, rich tone, the crowed loved Cerrone's belting.
While the judges tabulated the scores, more performers took the stage.
After performances by past contestants, Alex Aide and Wayne Riley, Jaqueline Dooley and the Umoja Voices of Joy choir performed a gospel number with the finalists.
After the song, hosts Kasey Hott and Nick Bartic returned with the final scores of the evening.
Mata was named second rummer-up, winning a prize of $250. Cerrone was named first runner-up, winning $750, making Bartlow the Idol winner.
Smiling and laughing through her shock, Bartlow accepted her $1,000 check.
Bartlow's shocked disbelief continued even after the show. "I thought I was going to get third place."

There you go!
Sorry it was such a novel.

Anna Marie Gill

2007-11-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

Anna Marie Gill

March 1st, 1985 – November 11th, 2003

How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.

Four years have passed and it still feels like it happened yesterday. We will never forget you, beautiful.

Copied in part from Kaleena B.

Tomorrow

2007-11-10T19:45:00.000-08:00

I.am.more.nervous.than.I.should.ever.be.

Mountaineers 7-1

2007-11-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Louisville Cardinals (and Joshie),

HAHAHAHAHA
love,
the Mountaineers

Headline reads: "Mountaineer Idol finalist Samantha Bartlow sings her way to the top"

2007-11-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.da.wvu.edu/show_article.php?&story_id=31207&archive_date=2007-11-07

If you go to the "print edition" on the right hand side and go to page 5, you'll be able to see the picture too!

Idol comments

2007-11-05T22:57:00.001-08:00

Hey kids! The finale for Mountaineer Idol is rapidly approaching! I'm pretty much a nervous pile of myself. I have opera scenes all week this week, and I'm not nervous about them at all!
In an attempt to make myself feel better (and because I'm unable to sleep at this moment...stupid nap...ya know I didn't think a 10 minute nap would keep me up this late) here are the comments in the DA from last week's performance.
(Sorry they don't have pictures Beth...I don't have a camera, and no one took any for me.)

Taking on another soulful singer was the last performer, Samantha Bartlow. Wearing a long red dress and a black boa, Bartlow performed Aretha Franklin’s “Think.” Though the lyrics of verses could have been clearer, Bartlow reached every impossible note and performed with great presence.

Bartlow was last to perform. Singing Broadway star Kristen Chenoweth’s “The Girl in 14G,” Bartlow donned glasses and a black and white dress as she swung around in a chair on stage. Combining bursts of opera and scat, Bartlow told the story of a young girl’s annoyingly loud new neighbors: An opera singer and a jazz performer. Switching from a prima donna opera star to a swanky jazz singer and back again, Bartlow wowed the audience with her vocal and acting skills.

I'll be performing "The Girl in 14G" for the finale...so hopefully, I can once again 'wow the audience'. I'm also doing "Mercy on Me" by Christina Aguliera...with a few tweaked lyrics since I'm not catholic, and "Vision of Love" by Mariah Carey...which I am MOST nervous about because that was the best of the 4 choices given to me by the hosts.
If you don't know the pieces...look them up on youtube.

Keep me in your prayers this week if you remember. It will be a bit of a stress ball until Thanksgiving break.
On the table for the next 2 weeks:
Wednesday - opera scenes
Thursday - Louisville game
Friday - opera scenes
Saturday - opera scenes (and not work...which is NOT a good thing)
Sunday - Idol finale
Monday - dress rehearsal
Tuesday - choir concert
Wednesday - Danielle's recital
Friday - Shakespeare scene due

BREAK
and BREAK means....I GET TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE OCTOBER 2ND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*can you tell I miss him?*

<3

time to sleep! I think I finally made myself sleepy!!!
W00H00

PICTURE BLOG!!!!!

2007-11-05T13:36:00.001-08:00

Everyone loves a picture blog!!!!

Sommer and I were America's next top models, and Faith was a dancing queen this year at our masquerade party! (more pictures of that fun to follow soon!)

The rest of the pictures are from Fall Retreat at Canaan Valley! We decided it would be a good idea to rake leaves with canoe oars and jump in them! So we did!!! I also built a tepee with the oars...but it fell on me. :(

Nostalgia meets the future

2007-10-30T13:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted anything meaningful in a long time. Sorry about that!
Sometimes, I just want life to stop moving so fast...and at other times I want it to speed up so I can get to where I'd rather be.

Today is one of the former.
I find myself very nostalgic...and not about anything particular at all...just in general. Sometimes I want to go back to a simpler time that had nothing to do with homework, rehearsals, frustrations about those things, not having enough time to do dishes or clean your room...heck not even having to do dishes or clean your room!! I really miss days of playing in the woods until supper, spotlight at night, SLED RIDING IN THE WINTER!!!!!

At the same time, today is the latter.
I miss my boyfriend a TREMENDOUS amount, but he's 7 hours away...on top of that, he's not feel well today...so I really want to speed up to August so I can be with him everyday instead of 3 days out of 75+. It's extremely painful to be so far apart. At times it's hard to go through each day getting everything accomplished for the day that I need to accomplish because all I want to do is drive to Louisville and sit with him for 5 minutes just to drive back. (Though we all know that's not feasible, so I won't REALLY do it...but only because I don't have the time to...) It sucks that he can't be here to see me in opera...or jazz...or idol. (He's trying, but I won't let him because it's super expensive to make that many trips and even if either of us had that kind of money, he has a lot of schoolwork to do).
My first instinct, being a girl who's struggled with letting people get close to her, is to push him away because somewhere in my mind I think that it will hurt less...HOWEVER, that's the dumbest thing that's ever entered my brain. (And, I must add, that it hasn't entered it for a VERY long time, so don't worry baby!) But the more I go through my days without him...the more it's very evident that it hurts a little more each day because he isn't here. SO pushing him away would be the opposite of a resolution to the situation.
It just sucks.
That's all I can say about it. I can't really put how I'm feeling into words. At the present moment, I don't want to talk to anyone...I don't want to see anyone...I don't want to have this Masquerade party tomorrow night...I don't want to walk downstairs because it's a mess, even though I cleaned it a week ago...
I don't want to talk to B because that means I'll actually have to deal with the pain in my heart. I've always been one to keep everything in (ask anyone who's known me for any significant length of time). Instead of dealing with it at the time it's happening, I tend to displace it somehow. I know I need to talk to B...and actually...*it's taken me 5 minutes just to write this paragraph*...I want to talk to him about it. I want to deal with it. No matter how anyone tries, no one can make me feel better except Bryan...so I'm not sure why on EARTH I'd ever not want to talk to him about it.
Sometimes...I'm a dumb girl.
I'm going to call my boyfriend in 15 minutes when he gets out of his Church History class and actually deal with what's happening in my heart. A novel idea!

...sorry this is super stream-of-consciousness.

*Something tells me that discussing the chapter in "Lies Women Believe" about Emotions in Bible study tonight is going to kick me in the face...as I often let them run my life...see above post.*

TOP 3

2007-10-26T21:20:00.001-07:00

I MADE IT THROUGH TO THE TOP 3 IN MOUNTAINEER IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The finals are Sunday, Nov. 11 at 3:00 in the Met Theatre downtown!!!!!!

NEXT ROUND!

2007-10-26T05:50:00.001-07:00

Tonight is the next round of Idol!!!
It will take us from 5 down to 3!
The top 3 automatically win money...which I could really use! haha!

The genres are Solid Gold Oldies and songs from Movies or Musicals!

I'll be singing
"Think" by Aretha Franklin
and
"The Girl in 14G" by Kristin Chenoweth

:D
I'm excited!!!!
For Aretha...I'm definitely wearing a long formal red dress...black gloves...and a black feather boa!! HAHAHA
it's RIDICULOUS!
:D

TOP 5

2007-10-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

I made it to the TOP 5!!!!!!!!!!!!

Idol veteran Samantha Bartlow really got the crowd going with her performance of Shania Twain’s “Man I Feel Like A Woman.” Strutting around the stage and having fun, Bartlow stayed true to the song’s lighthearted tone but sang with great precision and pitch. - DA

*sorry that took so long (KATY) I was on Fall Retreat with College Church all weekend*
I'll update about that as soon as I get the chance!

It was AMAZING!!!!!!!

Country Night for Mountaineer Idol

2007-10-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight is Country Night for Mountaineer Idol.
Those of you who know me know that I do NOT sing country very well...at ALL!
(though judging by the accent one would think opposite) HOWEVER!
This girl + country music = NOT A GOOD SOUND

AND since my little battle with the laryngitis this week...it's going to be even worse.
I changed my song from "Independence Day" by Martina McBride
to
"Man! I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain
because I still, today, don't have much of a head voice, but I DO have a chest voice (thank you Med Express and your steroids)

SO
we'll see how it goes tonight!
I really want to make it to the top 5...but I'm REALLY nervous about it.
(This is always the worst round for me.)

OH well!
wish me luck!
:D

p.s. I am glad that my Crousers and my love were not swept away by the tornadoes in Louisville last night.

Library frustrations

2007-10-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

So...
I'm sitting here at the Evansdale Library. I have a lot of things due on Monday and will be out of town this weekend, so I had this great plan to get everything done tonight and tomorrow.
Why am I blogging?
I'm glad you asked!
I'm so frustrated that if I don't vent my frustrations...at this point I will go home and sleep instead of doing my work.
Here's why I'm frustrated.

I have to do song translations for my lessons (totally normal thing) but the way my teacher has them set up *which is actually quite brilliant* is we do them in an excel spreadsheet which ends up getting added to the database of all his students...so in the end we have 234234982379 words from other pieces. Which is a great idea because that way we can just look up the words in the data base instead of having to go to the dictionary, etc specifically because a lot of songs are about the same things!
The downfall to this is that I have to have both a dictionary AND a computer (because the online translation sites that I've found don't give you the part of speech)
If I translate the words in my music...I have to go back and put them in the computer anyway...so it's twice as much work.
SO
I come to the Evansdale Library *the music library* to get dictionaries and to use the computer...
where are the German, French, and Italian dictionaries?
AT THE FLIPPING DOWNTOWN LIBRARY!
so now, I'm here...can't do anything productive...
The good news?
I have an Italian and a German dictionary at my house...that I JUST pulled from my locker last week. (Having them at school did me no good because there was no computer.)
So why don't you just go home, Sam?
WELL
THAT too is a good question!
Because I also have research on a "take home quiz" which is really a 2 page paper, to do tonight as well and the book I need is here...
The frustration with this one:
It's supposed to be a way for him (our extremely unorganized teacher) to guage how well we've been grasping the material of the class...
except
it defeats the entire purpose when we have to go to sources other than our text book and lecture notes to get the information.
Doesn't it?
I mean...if you want to know if we are getting the material from class...you should give us an assignment that reflects the material in class.
The topic is something to the effect of 'discuss Beethoven and his forms...how they progressed and his symphonies and how they progressed and how they influenced other composers.
Not a hard question.
However, he's so unorganized that the only things I have written in my notes from his lectures are
"Beethoven stretched forms"
...*blank stare*...
PLUS I left that information in the car because I was planning on concentrating on the translations at the present moment!

AHHH

ok so I pretty much just wasted about 10 minutes whining about stuff that is easily fixed.

But I STILL don't understand why they wouldn't have stinking dictionaries at the library!!!
IT'S THE LIBRARY!
I don't care if you have 2 of them!

I'm sorry you read this...and are now thinking...'geez, stop being a brat.'
I'm working on that

Remembering Ruby Suter

2007-10-17T06:09:00.001-07:00

This weekend, the theatre company I am apart of in the summers lost someone very dear to them...Ruby Suter. As many of you know, being in a company like The Aracoma Story (TAS) is just like being in a big extended family...so this loss is especially hard for many.

I don't even remember how long I've known Ruby! But the following are a few memories I shared with the group on a chat email circle we have...

Ruby was an AMAZING woman!
My first year with TAS (outside of the Shawnee Trail) during the summer was in Fiddler. Ruby always made me feel welcome...even at the auditions when I didn't know 95% of the people in the room!

I remember her ridiculous lines in Footloose as we were leaving the 'diner'. Since we have pretty much control of the show thanks to the "director" we could add anything we wanted, and she would always make some random comment about me calling her when I got home...or not getting hit when I was crossing the street. It became an every night moment that everyone in that scene looked forward to. She even went in with Michael Jo a couple times to try to throw me.
Did she wear roller skates in that scene? Does anyone remember?

When I was in this summer to see Lil' Abner, she was sitting right in front of me. When she turned around and saw me, she gave me one of those famous Ruby Suter hugs and was really excited that my boyfriend was there, and that she could meet him. She got extremely excited when I informed her that I would be back this summer to do the shows...and she was excited to try to play Dream Teller again.

It didn't hit me...like really hit me until I was reading the things others had written about her. What a lady! I'm very sad to say that there is no way I can make it home for any of the memorial services they are having for her, specifically the one at the park cabin with my TAS family.